We Can Learn A Lot From This Mum's Response To Her Daughter Calling Her Fat

19 June 2017, 11:27

Daughter calls mother fat and her response we coul

By Alice Westoby

This mum handled the comment from her daughter in a way we could all learn from.

Allison Kimmey is a plus size advocate and self help speaker with a huge following on Instagram.

She shares pictures and inspirational messages with her 118k followers and one of her most recent musings is something that we could all learn from.

We all know kids can be brutally honest. They have an unfiltered approach to life that is refreshing, but sometimes can be hard to hear and Allison experienced this when her young daughter called her fat.

As an advocate of plus size women it's interesting to hear how Allison approached this sensitive subject with her child and she shared her thoughts in a lengthy Instagram post.

 

My daughter called me fat today. She was upset I made them get out of the pool and she told her brother that mama is fat. I told her to meet me upstairs so we could chat. Me: "what did you say about me?" Her: "I said you were fat, mama, im sorry" Me: "let's talk about it. The truth is, I am not fat. No one IS fat. It's not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy. Do you have fat?" Her: "yes! I have some here on my tummy" Me: "that's right! So do I and so does your brother!" Her brother: "I don't have any fat, I'm the skinniest, I just have muscles" Me: "actually everyone, every single person in the world has fat. But each of us has different amounts." Her brother: " oh right! I have some to protect my big muscles! But you have more than me" Me: "Yes, that's true. Some people have a lot, and others don't have very much. But that doesn't mean that one person is better than the other, do you both understand? Both: "yes, mama" Me: "so can you repeat what I said" Them: "yes! I shouldn't say someone is fat because you can't be just fat, but everyone HAS fat and it's okay to have different fat" Me: "exactly right!" Them: "can we go back to the pool now?" Me: no __________________ Each moment these topics come up i have to choose how I'm going to handle them. Fat is not a bad word in our house. If I shame my children for saying it then I am proving that it is an insulting word and I continue the stigma that being fat is unworthy, gross, comical and undesirable. Since we don't call people fat as an insult in my household, I have to assume she internalized this idea from somewhere or someone else. Our children are fed ideas from every angle, you have to understand that that WILL happen: at a friends house whose parents have different values, watching a tv show or movie, overhearing someone at school- ideas about body image are already filtering through their minds. It is our job to continue to be the loudest, most accepting, positive and CONSISTENT voice they hear. So that it can rise above the rest. Give me a. if this resonated w u! Just do you! Xoxo Allie

A post shared by ALLIE Just Do You, Babe! (@allisonkimmey) onJun 11, 2017 at 8:48am PDT

She explains that her daughter was upset that she had been told to get out of the pool so had retaliated by telling her brother that she thought her mum was fat. 

Rather than get angry and tell her off like many would think to do straight away, Allison gathered her thoughts and asked her to head upstairs with her so they could talk about it.

She said the conversation went as follows...

"Me: "what did you say about me?"
Her: "I said you were fat, mama, im sorry"
Me: "let's talk about it. The truth is, I am not fat. No one IS fat. It's not something you can BE. But I do HAVE fat. We ALL have fat. It protects our muscles and our bones and keeps our bodies going by providing us energy. Do you have fat?"
Her: "yes! I have some here on my tummy"
Me: "that's right! So do I and so does your brother!"
Her brother: "I don't have any fat, I'm the skinniest, I just have muscles"
Me: "actually everyone, every single person in the world has fat. But each of us has different amounts."
Her brother: " oh right! I have some to protect my big muscles! But you have more than me"
Me: "Yes, that's true. Some people have a lot, and others don't have very much. But that doesn't mean that one person is better than the other, do you both understand?
Both: "yes, mama"
Me: "so can you repeat what I said"
Them: "yes! I shouldn't say someone is fat because you can't be just fat, but everyone HAS fat and it's okay to have different fat"
Me: "exactly right!"
Them: "can we go back to the pool now?"
Me: no"

We think she handled that spectacularly!

Even when we know they don't mean it, children can come out with things they've picked up at school or on TV that could be potentially hurtful but in this case and in the spirit of body positivity Allison didn't want her daughter associating the word fat with negative connotations.

She said: "Fat is not a bad word in our house. If I shame my children for saying it then I am proving that it is an insulting word and I continue the stigma that being fat is unworthy, gross, comical and undesirable."

Allison also gave a word of advice for other parents out there, assuring that "children are fed ideas from every angle, you have to understand that that WILL happen: at a friends house whose parents have different values, watching a tv show or movie, overhearing someone at school- ideas about body image are already filtering through their minds. It is our job to continue to be the loudest, most accepting, positive and CONSISTENT voice they hear."

As she rightly points out EVERYBODY has fat, it's a crucial part of our anatomy but we are all different shapes and sizes. 

The younger we are when we are taught that the the more accepting place the world will become.

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