He Says She Says 22/04/10
This week: Should partners be knocked down pecking order with arrival of kids?
We recently got a new arrival to the Day family, a little ginger kitten called ‘Tigee’ and so it looks like I am set to fall another notch in the pecking order at home. This means ahead of me now there are two kids, a dog, two cats, a fish and a hamster which I guess is how many men feel. It’s just the way things go as soon as children and pets are introduced into the family. When it comes to the kids being more important than I am to my wife, I can see why they should be put before me. No question! Well, may be a couple…
Many men will feel as if they were put on the back burner as kids took the top podium and you were lucky to be left with a bronze position (if that). But your priorities are turned upside down and clubbing and pubbing times are now for reading bedtime stories, helping them with homework, driving them to dancing, scouts and a whole manner of other recreational activities, leaving you perhaps – if you’re lucky – a couple of hours to ‘catch up’ before they arrive back home like hungry hurricanes.
It would be easy for me to be selfish and complain that I should be given more attention but we chose to have children and so it’s a commitment that requires that I should feel a little neglected. Ahh, poor me!
Children need parents to be there for them when needed and so we’ll just re-familiarise ourselves with one another when, and if, they ever move out. It doesn’t feel like I’m growing apart from my wife since we are bringing up our children together. That was our choice and though one that should not be taken lightly, it is unreasonable not to expect changes. If your life hasn’t changed since having children then they are almost certainly missing out on something – so you don’t have to.
After many years of being single I have finally found the man for me and I intend to hang onto him, but who should you put first when you’re in a relationship - your partner or your kids?
Well I feel it should be your partner. I’m not talking about ignoring your kids and quitting everything your enjoy doing with them. I just mean that you should devote a larger amount of time to your partner than you do your kids
I would imagine that some people would disagree with me on this and think that I should actually put my daughter first and while I know that my daughter is very important and the absolute light of my life, I think that it is important that we don’t forget that in normal relationships (not mine necessarily) that your partner was there before the kids arrived and that if it wasn’t for your partner then there wouldn’t be any kids anyway.
Some of my friends who are married and now have children made me really cross, especially when I was single, because they let their children take over their life, leaving absolutely no time to spend with their partner.
One of them would let her daughter stay up every night until about nine o’clock and then wonder why her partner didn’t want to spend time with her. Who would want to sit watching TV with a small child wandering about crying because they are tired and should be in bed?
Another spends most of her time racing about from club to club, fulfilling her children’s dreams but hardly ever has time to even sit and eat with her other half.
Maybe this is the reason there are so many break ups these days. Could it be that too many people have got their priorities wring when it comes to marriage?
Relationships need quality time. You need time on your own without the children about and you have to remember that not only was your partner there before the children, hopefully they will be there after the children have flown the nest, so they should definitely be put first.
Contact Martin and Su
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