Titanium David Guetta/Sia
It’s officially Groundhog Day, which has got us pondering the bugbears that all Brits have to suffer day-in, day-out. From messed up roads to queues for the ladies, here’s what we can always guarantee…
Legend has it that on 2nd February ever year a groundhog (yep, that’s a real animal) pops up from its burrow to check out the weather. If it sees its shadow it returns to the dark, indicating there will be six more weeks of winter. If it doesn’t see its shadow it means spring is here. Who knew, right?
Now, we know what you’re thinking…sooo that’s what the movie ‘Groundhog Day’ is all about! That beaver thing makes a whole lot more sense now.
In the spirit of Groundhog Day we’ve turned our attention to the things that NEVER change. No matter the week, month or year, these annoyances will drive the average Brit bonkers…
Whether it’s summer or the depths of winter, if there’s rain, wind or a splash of humidity in the air we can guarantee our hair and skin will suffer. Unless we suddenly win the lottery (or a lifetime supply of blow dries from the local salon) we will just have to suffer from the ‘Monica-Geller-in-Barbados-effect’…
Here’s what we know to be true… airports, train stations and bus depots are stressful. Seriously, even if we’re four hours ahead of schedule we will be watching that departure board like a hawk!
We can also guarantee that your train will be delayed, packed or cancelled due to ‘leaves on the line’. And don’t even get us started on the London Underground…now that’s a recipe for misery.
Even if you’re happy with your wage packed at the end of the month, the sheer amount deducted in tax, national insurance and maybe even student loans will make you want to punch the nearest tax man. Hard. We want that holiday to Disneyland Florida…is that too much to ask!
We’ve had eons to practice and yet we still can’t cope with a teeny tiny little bit of snow. It’s just FROZEN WATER, how hard can it be? The roads become blocked, the kids get sent home from school…we’d rather never build a snowman ever again.
Nothing gives us that ‘back to school’ feeling like the ‘Antiques Roadshow’ theme song. Why? It has been on every Sunday night since 1979 with people scurrying around their attics to find something worth a few bob. If there’s ever an alien invasion it’s the first thing they should present to prove we ‘come in peace’.
If you’re anything like us, your British habits mean you say sorry even if someone treads on YOUR toe. Why do we insist on doing this? One thing is for sure, at the end of the world the Brits will be in an orderly line, doling out please and thank yous and apologizing to the alien master race.
At a nightclub, in the pub, down the football, at a concert…the queue for the ladies loos is always hell. This is our advice…PEE FASTER! Think of your fellow women and support them through zipping your jeans in a timely fashion. You have the power.
If you’re expecting the 10 o’clock news to kick off with: ‘A rainbow appeared over a field of puppies with happy school children and fat-free cake’ you’re probably setting yourself up for disappointment. The news sucks. It’s bad apart from the last five minutes. FACT.
Unless high-heeled shoes suddenly become extinct, we reckon that heinous burning pain in the balls of your feet is going to stay forever. Yes, they may look lovely, but who can be bothered with all the hobbling and blister plasters and broken ankles. We’ll stick to trainers.
If all of this inevitability gets too much, there’s something that works like a charm every time – a good old fashion brew. Builder’s tea will go down in history as the best problem solver, calmer downer and general ease generator of all time. Aaahhhhh.