He Says She Says 12/08/10

This week: The ring of truth?

He Says:

The singer Michael Bublé has been pictured wearing an engagement ring. This is one step closer to women carrying men over the threshold. On the subject of engagement rings, should a woman be honest enough to say if she doesn’t like it? Yes, of course she should. Why on earth would you want to look down at something everyday of your life that you don’t like?

In a perfect world, where a man has paid so much attention to his woman’s wants and needs, he would know her tastes so intimately that without even thinking about it he’d get the ring so right that his fiancée would love it more than anything in the world.

In reality, personal taste is just that, and when it comes to buying jewellery it is a minefield for men. For many pieces, the decision is not as critical - if she doesn’t like it, it can live in a jewellery box, coming out once in a while.

I would respect a woman more for asking, ‘can I change it?’ rather than biting her lip and not liking it.

Su, my co-host, says it’s ungrateful, money-grabbing, shallow and all manner of other insults but one Heart Breakfast listener, Gina from Westcliff, summed it up beautifully with a text to the show saying, ‘It's nothing to do with money grabbing. In my case it was the opposite.

‘My ex spent four grand on what I can only describe as a knuckle duster. I didn't like it and said so.

‘I was more concerned he'd spent so much on something i didn't like. It seemed stupid not to get something I actually liked, especially as he'd worked so hard for it.’

You will get many things wrong as a married man, so best get used to it from day one with the engagement ring. But who wants to enter marriage with a big fat lie?

She Says:

For some people it’s probably one of the most romantic moments of their life. The man gets down on bended knee in a restaurant or special place that means something to you both, opens up the little velvet box and asks, ‘Will you marry me?’

How lovely.

He has gone to the effort of selecting the ring and surprising you with his proposal. So how can anyone then turn around and be so mean to tell him that they don’t like the ring?

That’s exactly what my nephew’s now wife did. Surprisingly enough, he still married her. If I’d been him I would have taken the ring back and dumped her. She took one look at the ring and decided that she didn’t like it, she didn’t say why, although I suspect that it wasn’t a big enough stone. She just said she didn’t like it.

How heartbreaking for my nephew. I would have been gutted: here he is thinking that he has done something fantastic and loving, only to find that he has got it wrong.

What I don’t understand is why women can’t just get over it. Suck it up and appreciate the lovely gesture from your loved one! It would mean more to me that my partner had selected it himself than what it actually looks like. After all a ring’s a ring, they’re not that much different, one engagement ring looks very much like another these days - a band with a stone on it.

The only reason I can think that women tell their partners they don’t like the ring they have bought is one of two things. Firstly, they don’t think that he has spent enough – or else the stone is not as big as the one their friend got. In my eyes that is so shallow.

For the man, the only good thing that can come from a woman telling you that they don’t like the ring is that it should be a warning sign. If this is how they are about a beautiful romantic gesture then think what they are going to be like for the rest of your life - don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Read more He Says, She Says here

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