Top 10 Funniest Jokes At Edinburgh Fringe 2015
Is comedy totally your thing but you couldn't make it to the Edinburgh Fringe this year? No problem.
Here's a round up of the funniest gags from the festival as voted for by the public in a poll by TV channel Dave.
We guarantee you won't be able to read these without cracking a smile! We know we can't!
1. Darren Walsh: "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It’s Hans free."
2. Stewart Francis: "Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge a*** … but enough about Kanye West."
3. Adam Hess: "Surely every car is a people carrier?"
4. Masai Graham: "What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter."
5. Dave Green: "If I could take just one thing to a desert island, I probably wouldn’t go."
6. Mark Nelson: "Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That’s not a miracle. That’s tapas."
7. Tom Parry: "Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night: day."
8. Alun Cochrane: "The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves."
9. Simon Munnery: "Clowns divorce: custardy battle."
10. Grace the Child: "They’re always telling me to live my dreams. But I don’t want to be naked in an exam I haven’t revised for."
And if that's just not enough for you, here's the runner-up jokes:
- Jenny Collier: I never lie on my CV, because it creases it.
- Ian Smith: If you don’t know what introspection is, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
- Tom Ward: I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time.
- Gyles Brandreth: Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I’m reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It’s someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn’t.
- Ally Houston: Let me tell you a little about myself. It’s a reflexive pronoun that means “me”.
- James Acaster: Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it. Should’ve been called Look Who’s Hawking, that’s my only criticism.