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10 Relationship Shake Ups To Get Your Love Life Back On Track
If your relationship is more of a crisis than a comfort, you may want to check out these top tips from psychologist and relationship expert Rachel MacLynn. You never know…that impending break-up could turn into a romantic holiday in the Seychelles. Here’s hoping!
If arguments, cold silences and eye rolls are your relationship bread-and-butter if may be time to give your partnership a once over. Relationship guru and psychologist Rachel MacLynn from The Vida Consultancy spends her days patching-up broken duos, and she reckons there’s hope for everyone.
Fancy putting her to the test? Here are her top 10 tips for mending your relationship and igniting that lost spark. Who knows, 2016 could be your most loved-up year yet!
1. Are you happy?
If you’re miserable all the time, it stands to reason that this negativity will rub off on your partner. Take responsibility for your own happiness, whether that’s changing jobs, taking up a new hobby or getting fit. Your partner can’t be your only source of happiness…eventually they’ll resent the pressure.
2. Remember, it’s not all about you
A big part of you should want to make your partner happy…if you don’t, we reckon that’s a sign for a swift getaway. Fortunately, this doesn’t mean buying him a new PlayStation 3 and a football game (thank the lord for that). Rachel says, “Don't make the mistake of thinking that giving someone gifts is the key to their heart. Sometimes the simplest gesture of actually telling your partner why you love them has a far greater success. Don't assume - find out!"
3. Don’t make excuses…you’re NOT too busy
Lots of couples simply don’t spend enough quality time together. Go on, sign yourself out of Facebook and Twitter and start actually talking to each other. "There are 168 hours in a week. How many of them do you invest in your relationship?" asks Rachel. "Don't wait for an issue or a problem to be your wake up call, instead remind yourself that your relationship is the foundation of happiness in the rest of your life, so it shouldn't take a back seat."
4. Enjoy a trip down memory lane
If he’s driving you to distraction now’s the time to remember why you fell in love with him in the first place. Take the time to think about his qualities, your happiest memories and that two-week blissed out trip to Ibiza. You’ll probably find that a mixture of spontaneity and compliments colour your fondest memories…so work on that now.
5. Figure out how his brain works
"Men need 'cave time' and are solution oriented. Women need to talk,” Rachel says. Her advice is to understand how his brain works before getting annoyed. Of course, this doesn’t mean putting up with his dirty socks and inability to put the toilet seat down, but it does mean being more tolerant. The same goes for him too…if he’s not taking your habits and feelings into account it’s worth addressing head on.
6. Let’s talk about sex
Come on, ladies! It’s 2016 not 1892…if you’ve got a problem in the bedroom department you’re going to have to talk about it. We don’t recommend calling him out on his crap technique though…a positive approach should work wonders!
7. There’s always a solution…
Come on ladies, it's not just 'your way or the highway'!
"If you find yourself in a rut of endless arguments, rather than complain all the time, sit down like adults and ask yourselves how you can overcome your problems," Rachel says. "Accept that there will always be compromise involved. You simply can't have it your way all the time."
8. Don’t be boring
Are you boring? No seriously, are you? "Relationships can be dull. Yes you heard it, DULL!" admits Rachel. "Dull because you can read each other's minds so conversation is optional. You know that couple in a restaurant who doesn't talk? You probably do the same thing pretty much most of the time!”
If you’ve become THAT person who watches re-runs of ‘Downton Abbey’ in a flannel dressing gown and a cup of Horlicks six nights a week it’s time for an overhaul. Pronto.
9. Work on your conversation skills
Rachel says, "Think about about your language and conversation. Are they littered with 'you never', 'you don't', 'I hate'? You can influence how both you and your partner feel by allowing positive words to dominate. Use 'I love', 'that's brilliant', 'what would be better', 'thank you for doing that'.”
This isn’t an arse-kissing exercise folks. Think of it as a power of positive talking solution!
10. Learn To Say Sorry... And Mean It!
If you’ve ever told a five-year-old ‘say sorry properly’ when they upset another kid, you should probably take your own advice. Saying sorry is a really powerful tool for wiping the slate clean and banishing that dark, post-argument cloud. If you’re bickering about something petty, we’d recommend saying the magic word sooner rather than later.
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