I’m in love. Yesterday I laid eyes on the most incredible object of desire.
I even dreamt about the encounter last night. It wasn’t the first time we’d met, I’d seen her behind the counter at Starbucks on many occasions. She was a slender, beautiful delight with the added bonus that she was a whizz in the kitchen. She managed to turn 2 cups of cold water, half a courgette, a carrot, a slice of cabbage, ginger, chilli, a quarter of a pepper (with seeds and stalk included!) and a spring onion into delicious hot soup in just 4 minutes. She made frozen yoghurt in thirty seconds, breakfast in twenty! Yesterday, I met the Vita-Mix 5000.
All right Matt, calm yourself. Stop getting excited about a blender.
That’s what trade shows like the Ideal Homes Show do to you. You walk in confident, assured and happy with life. You leave crippled, tired and emotionally blunt after you realise just what you don’t have in your life. Everywhere you turn you come face to face with the sales patter of some inventor who thrusts the idea into your head that you do actually need a never-ending-knife-sharpener and... you... believe!
It takes a strong individual to be able to go in there and come out empty handed. That blender cost £450!! Too expensive but I almost bought one. "It will turn a cup of rice into rice flour in just 30 seconds" the man said. I stood, open mouthed, drool gathering in the corner of my mouth, before -thankfully- my rational brain raised its finger and pointed out that I have never made anything with rice flour in my life let alone needed to produce bags of the stuff.
In fairness it is quite an entertaining day to be honest. There are some decent live demonstrations from every TV celebrity associated with interiors, gardening, cooking and diy-ing. There are demonstrations of new gadgets like 3D TVs, remote bath runners, automatic recycling bins etc. There’s also the ridiculous. My favourites included a pimped shower with multicolured lights, music and no less than 27 shower heads! (see my pic) A boat that is an office but not actually a boat (a floating room if you like). And a man attempting to bring the bidet back; complete with sliding water jet, fan dryer and a massage function - wrong wrong wrong.
I can’t quite decide where the blender ranks. It is borderline between ridiculous and genius. One things for sure, I can’t stop thinking about it. Help.
The Ideal Home Show is at Earls Court until 5th April.
Let me know if you've ever been seduced by a trade show by contacting me below