Hilarious Father Of Four Daughters Refuses To Sugarcoat His Instagram Pics

23 March 2017, 15:23

Father of Daughters Instagram

By Hollie Borland

If other people's photos make you feel bad about yourself then this might just be the guy you need to be following.

Simon Hooper is the father of four daughters - 10-year-old Anya, seven-year-old Marnie and one-year-old twins, 

Married to midwife and blogger extraordinaire, Clemmie aka Mother of Daughters, the father of four documents his experience of parenthood and holds nothing back. 

Read more: Watch The Adorable Moment Mum Tells Her Daughter She's Pregnant!

 

I play with Barbie. There, I said it (hardly shocking as I'm drowning in daughters). As an adult, your imagination can get stunted as life experience tells you what's possible and what's not, but playing with my girls & watching where their minds takes them keeps me feeling youthful, something no chemical peel or botox can compete with. Granted, some of the story lines are a little far fetched, but that's the point isn't it? why not be a fashion designer one moment, an astronaut the next and finish the day being a vet, having been a particle physicist that also moonlights as a backing dancer between lunch and tea time. It's hard to keep up, but as long as they keep playing, so will I. FYI I don't play with Barbie when the kids aren't around. not in view of Clemmie anyway. Any other dad's out there who partake in a bit of roleplay #dadswhoplaybarbie #ifiwerebarbieidbeshattered #understandagirlsmindsishardwork #play #parenting #FOD #Fatherofdaughters #ad #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) onFeb 5, 2017 at 12:39pm PST

From posts about his daughters following him to the loo to helping out his older daughters with their homework on sex education, Simon shares the realities of what it's really like being outnumbered in chick's house.

"My whole account is to show a realistic view of what parenting is like from a parent’s perspective,” the dad told HuffPost. "There is way too much sugarcoating when it comes to parents, so I wanted to share what it’s really like and provide a bit of humour at the same time."

 

This week my eldest has been doing sex education at school. Shes very mature about it & having a midwife as a mum, they know a lot more than your average kid, no 'front bottoms' or 'nunnys' in this house, it's strictly a 'vagina' affair (which coincidently would be a great title for a drama series on TV) That said, she's chosen tonight (when @mother_of_daughters is away) to ask questions about men which makes me feel like an embarrassed child, but i promised to tell her the truth. My personal favourites - "do you wear a condom daddy?" Me - "Yes". Then why do you have so many children? Touchè. "Have you and mummy had sex more than 3 times?" I laughed proudly - "Way more......like at least 9 or 10 times" ( I didn't want to come across as a sex crazied maniac). #sexeducation #shestheadultimthechild #sheknowsmorethanme #dontaskaboutmasturbationorilldie #ivedoneitloads #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #parenting

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) onNov 10, 2016 at 1:02pm PST

Now Simon describes himself as "a handy man, taxi driver, swimming instructor, tutor, chef, counsellor, human climbing frame, bank, personal shopper and PA."

And it's not just the photos that make us chuckle; it's more about the captions that give us a little insight into family life. 

 

when you become parents, you don't notice it, but your house gradually takes on a new aroma. it's only when guests come round, their faces contort & they ask whether you'd had a fish curry with a side of old ham for dinner, washed down with milk 2 weeks past its use by date, do you realise that you now live with the scent of 'odour de baby ass'. That said, once and while you come across a natural disaster that makes your nose invert and die. I walked into the twins room today and found this offending article next to an open nappy bin. She smelt like a old pork chop found in a drain - upon removal, she seemed blissfully unaware that she was being lifted by her dungarees and carried on stripping the silcone off a bottle of old milk I'd not cleared up. #myhousesmellsofass #missionimpossibleimpression #porkchopinadrain #neverbedownwind #hazmatsuitrequired #FOD #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) onFeb 3, 2017 at 12:04pm PST

 

why is it that as soon as I come through the front door, I'm immediately forced to strap on my 'parenting UN' flack jacket & hard hat and dive into conflict resolution mode? Anya and Marnie are locked in a long, drawn out battle over the disputed lands of the sofa, the sovereignty of the blanket and who has rightful ownership of the much sort after SKY remote control. Sanctions are put in place to relieve the tension but both sides are showing little willingness to back down. The situation escalates - heated worded, threats to hostages safety (soft toys, clothing, sweets). The result - the TV going off and remote is hidden (in the cutlery draw). During all this Ottie played the role of Switzerland and didn't get involved. Ban Ki-moon could learn a thing or two from me. #wheredoyouhideyourremote #UNparenting #whyamialwaysinthemiddle #familyconflictresolution #adadsworkisneverdone #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) onOct 20, 2016 at 12:42pm PDT

 

This week my eldest has been doing sex education at school. Shes very mature about it & having a midwife as a mum, they know a lot more than your average kid, no 'front bottoms' or 'nunnys' in this house, it's strictly a 'vagina' affair (which coincidently would be a great title for a drama series on TV) That said, she's chosen tonight (when @mother_of_daughters is away) to ask questions about men which makes me feel like an embarrassed child, but i promised to tell her the truth. My personal favourites - "do you wear a condom daddy?" Me - "Yes". Then why do you have so many children? Touchè. "Have you and mummy had sex more than 3 times?" I laughed proudly - "Way more......like at least 9 or 10 times" ( I didn't want to come across as a sex crazied maniac). #sexeducation #shestheadultimthechild #sheknowsmorethanme #dontaskaboutmasturbationorilldie #ivedoneitloads #fatherofdaughters #instadad #dadlife #parenting

A post shared by Simon, also known as FOD (@father_of_daughters) onNov 10, 2016 at 1:02pm PST

Like what you've seen? Why not give Simon a follow over on Instagram. It's really worth it. 

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