True Blue Madonna
During the show yesterday my producer Chloe made me a cup of tea in a 'teach yourself to breakdance' mug. She pointed to the picture and said "bet you can't do that?". That sounded like a challenge to me.
What Chloe didn't know was that I was a breakdancing legend back in my native Portsmouth circa mid 1980's. I used to dress up in Lois cords, put on a pair of Puma Dallas (or Adidas without the laces) and hit the Lino to the sounds of Run-DMC. My windmill was a sight to behold, my head spin drew breaths from the circling audience and my scorpion move was a killer that always won my crew the battle. (Just talking about it in this way brings it all back!) Chloe was about to be amazed.
It was in the middle of a song on the show when I told her to watch the master at work. I turned up the speakers, took a deep intake of breath and like lightening morphed into the scorpion position...and...RIPPPPPPPPP...my jeans split open. Luckily it was just at the knee. How embarrassing and annoying. The jeans were only 3 days old! Chloe couldn't stop laughing. It really wasn't a good moment for me. It reminded me of when I went paint balling at 30 and tried to dive to the ground and do a Rambo roll. I just dived, hurt myself and couldn't move. Loads of friends gathered above me and shot me with their paint guns! Ouch!
As I went further through the show the rip got bigger, at one stage I was worrying that the rip was going to carry right the way around. I would have looked a right state going home wearing jeans with one and a half legs!
I've leant my lesson. My breakdancing days are over. I'm now retired. I guess the only times I will show my moves again are to embarrass my son at weddings. OMG...I've just worked out that I've turned into my dad. He used to 'jive' all the time...I guess it comes to us all!
The picture gallery below features Producer Chloe and myself having a handstand competition after the show...I will never learn! lol