Zoe's Blog

Saturday 28th Jauary 2017

Stressss! Last weekend we had a party for my daughter’s 4th birthday, I had hoped for a smooth run after all the organising we’d done, but of course there were a couple of obstacles in the way. The hall was fab and we decorated it within an inch of its life. The time of the start of the party came and went, no kids, not one had turned up. I started to wonder if we’d done something wrong. Half an hour later people turned up in numbers and told me that their satnav had taken them somewhere else, that’s probably because I gave them the wrong postcode. The entertainer we hired was doing a fantastic job of keeping them occupied and had the kids chasing about. Then I realised that all the parents had started to put coats on, cos the heating had gone off and it was getting colder than the North Pole in there.  Cue me scrambling around with the radiator to get it going. Still, it was an amazing do and all the kids looked like they enjoyed it. I did wonder why I bother though when my girl told me that her favourite bit was kicking balloons around the floor…..on her own! I’ll save time and money next year by just buying a bag of the plastic bubbles.
 
Why is it still January??? C’mon give us a break, it feels like years since we last got paid, so on Heart Breakfast we asked for your money saving tips and our lovely listeners absolutely came through for us. Suggestions ranged from taking a bottle of own brand lemonade to a party, then drinking champagne all night, to turning up at a mate’s house at the time you know they’re dishing up dinner. Shawn had a great one, showering with someone else. I might do these even after I’ve been paid.

Saturday 21st January 2017

I can’t really believe that even before my daughter is 4, we are already in a birthday party war. The competition is real. You can’t let your little darling down by just giving them a birthday tea with a couple of mates, who they will row with over a My Little Pony anyway. Oh no, we’re going all out now. Spend less than hundreds of pounds and prepare to feel judged to be the worst mother ever. A shop-bought cake will be frowned upon, but you haven’t tasted anything I’ve cooked myself and I would rather not have 25 kids with food poisoning. If I’m honest, I feel quite posh booking a hall and an entertainer, real “keeping up with the jones’” stuff, but I know people who would book an actual castle and Mr Tumble if available.  I’ve made a list of all the food to get, just sausage rolls and party rings, then I heard a suggestion that I should cater for the adults too, you’re kidding right? They can scoff a jam sandwich if there’s any left. And of course you can’t leave without a party bag, a slice of cake and a bottle of bubbles in my day, now resembling an Oscars goodie bag, with a personal shopping trip and a holiday to the Caribbean included. I’m just trying to make it the best party in the world.

Saturday 14th January 2017

I always thought January was a bit of a non-event, everyone licking their wounds over how much they spent over Christmas, but this week, I’m surrounded by big changes in friend’s lives. Rich is off to have a bad back fixed by an operation, Dan is standing in, but is on standby to go off to the hospital when his wife goes into labour. Even our newsreader James has something to add, after he got engaged to his girlfriend this week. The biggest thing going on in my world this week was a trip to play shack soft play, which lasted for nearly 4 hours. That’s a record, really getting my money’s worth out of it. In fact we only left when my phone ran out of battery.
 
I am trying to get fit in 2017 and have started with a personal trainer this week. I’d like to think that this is actually a fantastic idea. When the trainer put me through a fitness test, how many sit ups/ press-ups/ tricep dips/ burpees I could do in a minute, I really didn’t go too hard at it. My theory is that I have to have a buffer, as I get fitter, I’d like to do better at the fitness test and feel like I’ve made advances.

Saturday 31st December

So the first bit of the festive season is all done and now on to the biggest night out of the year. New year’s eve, three words that actually fill me with dread. It’s a night where people who don’t normally go out, get their glad rags on and go out and party. It means the normal venues I go to for a drink are absolutely packed to the rafters. The bar is ten deep and I have the privilege of paying to get into a bar that is usually free. Standing next to people in such a bar is made all the worse by the expectation that everyone should be ecstatic on the last day of the year. Having been out on a fair few nights out this year, I’ve had my fill, I’m dreaming of going home and my bed, not watching squiffy strangers slobber all over each other at midnight. And don’t get me started on taxis, charging me fifty four times the normal price, that’s if you can book one at all. Then I have a 3 year old who will be whacking me in the face with her foot in the middle of the night, before shouting “IT’S WAKEY TIME!” whilst turning on every light in the house, jumping on my neck and pulling my eyelids open with a shark grabber. It’s wearing me out just thinking about it. So this year, I will be at a house party....for one.

Saturday 24th December

I have a very tired little girl on my hands this week. My 3 year old is caught up in all the Christmas festivities in a big way. Every day it seems there’s another thing going on, whether it be making another decoration to go on the tree, nativity or trip to see Santa, and it’s wearing her out. When she gets to the worn out stage she invariably cries, but it reached a new level. Getting in the car to go and see some lights the whinging started and it kept going. I tried to pacify her with snacks, tried to talk her round with what we were going to see, anything that would make her stop, but nothing would. I asked her to stop before I got cross and my heart sank when she said “I can’t stop whinging mummy.” Poor little mite just needed to sit still with nothing to overwhelm her.
 
It was the best duet I’ve ever heard. At Heart Live with Diet Coke on Monday, the man himself, Robbie Williams performed with our Emma Bunton. A meeting of the super groups, Take That and the Spice Girls performed the Christmas number 1 from 1996, 2 become 1. It’s one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard and you can hear the whole gig on Heart, on boxing day from 6pm.

Saturday 19th November

Wow, the Marlands shopping centre really does know how to launch Christmas. I was there on Thursday evening along with all the woodland creatures, Robin Hood and Maid Marion, to switch on the fabulous festive lights. It really is my favourite way to start feeling like Santa is on his way, especially when I hear Bitterne Park Primary school who were wonderful singing all the Chistmassy songs, I had something in my eye during Away in a Manger.

Stickers, the bane of my life, I find the little blighters everywhere because I have a little girl who loves the things. Never content with a picture of her favourite Disney Princess, we have to get the ones that will cling to any piece of furniture too. As I take the washing from the machine, they all fall out like flipping confetti. My heart skipped a beat a couple of days ago when my 3 year old daughter, Lois, shouted up the stairs “Mummy I've put the trolls’ stickers on the ....” The what? The fire? The dog? The postman? So far this week I have found a unicorn stuck to the bath, A minion on my leg and a Shrek on the loo. And never forgetting the ones that have become a story to be told on her 18^th birthday, the array of Anna’s and Elsa’s that I found glued to the bonnet of my car! I’m sure it won’t affect the price if I decide to sell my Nissan on; I just need to find a family that are mad into Disney’s Frozen.

Saturday 12th November

Apparently drinks trolleys, made famous in TV shows like The Good Life, are making a comeback. Sales are up by 200% and I’m looking forward to going to a mate’s house and having a Dubonet and lemonade arriving on wheels. It’s a return to the dinner parties of the 70s and 80s. I always remember my parents having their friends round for something to eat and being passed plates through the serving hatch and there always being a homemade chocolate mousse and roulade left over for the next day.
 
Now it’s proper cold, I mean ‘scrape your windscreen in the morning’ cold, I have a question, what temperature do you set your heating at? Do you turn it off completely when you go out, or leave it at the same number all day? Are you like Heart breakfast listener Jenny who has daily rows with her husband about the temperature when she has to put on a 3rd jumper.

Saturday 5th November

It’s that time of year when bugs are flying around and everyone has gone down with a sniffle. It was my turn this week to have the dreaded lurgy and so I asked our lovely Heart Breakfast listeners for their recommended cold remedies and they came up with some corkers. Keith said to put Vicks on the soles of your feet but remember to put socks on too, Julie suggested staying in bed with a bag of oranges. But Alison passed this one on from her mum, slice an onion and cover with brown sugar and leave overnight, take a tablespoon of the juice to stop coughs! I might give that one a miss, I feel bad enough already.
 
You are applying perfume all wrong and always have. Yes, give yourself a spritz on your wrists and neck but you can now add in another body part, your belly button. Apparently, spraying scent on your innie or outie works wonders because it’s a pulse point.

Saturday 22nd October

A huge debate broke out on twitter this week over what should be included in a roast dinner. Meat and potatoes are a given right? But there’s been discussion as to whether peas or sweetcorn belong on your Sunday dinner plate. I had a bit of a heated conversation with my co-host Rich Clarke, on Heart Breakfast about spinach being given a place and the fact that it should only be with beef, but no one’s ever going to turn down a Yorkshire pudding.
 
Well done if you went to the Sainsbury’s half price toy sale this week and got through it. It seemed the whole world was talking about it and so I couldn’t resist getting involved. It was brilliant, as they had loads of play doh stuff, that my little un is obsessed with, so I spent up on that. To be honest I bought all the presents I will need for my daughter, nieces and nephews and friends kids for the next year, but if you’d have seen me leaving the shop you’d have thought that I’d won 50,000 prizes on Crackerjack, as I tried to balance them all in front of my face.

Saturday 1st October

Oh my goodness, this schools thing is an absolute mine field! There are 3 that I'd like to visit before my baby girl starts next September, but even going to see them throws up issues. Being a solo mum with a full time job as a radio presenter on the Heart Breakfast show means I'll never be able to make any of the tours in the morning, but then there are afternoon "Guided tours" but I've already paid for her to be at either Gymtots, childcare or swimming on those days and I'd rather not lose all my hard earned just to have a rugrat snapping at my heels, screaming "mummy, put me upside down!" as I try to look round a classroom. So I've decided to go alone, yep I'm leaving my girl out of the decision making for now, otherwise I know how it'll end, with her choosing to go to the school that has most sparkly things. I'll let you know how I get on.
 
I was well and truly humbled this week to join Ben Smith on one of his runs. This guy is an absolute hero, he’s running 401 marathons in 401 days all for 2 anti-bullying charities. Can you imagine that? He’s getting through a pair of trainers every month and said he is inspired to keep going and keep motivated by eating cake. What a good lad.

Saturday 17th September

The most amazing show opened at the Mayflower Theatre this week, Mamma Mia. It’s the most well-crafted musical I’ve ever seen. I went along with my mate on Wednesday and had such a great time. So many laughs, so many ABBA songs to sing along to and lots of tears too. There’s a part of it where the mother is getting the daughter ready for her wedding and singing to her about growing up too quickly, it’s so emotional. My friend looked round to me at this point and thought that my face had started to melt and the tears rolled down my cheeks. Laughing at her laughing at me was all I could do stop myself sobbing out loud.
 
Rich and I from Heart Breakfast were absolutely honoured to open the Southampton Boat show yesterday, with Michelle Keegan and Olympic gold medallists, Saskia Clark and Hannah Mills. It’s my favourite time of year in the city, everywhere is buzzing because of it, so many people from all over the world descending on Southampton. So if you want me, I’ll be in the champagne and seafood bar at the show. And Rich will be walking round in a cheap suit, trying to act like he can afford to buy a yacht.

Saturday 10th September

This week I got my life back, ok just a little bit of it, well, three and a half hours of it to be exact… as my little darling went back to pre-school! It felt like flippin’ Christmas! I didn’t know what to do with myself for the extra half an afternoon. The six week holiday has been lovely, but it's so nice not to have to plan a trip out. Everywhere has been full of screaming kids, the parks should be sponsored by Nurofen. Peace and quiet ensues in the Hanson household and I will most probably be sponsored by Mr Kipling.
 
You’re going to hate me for this, but I like to be ultra-organised, so as soon as the kids go back for the Autumn term I start to plan for the next big event. Yep I’ve started Christmas shopping. There’s method behind my madness honestly, even though it feels weird to be thinking so far ahead, it means I miss the chaos when everyone else hits the shops and I get end of season bargains. It does however mean that people will be unwrapping bikinis, ice lollies and barbeques on Christmas day!

Friday 2nd September

Plenty of people went on long car journey over the bank holiday weekend, but not all of them have such weird in-car rules as my friend. Sarah has banned anyone from clapping while she’s driving. That is strange, isn’t it? Heart Breakfast listeners got in touch to tell us their rules. James says ‘no’ to sweets, chocolate and make-up in the car. With a wife and two eighteen month olds, that’s no mean feat. My favourite was from Claire, whose stereo has conked out and so everyone who gets in her vehicle has to sing a song to her.
 
In just about a year, my little one will be starting school and there seems to be a lot of ‘mum chat’ about it everywhere I go. The question that comes up is: where will you send her? Here’s my first point. I wasn’t aware that we got a choice, I thought you just went to the nearest and that was it? There are three schools in our village, all of them seem fine, so which one do I go for? One is just two hundred yards from home. I have this romantic idea of swishing along each day in the sunshine to pick up my cherub from her day spent being a genius, when in actual fact it will be an awful sight, as I run in the rain wearing flip flops looking like a drowned rat, to pick up a little minx and her indecipherable paintings! I’ve checked out all their websites, all much of a muchness, but one thing stood out. There was a post asking parents to leave the children’s PE kit in school, FOR AN ENTIRE TERM!!! What? Do they expect it to only be washed every three months?!
 

Saturday 20th August

Have you been like me and watching the Rio Olympics through very proud tears? Amy Tinkler, the women’s hockey team and all the cyclists have competed with such passion and determination; it’s been an absolute joy to watch. But the timings of the events and especially the finals have really thrown my bedtime out. I thought about recording them, but I know I’m going to find out the results the next morning and after hearing about Rich’s parents putting the Olympics on series link and recording literally hundreds of hours of sport because they can’t turn it off, I think I’ll give it a miss. 

Summer holidays are in full swing and lots of parents may be starting to pull their hair out, looking for cheap things to do with their kids. “I’m bored!” is a phrase used regularly by children in the six-week break, so on Heart Breakfast this week, my co-host Rich and I asked our audience to suggest activities that don’t cost too much money. Lots of our lovely listeners got in touch to say that they were doing things like crabbing, building dens and having picnics. I’d like to share some of the ideas that I’m doing with my three-year-old daughter. On a daily basis, we play games such as, ‘can she avoid dropping yoghurt on her dress?’ or ‘washing up is fun’ and ‘get the paint on the actual paper’.

Saturday 13th August

I’m loving the Olympics this week – I’m totally drawn in and staying up late to watch the sports that wouldn’t usually be on my telly. We’ve had some real success in the diving, but watching them do their gymnastics into the pool has thrown up a whole host of questions that I’m sure you’ve asked too. Like, why do the competitors go and have a shower, straight after they’ve got out of the pool? Also, why do they take their towels, the size of a postage stamp, in with them? And does anyone else think of Dad’s Army when the commentator mentions the word ‘pike.’
 
How can yoghurt cause so much carnage? This evening I set my 3-year-old up with 2 yoghurts and a spoon in the lounge and the iPad to watch more YouTube magiclip princess videos and went upstairs to dry my hair. I was joined by my daughter 5 minutes later absolutely covered in strawberry goo! It was in her hair, all over her clothes and looked as if she'd got some yoghurt gloves. I whipped her jumper off and used about 14 packs of wipes to clean her up. But the scene that greeted me in the living room was something else - she'd covered the sofas, carpet, table, chairs, dolls, a blow up boat, the telly and my iPad in the stuff. I couldn't quite believe that there was so much yoghurt in just 2 pots! She was sent to sit by the door and knew she was in trouble. But was it my fault? I'd sat her with a screen as a babysitter rather than me, as I was too busy? Should I have been with her at the table to eat dinner together?
 

Saturday 6th August

I try and do my best to build confidence in my daughter - at three years old she's susceptible to all the things that she hears others are scared of.
 
She went crazy the other day at the tiniest spider, but I reassured her that spiders are actually our friends and get rid of all the other bugs for us. We now give them a name (normally Barbara), and have a chat with them about not running too quickly across the carpet. I do this because I have mates who are petrified of the eight-legged creatures and can't stand to be near them. I even have a friend who couldn't go to work one day because there was a spider beside the front door!
 
Flying on a plane is not one of my favourite things to do, but I know that my three year old picks up on my fear, so I smile throughout.
 
I was tested this week, when I woke up with an animal in front of my face while camping in a tent. I'm not going to lie, it did make me jump - you would if you had a reptile there too. It was a tiny little monster, all curled up under my towel. When the kids woke up, I put on my best brave face and acted like a zoo-keeper. We named him Colin and watched him climb the side of the tent with his 'sticky feet'.
 
To be honest it probably does me good too, hiding fear, a little bit of fake it before you make it.

Saturday 30th July

This week was the 4th anniversary of the wonderful opening ceremony for the London Olympics and I felt really sad. I don’t want to pass it on to Rio if I’m honest. The Games were so good when they were here, everyone got behind it and got totally excited by them. I feel all emotional that they won’t be ours anymore and that the baton will be passed on to Brazil - it’s probably like when I had to hand my Hamble Hockey trophy back after I’d held the award for most improved player for a year.
 
Oh no, at the tender age of three and a half my little girl is Americanised. After singing along in the car to 'A Whole New World' (I was Aladdin, she was princess Jasmine, of course) and being told to stop a few times cos I was booming out the wrong bit. We had a 'high five' and she announced "good job dude!" Eh? DUDE?!! Who says dude apart from Bill and Ted?? So I'll add that to "super cute" "Santa" (it's Father Christmas, thank you) and "bathing suit like Barbie" (no it's a swimming costume). My head is in my hands and there's to be no YouTube for the rest of her life!

Saturday 16th July

Wolf whistling has now been deemed a hate crime, eh....Really? I’m always doing it to my Heart Breakfast co-host, Rich Clarke and I know he takes it as a compliment. It doesn't happen very often anymore, but in the past I admit it has put a definite spring in my step. I do wonder though what the people whistling think we’re going to do about it though… are they expecting us to stop, have a chat and arrange to go out for a drink?

There’s no real point in taking my 3 year old to anywhere amazing and spending the money, she’s easily pleased wherever she is. Take last weekend when I took her to Marwell zoo, we looked in at the leopards, were amazed at the size of the rhinos and loved watching the penguins getting fed. But in a conversation with a friend the next day, where they asked her what animal was her favourite from her day, she answered “the butterfly!” what? We didn’t see any butterflies; she apparently had, when she was on the slide in their adventure playground. It really reminded me of when I took my cousin in a boat around the dock. She wasn’t impressed by the needles or the big ships going past, but a coke can floating past.

Saturday 9th July

There are lots of school sports days taking place at the moment and I love seeing all the pictures on my timeline of kids in the dressing up race, throwing bean bags and lifting their arms in the air as they cross the finish line. My little one may be 18 months away from even starting school and I might be 2 years away from watching her run a course with an egg and spoon, but I’m already in training for the mums’ race. I’ve donned a tracksuit this week, done some lunges and some squats (I did get funny looks as I did them at the end of my road) then shot off to do a couple of miles. I’m ultra competitive and have started looking at the best shoes to wear on the school field, but I’m worried about not being a sprinter… Can we change it to a 5K, and I might be in with more of a chance?sol

Lady Gaga has passed her driving test this week. I find test examiners really intimidating, possibly the most scary people in the world. But imagine if you had Gaga getting in the car with you, in her meat dress, who would be most intimidated??

Saturday 25th June

It’s yet another wet, muddy Glastonbury and that means it’s hard work. I’ve been to the festival at Worthy Farm a few times and even worn flip flops around the site for one of them - yes, the sun actually came out, it’s not a myth. But I’ve also been there for the torrential rain that makes it like a lake and I can honestly say it was a chore. You’re walking round the stages in your wellies picking up mud as you go, it was probably the best workouts I’ve ever had on my thighs. The other issue is there’s nowhere to sit, not even a blade of grass to be seen and no one wants to sit in the sludge. The rain was so bad one year, I watched the Arctic Monkeys with a bin bag as a skirt and another as a top (very trendy).
 Having had a lovely week away in Cyprus last week and making the most of the all-inclusive buffet, I was dreading getting on the scales. Half a stone! Half a stone! Wow I really went for it! So now I’m back on the diets and trying to do lots of exercise to shift my extra timber. This week, I’ve been for a run, played hockey and done a dance exercise class. But all these things make me extra hungry so when I got home one night I went on the search for a bit of chocolate. There must be some in the house, I’ve got a 3-year-old, so I’m always squirrelling away some in places she won’t find it. What a bonus when I managed to find an Easter egg in the garage, I couldn’t get it out of the foil quick enough to stuff in my face.

Saturday 18th June

Things are hotting up for the Olympics, with the teams getting selected. The event that you'll likely never hear of again for the next 4 years is the modern pentathlon, consisting of five events including swimming, show jumping and shooting. I quite like the sport, but I think we could make an alternative version where the disciplines are more ‘real.’ How about a pentathlon which includes making your way to the bar in a busy pub, looking busy at work (by walking through the office with a couple of files), and managing to make a dinner out of the cupboards when you’ve forgotten to do a big shop?

Am I the only one who feels a little bit sad at the prospect of Rio 2016? It means that the Olympics aren’t ours anymore. What an amazing Games it was in 2012. I was lucky enough to go to the Olympic Park to watch the hockey and even luckier to get to see a Great Britain game. What an atmosphere there was! Rio have to 'go some' to beat it.

Saturday 11th June

Why am I so anxious about taking my little girl on holiday? I've been abroad lots of times before but I'm totally out of my comfort zone as this is her first time jetting off to another country, and I'm trying to ward off all the issues before they come up.
Firstly, I'm having problems checking in online and therefore can't see where we're sat; does that mean that she could be sat at the back with complete strangers trying to get them to play princesses while I grab a little sleep at the front?
 
If she is sat with me I have to try to make her sit still, an almost impossible task, so I've loaded about 50,000 films on my iPad, her iPad, my phone, and friends’ kindles, but I know she'll still demand to watch a movie we don't have. One tip a friend gave me was to buy a drink for all the people sat round me on the plane - they become a little more forgiving of a 3 year old fidgeting. Heart breakfast listener, Wendy suggested wrapping up lots of little presents for the flight and giving them to her for good behavior - sounds like hard work to me!
 
One of the reasons I've not taken her away before is because she's so pale, so I've chased round the shops and grabbed all the sun cream I can get. I honestly have litres of the stuff, plus hats, full-length swimsuits and more sun cream (factor 800 of course). But I still reckon she'll burn, she goes red in the snow!
 
Have I packed enough clothes for her? 85 outfits for a week should see us through shouldn't it? What will she eat while in a foreign country? It's hard enough to get the little mite to eat here, so I've loaded up with 50 bags of crisps and 60 biscuits just for the flight.
 
Am I going to get any rest at all? I love to sit by the pool with a cocktail in the sunshine, but I have a feeling that I won't be able to read a page of my book without being jumped on by a toddler or hearing "muuuuuummmmmmy!!!!" from the other side of the pool. This isn't shaping up to be much of a break is it?

Saturday 4th June

What a gloriously sunshine-filled half term it’s been, said no one this week. I had planned to have a BBQ on Wednesday, but the dismal weather put paid to that. It’s so annoying, I’d jet washed the patio, bought new furniture and had a game of badminton ready to go. So, rather than a lovely summery party in the garden, instead we went for a cosy wintery carvery, why wouldn’t you in the month of June?

I’ve also been wondering recently what on earth am I supposed to do with my kid in the summer holidays? Ok it's not going to happen for another two years but I've just spent 4 hours thinking about it! I'm a single mum and I work full time. I've already arranged in my mind to take a fortnight off work, and spend a week at my parents and I've heard of holiday clubs, but would they even take her at five years old? Sometimes I really have to rein it in - stressing out about things that are so far off is ridiculous. I’ve also been thing about what career path she'll follow, and imagining her wedding always gets me a bit teary eyed… and SHE'S ONLY THREE!

Saturday 28th May

As a mum I’m faced with some very strange dilemmas that had never entered my mind before. I was proud as punch when my 3 year-old daughter swam on her own this week and was rewarded with her 5 metre and 10 metre badges. After much praise and a trip out for cake, I had to decide what to do with the badges. If I leave them in her possession they’ll get lost in the 50 thousand toys she has in the shed, only to be found again when she’s 32. There are problems with trying to sew them on to her costume, the first being that I can’t sew... Then the fact that she has about 54 costumes (most of them adorned with Disney Princesses, Peppa Pig and Hello Kitty) but they’re really small and once she grows out of them, does that mean I have to pick them off and re-sew? I can tell you now that’s never going to happen. I asked our lovely Heart Breakfast listeners for advice on my position and the answers were outstanding - Sally suggested I put them on a swim towel or fabric bag, Jordan said to stick on a magnet and put them on a fridge, and I might do what Emily came up with - pinning them to her bedroom curtains!
 
I dropped myself right in it this week, trying to call the garage where my car was being fixed. I rang what I thought was the correct number and announced “Hi it’s Zoe Hanson, I’m just ringing to see how you’re getting on?” after a few seconds of mumbling and confusion the penny started to drop, as did my heart, when I realised that I’d actually called a guy that I went out on a date with 6 months ago. I tried to style it out for the rest of the conversation, but that’s really hard to do when someone you have no interest in is telling you ‘how they’re getting on’.

Saturday 21st May

The new 'Lost Kingdom' at Paultons Park is amazing - we had a ride in a dinosaur egg, met a T-Rex and climbed through prehistoric bones. As per usual they have pulled it out of the bag for the weenie ones, they loved it. My daughter is only 3 and not even a meter tall yet, but she is able to go on most of the rides, which is great news cause she's a total thrill seeker and thinks nothing is better than going really fast on a roller coaster. Add that into the beautiful grounds, the animals, the splash parks and of course Peppa Pig World and I think this place is second to none. The staff are the friendliest people around, even the maintenance man asked us if we were having a lovely day. I can't praise this place enough, we're so lucky to have it on our doorstep. It made for such a stress free day, in fact it was only when my girl threw herself on the floor that I said it was time to go.
 
Being single, a certain story really tickled me this week. It talked about those social occasions that require you to take along a partner - weddings, birthdays and parties – and the fact that people uphold the idea that you need to be in a relationship to have a good time. So, hats off to the guy who put his cat in a dress and took it to his prom. Unfortunately I don’t even have a cat, so I’ll still be turning up to your do on my own.

Saturday 14th May

Don’t toddlers get attached to the strangest things? Most of us have a fond memory of our favourite teddy bear from our childhood and may even still possess him, but I’m not talking about those little cute cuddle-makers. Let me tell you about my friend’s little girl who is eighteen months old and her obsession with her dad’s pants! She loves them. When they’re drying on the radiator, they won’t be left for more than a couple of minutes before she’s scooped them up and given them a big hug. She carries them wherever she goes, even out of the house. They go with her to the shops, to the park and even on a trip to the dentist, but her favourite thing is to put them on - at least three pairs of jockey shorts - and wear them around the house so she looks like a boxer from the 1920s. When my little one was younger, she loved holding on to a kid’s coat hanger. I have no idea why.  She just loved it, waving it at people that we passed on the street from her buggy. The best story came from Amy, one of our Heart Breakfast listeners, whose three-year-old boy has a full collection of Ikea washing-up brushes because he loves them so much. His mum has had to put a time limit on him choosing which colour to take out.
 
We’re well into wedding season now and I always have a dilemma about how much money to put in a card. More often than not these days, couples will ask for a contribution towards their honeymoon, rather than a toaster, so I’m faced with putting a monetary value on our friendship. The questions that have a bearing on how much I give include: how long have I known them; how many scrapes have they got me out of and how often do I see them? And then there is: am I going to the whole day or just the evening do; how good will the buffet be and will there be wine on the table? It all takes some thought. I think that’s why there was such uproar this week when a bride and groom asked one of their guests to think about “adjusting” their £100 gift to the happy couple as it didn’t “seem to match the warmth of your good wishes on our big day”. They should think themselves lucky - I only put a fiver in my mate’s card!

Saturday 7th May

It’s the worst case of mistaken identity that I’ve ever heard. This week on Heart Breakfast, I told the story about my mate Helen who went off to Tesco to do her weekly shop. Whilst in the freezer section, she spotted a good friend of hers, reaching down into the ice to get some frozen peas, so she approached her and gave her as big slap on the bum! This ‘friend’ stood up with quite a start and turned to face her. Helen didn’t recognise her at all. Yep, she’d gone and patted a complete stranger’s bottom.

Father’s Day may be more than a month away, but the cards are already in the shops for those eager beavers. I had a little look through them to see if any of them conveyed the sentiment that I was looking for and I came across something quite strange. There was a card with ‘Happy Father’s Day’ written across the top - nothing out of the ordinary there - but it was above a picture of a cheese board. Yes, if your Dad likes nothing other than cheese - not golf, not gardening and not beer - then it’s perfect.

Saturday 30th April

How weird is this weather? It’s nearly May and I’ve been scraping my car windscreen in the morning. Last week, I was able to sit in the garden in just a bikini, but this week I’m dodging snow and hail. Does anyone have any idea what to wear? I leave the house dressed in four layers and a big coat, but I see people around and about in shorts and flip-flops. I can’t ever remember stranger weather. It’s like having four seasons in one day.

I’m sure that my kid’s main mission in life is to test me; to see how many times I can come up with an answer to the question ‘Why?’; to see how many foods she can spit out before I relent and give her chicken dippers and to make as much mess as she can, including stains. One afternoon this week, I was pushed to my limit when I realised that I hadn’t heard anything from her in a while. There was a very suspicious silence that I had to investigate. When I got upstairs, all I could do was let out an almighty “Aaaarrrggghhhh!” as I discovered her with my bright red nail varnish, trying to paint her own nails. Obviously she was just trying to be like Mummy, but Mummy doesn’t spill it on the carpet and brush it all over her hands.

Saturday 23rd April.

The nation’s favourite great-grandmother, The Queen, turned 90 this week. I’ve loved all the little insights into royal life, especially William recounting the time that he and his cousins got told off by our monarch for playing a little too boisterously at Balmoral. Everyone has got a story about their Nan or great Nan, haven’t they? My Nanny never missed an episode of University Challenge, but she never got a question right, mind you. She was an amazing cook and used to make me fish and chips from scratch on a Friday. Once she made so much of my favourite dinner that it filled three plates! I ate it all of course, as I was just trying to be a good granddaughter. The story that made me laugh so hard was about her jaunt to Brighton for the day to walk along the prom with an ice cream. Actually, she ended up at Fat Boy Slim’s gig on the beach. 

I had a great night out at the Brook last Friday. I went to see a Coldplay tribute band called ‘Cold Place’ with some friends. What an inspired name! I sometimes think that half the fun of these tribute bands is the pun in their name. The Bog Rolling Stones and Blobbie Williams spring to mind. What I couldn’t get my head around though was not how well the group performed songs such as Yellow, Adventure of a Lifetime and Fix you, but how much the front man actually looked like Chris Martin. It was so weird to see his doppelgänger, not only looking like him but singing like him too.

Saturday 16th April

Last weekend, I took part in my first park run. It was amazing. Almost three hundred people turned up to run, walk or jog the three-mile course and it was free. These events happen all around the world at 9am every Saturday. They are marshalled by volunteers and have a great sense of community, plus they get us fit. At the end of the run, there were even kids handing out jelly babies and flapjacks to those of us who needed sugar. Now a council in Bristol has decided to charge participants to use their park. There's been uproar and I can see why. Surely it's better to have these events for all ages so that we can get fitter together, rather than pay the bill for our obese nation? Why discourage everyone from trying to better themselves? 

In every job, there seems to be a standard question that gets asked. As co-presenter of Heart Breakfast, people always ask me “What time do you go to bed and what time do you get up?”. On the show this week, we asked our listeners to tell us what questions get thrown their way and I loved the responses. Natasha works at Iceland and customers often ask her “Do you sell ice?”. Jenny works at a bookmakers and is always being given cheeky tips and replies, such as “Don’t bend over in a short skirt!”. I can’t believe people actually ask if Sam, a swimming teacher, can swim! Then there’s Sarah, who works in Poundland. I bet you can’t guess what she gets asked fifteen times a day?

Saturday 9th April 

I feel like I do a lot for my little one. It’s hard work responding to her every whim - and it feels like there are thousands of them every day. So I think it’s perfectly fine to use her for my own amusement sometimes. It gives me a little glow to think about embarrassing her with stories when she grows up and I reckon I came up with a goodie this week. We went to Riverside to watch a charity duck race, where they launched hundreds of little yellow plastic ducks into the stream and watched them sail to the finish line. She had been particularly demanding that day - a proper little ‘threenager’ - and so I got my own back getting her to shout “Come on, yellow!” as loads of the golden rubber duckies floated by.

The past couple of weeks have been a bit quieter in our office. Due to the Easter break, hats off to all the people that only used up four days of their holiday allowance, but actually got ten days off work. When I was roaming around the desks, I saw a few of them catching up on Facebook during their lunchtime breaks. So on Heart Breakfast, we asked the question, ‘What do you do at work that isn’t work?’ I loved all the answers that came in. Kerry does research for her son’s homework, Brenda organizes her club’s trips to the theatre and party nights out, while Karen does her mother-in-law’s online shopping. It’s a wonder anyone gets any actual work done!

Saturday 2nd April

The Hanson house has been thrown in to disarray this week after the clocks went forward. How do you explain to a three-year-old that she has to go to bed when it’s still light in the evenings? Should I start teaching her the twenty-four-hour clock already? After dinner and a bath, I tell my little girl that it’s time to put her pyjamas on, but she says, “No, Mummy it’s still wakey time, it’s not sleepy time!” It’s then a struggle to get her up the stairs and into her room, with sunshine still beaming in through the window. As if motherhood wasn’t hard enough, I have to spend an hour trying to get the curtains to close so that they don’t even let in one millimetre of light. Then I can kid her into thinking that it’s night time, before I can have a glass of wine while watching Coronation Street.

This time of year, it will cross my mind to have a spring clean. Actually, I only go through with it once every five years and this happens to be one of those years. Why does it always take eight hours longer than the half an hour you thought it would? I went up in the loft and went through all the bags of clothes that I haven’t worn since I was fifteen. I had a go sorting through my little girl’s stuff too. I reckon I did well collecting ten bin liners full of togs and a signed Ricky Gervais DVD.

Saturday 23rd March

Who’s the Easter equivalent of ’Bah, humbug’ at Christmas? There seems to be a lot of them around. You know them, the miserable people. Those who say, “Don’t buy an Easter egg with all its packaging. You might as well just buy the chocolate, it’s cheaper.” Yes, it might be cheaper, but somehow Cadbury and the other companies have made chocolate in the shape of an egg taste amazing and much better than a bar.

Have you ever injured yourself by doing something silly? It sounds totally ridiculous, but last week I managed to pull a muscle putting on a pair of leggings! I put my feet in and did the special tights and leggings wiggle to get them to my waist. I stood up and felt a sharp pain across my back that would only be eased with an ice pack. It got even sillier when we asked our Heart Breakfast listeners for their stories. Sarah told us that when she worked in a card shop, she pulled a tendon in her wrist tying a knot in a balloon! She literally felt it ‘pop’ (the tendon that is, not the balloon). She had to wear a splint for three weeks. Charlotte burnt her chin on an onion ring and had a blister for a fortnight, but poor Rachel had the funniest story: she managed to hit herself in the face putting on skinny jeans.

Saturday 19th March

I don’t tend to get embarrassed, but I had a right nightmare last weekend. I was taking my three-year-old daughter to her little mate’s party. To celebrate, she’d chosen to wear a flouncy tutu and sparkly shoes, so off we trotted to the venue. We opened the door to find a DJ playing lots of the kids’ favourite tunes and a dance floor covered in disco lights. Lois thought it looked great so she gave me her coat and went off to play with all the other princesses. I took a seat and started to scan the room for my friends’ faces. And I kept on scanning. After scanning some more, it dawned on me that I knew absolutely no one at the do. My heart sank as I realised that we had gate crashed a four-year-old’s party, when a lady approached me who was quite obviously the birthday girl’s mum. Rightly so, she was wondering who on earth I was! Before she could say a word, in an embarrassed state, I explained that I had got the wrong venue and quickly tried to leave without making a scene, grabbing Lois and her coat, as we walked out of the venue. We found the correct place in the end, but even that didn’t go well. I didn’t know that the venue had two halls, so we crashed through the door of one, only to walk straight into an antenatal class! Luckily my little one is too young to realise just how embarrassing her mum is, but I’m sure she will understand very soon.

Saturday 12th March

It’s bad enough when something goes wrong or you break something in your own house, but when it happens in someone else’s place, it’s a whole new level. At a mate’s place last week, my little girl was being very good taking her plate back out to the kitchen. She’s only little and it became obvious that she couldn’t really reach up to the kitchen side when we heard the crash and smash of said plate. Cue lots of apologies and sweeping up from me and crying and wailing from her. Our Heart Breakfast listeners got involved, as they have been creating a scene of carnage as well. Lisa managed to scrape her mate’s car door along a wall, Jamie smashed a lamp with the controller whilst playing Wii tennis and Zoe asked her friends to look after her hamsters while she was away on holiday. The hamsters very kindly ate through the bottom of her friend’s curtains.

There are some meetings that I would’ve loved to be in, such as the one at Yamaha where they decided to diversify from motorbikes to keyboards. Imagine coming up with that as an idea! And how did Michelin go from making tyres to giving stars to nice restaurants? It all seems very strange to me. And which bright spark had the guts to say to Porsche, “You make amazing super cars, but how about diversifying to toasters?”

Saturday 20th February

We’re well into awards season now with the BAFTAs and the Oscars. We watch as the stars walk down the red carpet in all their finery and judge them on their dresses and hair. The celebs take to the stage for a bit of self-indulgence and thank everyone they ever met on a bus. Then they go off to numerous after-show parties to congratulate each other on their prizes. But what are they actually getting an accolade for? Pretending, that’s what! They reap the rewards for playing someone else! My three year-old daughter and I should be up for one of those awards. We regularly pretend to be Cinderella, Dipsy from the Teletubbies or Harry the Cat and I think we do it rather well. 

This week at the supermarket, I was slightly disturbed to see sliced bread rolls. Who is that lazy to think they can’t be bothered to cut their burger bun in half? So on Heart Breakfast, we asked our lovely listeners to tell us about other lazy foods that they’ve spotted – and they didn’t disappoint. Gordon found frozen mashed potato, Gav went for frozen Doner kebabs, but my favourite was sliced and buttered malt loaf from David.

Saturday 6th February

On Heart Breakfast this week, we had a little reminisce about the shops that we used to buys our clothes from when we were younger. Emma, one of our listeners, misses Chelsea Girl, while C&A Clockhouse was on our list, as well as Fosters. I always remember my little brother Daryl’s face when he knew he was going to get dragged around Tammy Girl. It was my life’s ambition to be tall enough to get in their clothes. I would spend hours in there with my mum as soon as I could, then I would strut my stuff at the school disco thinking I was the bee’s knees in my new rah-rah skirt. Rich Clarke, my Heart co-host on the show, told me that his mother bought him a pair of jeans from the market. Did they have a picture of The Flintstones or Bros on them? No, the flags of the world were emblazoned across the bum! Well at least it was educational.

It’s the battle of the budget brands as an Easyfoodstore opens in London this week. We already have shops that do everything for a pound or ninety-nine pence, but now you can get your tuna flakes, spaghetti hoops and noodle pots for just twenty-five pence. Not content with just having an airline, cruises and hotels, Sir Stelios is going for the grocery market. Being able to collect all seventy-six products on offer for less than twenty quid - you just try keeping me away!

Saturday 30th January

Who do you call in a crisis? There’s really only one answer, isn’t there? It was panic stations around my mine this week. I was rushing around, trying to get ready for bed. I went into my downstairs toilet to find what seemed like gallons of water on the floor, which looked as if it had come through the ceiling and down the walls. What would you do? Do you call a builder or a plumber? Nah, it’s always Dad, isn’t it? Somehow they always know what it is and how to rectify it.

Do you ever catch yourself saying something and then thinking, “That’s ridiculous, how did those words even pass my lips?” I found myself in that situation this week, whilst putting my two year-old daughter in the bath. It was that ‘well-known’ phrase, “Can you please take off the giraffe suit before you get in the bath?!” It’s right up there with a Mum at my toddler group shouting to her little one, “Don’t put the baby in the microwave!” as her son tried to shove a dolly in the play kitchen oven.

Saturday 23rd January

Do you know the answer to any of these questions: Jess is a female footballer in which West End musical? Graham Chapman played ‘Brian’ in which Monty Python film? Which naturalist is the ‘Attenborough-asaurus dinosaur’ named after? This week, the TV show ‘The Chase’ saw its worst ever contestant. Even Ant and Dec took to Twitter to comment on Hannah, a 19 year old from West Sussex, who didn’t answer one correct question in the first round but managed to get into the final chase to win a share of eight thousand pounds! What a lucky jammer!

Apparently doing a headstand everyday could be very good for us. My Heart Breakfast co-host Rich Clarke told me that it can improve brainpower and get rid of my grey hairs, so I thought I’d give it a try. Having not done the upside-down stance since I was about eight years old, I approached it with much trepidation, but to my amazement I found that I could still do it. That gives me a reason to do it everyday, so expect to see me up against a wall standing on my head in bars, supermarkets and car parks in the near future.

Saturday 16th January

It’s the New Year and time to give that diet a push to help lose weight. It hasn’t gone so well for my mate Karen who motivated herself to start last Monday. Here’s how she described the first day: Day one of my diet and I had nut roast for tea. Well, the nuts weren’t actually roasted. Ok, so they were covered in chocolate. They were chocolate brazils. I’ll start next Monday.

I was in total shock this week when I opened my latest phone bill to find it was almost £200 higher than normal. Apparently it was due to data calls, so I rang the mobile company and found out it’s when I used 3G. It’s not like I’ve been using the map or playing games away from the house, but I think I may know the culprit. My lovely darling two-year-old daughter is obsessed with going on YouTube to watch videos of, get this, people opening prize eggs! Yes, she would sit there all day if I let her, watching a screen of grown adults unwrapping Kinder eggs and building the prizes inside. And it’s not just her. I’ve caught a glimpse of her little mates doing the same. It’s a whole new world for me. These films have had literally millions of views. Who knew it was so popular? Am I ok to keep her birthday money to cover costs?

Saturday 9th January

It’s the first week of a new year and pretty much everyone has become a January cliché. There is a list of three things that everyone does at the beginning of the year and I reckon, like me, you’ve ticked off more than one. The first is buying sportswear. Of course, you have to look good on a visit to the gym, but is it a case of all the gear and no idea? The second is going on a diet. We all resolve to eat healthier, right? This year is all about spiralizing your veg into spaghetti like strings. Finally, last Tuesday was the busiest day ever for online dating, but not for me, as I had no messages or matches that day.

There was a big moment in the Hanson household last Tuesday. My little girl started pre-school. How can that be? She’s only a baby, not even three yet. I knew that Lois would be fine. She’s confident, independent and will get on with painting and playing with the other children no problem, but I was an emotional wreck. I arrived to drop her off and checked that her hair was looking pretty, wiped her face and nose - first impressions count - and nervously, I walked her in. As it was mealtime, all the kids had their lunchboxes at the table and were busy munching. This is where I encounter problems. My daughter isn’t a big eater andof course will be drawn to crisps and cakes before fruit and veg. I currently send her off with strawberry jam sandwiches every day, which is better than six months ago, when she used to go with just bread and butter. It’s embarrassing because it looks like I don’t give her anything good to eat and I reckon there’s a certain amount of sandwich snobbery that goes on. Little Johnny has prawn and hummus on a bed of rocket, Tilly has an oak-smoked camembert and caramelised chutney nut wrap and Frankie brings her focaccia filled with quail breast, watercress and topped with a pomegranate jus. Then there’s my Lois with two slices of best of both filled with fruit and sugar.

Saturday 2nd January

I tend not to make resolutions for the New Year, when I have; I find I’ve normally broken them by now. But I do make a ‘to do’ list for the year, which sits neatly inside the front of my new diary. It obviously gets ignored until December when I run around frantically trying to reach my goals. In 2015 I missed the targets of getting permanent make up done, getting my daughter into a modelling agency and losing weight. 

For 2016 I’ve added a few, like getting my watch fixed so it actually tells the correct time, adopting a granny and losing some weight. Losing weight seems to have been a recurring entry, this is the year it’s going to happen, but first I’ve got to finish all that Christmas food, no where did I put the rest of that chocolate orange?

Saturday 19th December

Wasn’t it amazing to see the south coast’s Tim Peake blast off into space this week? We all sat around to watch and weirdly a few of us actually got quite emotional. I can’t really work out why we got a lump in our throats. It had quite an effect on my Heart Breakfast co-host, Rich, who has now decided that when he grows up, he wants to be an astronaut. So we asked our lovely listeners what they wanted to be when they grew up. Jo wanted to be a pop star, until someone pointed out that she couldn’t hold a note. Emma hoped to be an air hostess, but didn’t grow tall enough to reach the overhead lockers, while James wanted to be a duck because he loved bread.

Pets are part of the family aren’t they, but what do you get your pet for Christmas? Our Heart listeners were ready to tell us. Scott and Hollie from Romsey buy their guinea pigs Sooty and Sweep a Christmas gift. Last year, Lorraine bought her dog Denzel a block of concrete that he loves pushing around the garden. Claire takes Rowdy the dog around the pet shop, where he picks what he wants until his sack is full. Apparently, he is very good and never greedy. He walks around and nudges what he would like.

Saturday 12th December

It’s the time of the year to get your tea towels and sheets at the ready. My Facebook feed is full of wonderful pictures of people’s little ones in their nativity plays. It is so, so cute to see the shepherds and angels and I can’t wait until my daughter is old enough to be one of the three kings. There’s so much anticipation and excitement surrounding a show as the proud parents file into the school hall and I’m pleased to say that, more often than not, it goes a bit wrong. 

Our lovely Heart Breakfast listeners got in touch this week to tell us about the mishaps that they’ve experienced. Sarah went along to a nativity play to see her daughter, dressed as the angel Gabriel, standing at the front of the stage picking her nose. Andy remembers starring as The Innkeeper at school, but he opened the door to Joseph with so much force that he gave him a nosebleed. Susan beamed with pride as her little girl, playing Mary, took the baby Jesus from the crib a little too roughly. The doll’s head fell off and rolled into the audience. Finally, Andrew turned up to see his daughter in her Christmas show and sat patiently for two hours waiting for it to start, before realising he was in the wrong church.

Saturday 5th December

Now my daughter is two and a half, she’s getting into Christmas and has started to bring home all sorts of decorations. I’ve already got a tree made out of paper plates, as well as a Santa’s stocking and a snowman made out of a loo roll. I’ve got to say, they are slightly lacking. When she gives them to me, obviously I praise her artistic talents, but then I wonder what to do with them. Do I put them in the garage with all the other pictures that she’s crayoned for me and get them back out every Christmas for the next twenty years? Nope, I reckon I’ve come up with a solution. I’m going to give them to friends and family as presents this year. Then it will be down to them to put the decorations on the tree every festive season.

Dogs are pesky, aren’t they? My friend Paul arrived home this week to find that his dog had got hold of the MOT for the car he was selling. It was in bits. On Heart Breakfast, we’re big fans of silly questions, so this week we asked, “What’s your dog eaten?” and the answers made me laugh out loud. Sarah’s mutt ate a hole in their PVC front door, Elizabeth’s pooch ate the deeds to their house and Karen’s hound ate a box of After Eight mints, but left the envelopes.

Saturday 28th November

The rule is that our Christmas decorations shouldn’t go up until December, right? Ok, I see that shops and restaurants put them up at the end of the summer to encourage us to think about our parties and outfits, but there’s no need to put your tree up in November. Earlier and earlier every year, I see trees decorated in twinkly lights come up on my Facebook feed. Let’s face it, if you bought a real Norwegian spruce and put it up now, it would be ambitious to think that it would last until the 25^th December.

I’ve been a mum for nearly three years now and I still find it so hard to tell off my little one without laughing. My daughter has worked out the face to pull that means she can get away with anything, even if I’m losing it. Here’s an example. Lois was in the bath and I’d popped into my bedroom to grab a hairbrush, when I heard a load of water hit the floor. I raced into the bathroom and found the floor swimming. I gave her a stern telling off for pouring the jug of bath water onto the floor. She knows not to, but she filled it up once more and tipped out the contents. Lois froze when I shouted at her to stop. She sat quietly for a couple of seconds, then with great comic timing made me crack up by saying, “It was a bit funny though, Mummy?”

Saturday 21st November

In the past couple of years, I’ve written lots of stories about the naughty things that my daughter has got up to. Now finally, I can tell you about something lovely that she’s done for me. Lois, my two year old, has very kindly decorated my stairs for me in felt tip pen. My little darling was playing nicely while I cooked the dinner in the kitchen. You can always tell that something has gone awry if it goes quiet, can’t you? Well, the silence suggested that I needed to go and have a look at what she was up to. I poked my head around the corner to see the bottom three steps coloured in lovely red, blue and green ink. I think she needs to work on her colouring -in skills, because she’d gone over the line. The lovely Heart Breakfast listeners got in touch with tales of what their kids had ruined and I don’t feel so bad now. Sara’s youngest painted her cream sofa with blue glittery nail polish. Poor Amy heard her 18 month old repeating "dip, dip", so she turned around to find him dunking her brand new iPhone in a cup of tea like a digestive! You have to feel for Andy though, who’d bought a brand new motorbike. It wasn’t even a week old when his toddler son painted it in white gloss.

It’s all go now. He’s making a list and checking it twice. Christmas is fast approaching and all the twinkly trees are going up. The flying Father Christmas above the Market in town is fab. I was at the Marlands on Thursday evening for my favourite light switch on of the season. They manage to create such a magical atmosphere and get me in the festive spirit. I can’t wait to see Santa in his grotto now.

Saturday 14th November

My Heart Breakfast co-host, Rich Clarke, has decided to try and help me out of my single status and find me a man for Christmas. He’s made me a profile on a dating website to see if he can drum up any interest. I don’t know if he realised what a feat this would be. Honestly, you have to do less work to get a degree. I had to answer what seemed like 4000 questions, ranging from my height to the types of music I’m into. Then I had to fill in a questionnaire about the guy that I’m looking for, including some weird stuff like what weight range I’d like him to be and what pets he will have. That’s all before I had to write an advert about myself without seeming arrogant or insecure. The hunt continues.

My favourite time of the year is fast approaching. I love it so much, I’m taking my two year-old daughter to Paultons Park Christmas Wonderland today and I can’t wait. She has started to see Santa out and about and every time we spot him, I point out Father Christmas. I then ask her who it is and she replies, “Farmer Christmas”. It’s so cute, I don’t want to correct her. I have a feeling that the big man in the red suit will be forever be referred to as “Farmer Christmas”. When I asked our Heart Breakfast listeners if they had any similar stories, they came back with some great phrases. Lesley’s son called a caravan “a carrot van”, Nikki’s son named the ex-Take That singer “Wobbly Williams” and Shelly’s daughter calls a certificate a “sticky foot”, even though she’s now twenty-four.

Saturday 7th November

Sales of colouring books for adults have gone up by over three hundred percent. It’s quite incredible to think of grown-ups sitting with felt tip pens, trying not to go outside the line, but it seems everybody is doing it. When you’re on your holidays next summer, sat beside the pool, I imagine there will be a row of people drawing in crayons. Someone has managed to take the idea one step further and has brought out wallpaper that you can colour in. It looks like it might take years, but at least it gives you something to do in the evening. My two year old daughter seems to think we already have this and spends a great deal of her time drawing on the walls.

This week, I realised there are two things that you can rely on a bloke to do: a barbeque and fireworks. We’ve all seen them take over with the tongs, turning the sausages at a summer party. Well now I know they will do the same with a different sort of banger. Having invited my mate Mark round for hotdogs and a few sparklers for the toddlers, I was surprised when he turned up at the door with a huge box of fireworks, when all I’d asked for was help setting them off.

Saturday 31st October

I’ve always seen Halloween as an American thing, but over here it gets bigger and bigger every year. I try to resist but then I am guilty of seeing a band wagon and jumping on it. I’ve never carved a pumpkin in my life, but this week, my two-year-old daughter Lois invited her mate Violet over for an afternoon and I thought it would be a good activity to do with them. I sat them at the kitchen table with spoons at the ready to scoop out the fruit. Oh my goodness, how hard is that? Once I got the knife in to cut the lid, I realised that the little ones would have no chance, so they had to sit quietly while I refused to be defeated by the big ball of orange. I could see their frustration at not doing anything and I was desperately trying to think of something that wouldn’t involve a knife, so I gave them a pen each to scribble some hair on the pumpkin. When they’d finished and I stood back to admire my handy work, the girls had raced off to the living room to finish watching ‘Frozen’. Next year I’ll buy a plastic one, it’ll be much easier. 

I must be getting old because birthdays just aren’t what they used to be. The celebrations used to go on for a week, not twenty-four hours like last Monday. There was a time when my birthday used to be full of friends and family, presents and cards, but this year I went for a full English breakfast with a mate, rang my parents and had a little nap in the afternoon. I did get very excited when the doorbell went though. I raced down the stairs expecting to open the door and find a postman laden down with parcels, but no. It was a guy selling windows.

Saturday 24th October

Facebook is ruining my weekends (well, sort of). There, I’ve said it. I love the social media site because it keeps me up to date with all my mates and their funny goings-on, but the photos that my friends post are costing me a lot of money. Every time I go out and someone takes a picture and puts it on Facebook, it means that I can’t wear that dress again. I have no issue getting lots of wear out of my clothes, but I have just a few select ‘Saturday night’ outfits and I wouldn’t want people looking at my pages thinking that I wear the same frock all the time! So there I am, every week, looking for something new to wear and spending a fortune in the process.

I’m sick of hearing myself say ‘No’ to my little girl Lois. She’s two-and-a-half years old and still very much learning. I decided to spend the whole weekend saying ‘Yes’ to her and doing everything that she wanted to do. We went on a day out to Paultons Park and had a great time. We also went to the Pumpkin Festival at Royal Victoria Country Park, where I let her loose on the bouncy castles for as long as she wanted. That evening we continued the ‘Yes’ journey and ended up having a birthday party for her. It may be months before she hits the big ‘three’, but that is what my little dot wanted and so that’s what we did. It was just the two of us, sat on a blanket in the living room in party outfits and sparkly shoes. We had a balloon, a party blower, some sweets and a Minions cupcake with a candle in it that I lit three times so we could sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and my girl could blow it out.

Saturday 17th October

What a surprise to see a world famous footballer in St James Church on Sunday. Yep, just as I was leaving the church, none other than Alan Shearer walked in for a christening. I was in a bit of shock because it’s not who you’d expect to see and not where you’d expect to see him, is it? We asked the question on Heart Breakfast: Which famous celebrity have you bumped into in an unexpected place? My co-host Rich and I loved the answers from our listeners. Rebecca bumped into the lovely Olly Murs beside a fruit machine in a Lancashire service station, while Peter had a little chat with Tom Cruise at Fawley power station of all places! Tom was there to film the next Mission Impossible film, so maybe not that unexpected. 

I think I’ve experienced one of the most awkward moments in life. Doesn’t it make you self-conscious when you start a new gym class? I did that last week and felt extremely far from my comfort zone. First of all, I had to try and find the correct exercise studio and then I walked into a room full of people who appeared to have known each other since their school days. The next dilemma was where to position myself in the room. Do you go to the front so that you can see what the instructor is doing or hide away at the back, getting the moves wrong? When I’d found a place in the middle, I then had to collect weights and a skipping rope from the boxes at the side, but what weights do you go for? I reckon that I burnt more calories from being anxious than from the actual class.

Saturday 3rd October 

We’re having a bit of a refurbishment in the office at Heart towers and I’m very excited that there’s a skip in our car park. I couldn’t resist a little look to see if there’s anything in there that I wanted or needed. They say that one man’s rubbish is another man’s treasure, but I rarely find treasure. The skip at work has a load of carpet tiles in it that we’ve probably walked all over for years, but it didn’t stop me thinking that I could really use them. I might carpet my garage with them for no other reason than they’re free. Once, I picked an exercise bike out of the bin store where I lived. It only needed a new nut and bolt to make it work perfectly. Obviously I used it for less than an hour before it became a clothes horse.

Everyone is going crazy about NASA’s news this week. They believe that alien life forms could be found on Mars after discovering water on the red planet. It’s seems nuts that this has happened and it’s real mind-blowing stuff, but I have to admit that I’m not that interested in what goes on in space. My mind has to concentrate on what time I have to pick up my little one and what we’re going to have for dinner, more than what’s going on in the solar system. However, if they discovered a swim-up bar in the water on Mars, that would get my attention.

Saturday 5th September

I felt like a student last weekend when I brought the summer to a close with a trip to Reading Festival. I was amazed at the two distinct groups of people that attended. It’s a rite of passage for students who have just received their A-level results and thousands of them descended on Berkshire. It was also full of ageing rock fans seeing bands like Metallica play on the Saturday night and as much as it pains me to say it, I was part of that older group. My fella has been a fan for years and was so excited to see them live. I’ve been preparing to see them for weeks, by choosing my clothes accordingly – denim, of course - and playing a CD of their songs in the car, so I could learn the words and sing along at the gig.

This week, something happened that made me feel like a mum who just doesn’t quite hit the mark. I try to be earthy, listen to the advice I’m given and do the best I can for my two-year-old daughter, but sometimes life gets in the way and I just don’t have the time to live up to my own expectations. If I’ve spent the afternoon painting and playing horsey with Lois, it usually means that I run out of time to make a lovely meal from scratch. I didn’t think this happened all the time, but after putting some rice in the microwave for her and setting the timer for two minutes, I was gutted to hear her announce “It’s dinner time!” when she heard the microwave ‘ping’. Yes, I hang my head in shame that my daughter thinks her cue for food is a beeping microwave.

Saturday 22nd August

I often feel like a I’m a bad mum, as though I'm not doing it right or that I'm not giving my little one what she wants or needs, but sometimes there's nothing I can do about it. This week, my daughter Lois, who's two-and-a-half (the half is important in this story), was singing Happy Birthday around the house. She went off and found a plastic birthday cake with a candle in it. We then had half an hour of singing and pretending to blow out the candle, before she asked if she could have a real birthday with cake, candles and prizes (presents). When I tried to explain that it was another six months until her next birthday, the tears (proper big ones) came. I've never seen her so upset, mortified that she couldn't have a birthday everyday!

What is it with a breakfast buffet that makes us all go a little bit mad? It’s as though the calories somehow don’t count that morning. This week, I went to the Harvester for the first meal of the day with Rich, my co-host on Heart Breakfast. We went crazy! With sausages, bacon and eggs all on the menu, it would’ve been enough to have one round of everything and then leave it. The greedy voice in my head wouldn’t let it go, saying, ‘It’s the same price however much you have, so why not go for it all over again’. There was no real need for round three though, but those pancakes looked so good.

Saturday 15th August 

I’m really quite nervous about something that’s happening in a couple of days. I feel like a pushy parent sending their kid to an audition, but in actual fact, I’m taking my little girl to see the health visitor for her two-year checks. They just want to make sure that she’s developing at the correct rate, talking and walking as she should and things like that. I’m so worried about it that we’ve been doing rehearsals. I shouldn’t worry because she does everything she should at her age, but I want to make sure that she does it all at the appointment. I’ve been training her by playing a bit of Scrabble, but at the moment she can’t think of a word that’s more than six letters. Having said that, Lois has nailed a full Janet Jackson dance routine and got her grade six violin certificate. I just know that on the day, my daughter will refuse to do anything and won’t perform on command!

On Heart Breakfast this week, I asked our lovely listeners to think about the guest lists at their weddings. There’s the immediate family, that’s obvious, but would you have your second cousin at your nuptials for instance? When it comes to friends, would you invite someone that you hadn’t seen since school? There was much uproar this week when Jennifer Anniston got married to Justin Theroux and apparently didn’t invite Matt Le Blanc and Matthew Perry. That’s right, Joey and Chandler weren’t there! Let’s have a think about this though. They worked together twenty years ago and maybe haven’t seen each other for ten years. You wouldn’t invite someone to your big day that you worked with two decades ago, would you?

Saturday 8th August

Summer holidays are in full swing and lots of parents may be starting to pull their hair out, looking for cheap things to do with their kids. “I’m bored!” is a phrase used regularly by children in the six-week break, so on Heart Breakfast this week, my co-host Rich and I asked our audience to suggest activities that don’t cost too much money. Lots of our lovely listeners got in touch to say that they were doing things like crabbing, building dens and having picnics. I’d like to share some of the ideas that I’m doing with my two-year-old daughter. On a daily basis, we play games such as, ‘Can she avoid dropping yoghurt on her dress?’ or ‘Washing up is fun’ and ‘Get the paint on the actual paper’.

Also this week on the show, we asked the question, “What’s the shortest time you’ve ever spent in a job?”. Kerry, one of our listeners, said that she covered just three lessons as a supply teacher before ringing her agency to tell them, “No more”, after she received a rather frosty reception in the staff room. Priscilla started working in a shop but walked out after they wouldn’t let her go to the toilet. The best story we heard was from Tom. After just one day as an electrician, he got a better offer. Unfortunately for him, he still had to work his two-week notice period.

Saturday 1st August

Have you ever gone on holiday, unpacked your suitcase when you arrive and thought, “Why on earth have I brought that with me?” I once took a jumper on a holiday to Egypt. It was forty degrees! I made the mistake of leaving it in my suitcase because that’s where I store my winter clothes in the summer. Heart Breakfast listener Emma managed to take the TV remote control with her on a break to Spain. Carol, another listener, said, “When we went camping in Shoreham, my daughter took a map of Paris, a sellotape dispenser with no sellotape in it and a bicycle pump but no bike! My co-presenter Rich had the best story. He accidentally took an off-cut of carpet from their trailer on a camping trip. It turned out to be the poshest tent on the site, with a lovely warm rug on the floor.

Is this the weirdest week of weather? The sunshine really needs to pull its socks up. It can be lovely, sunny and warm, then suddenly torrential rain, wind and freezing cold, all within an hour. The heating has been on in my house for the last week, even though I feel bad about putting it on in July. Who has any idea what to wear every day? The weather was very strange on Wednesday. I heard the rain coming down on the conservatory in the back garden, but looking out into the front garden, there was nothing. Come on sunshine, we miss you. We need you back.

Saturday 25th July

This week, schools broke up for the summer holidays and just before they finished their terms, kids arrived home clutching their school reports. I remember dreading taking the folder, filled with my teachers’ thoughts, to my parents. I don’t know why though because the reports were always the same. They used to say, “Zoe would be good at (subject) if she applied herself and stopped talking!” I even got an award from my Head of Year for the ‘Loudest Contribution to Discussion.’ We asked our Heart Breakfast listeners to tell us their school report stories. Emma said that one teacher wrote that she had done well throughout the year, but was really shy and quiet. The only issue was that Emma wasn’t actually in that teacher’s class. I loved reading thetext from Mandy about her son, whose science report stated, “He needs to remember that he is in class to learn, rather than increase his chances of romantic success!” 

Last night, a marker pen ruined my evening. The pen resulted in a trip to the hospital after my two year old managed to suck theink out of it. I try very hard to be vigilant about locking away cleaning products from my girl, so I panicked when, after just a couple of minutes in the kitchen, she came back into the living room with scribbles on her face and black ink in her mouth. I washed out as much ink as I could out, whipped her into the bathand made her clean her teeth. I thought that we had washed mostof it out, but after just half an hour in bed, she woke up complaining of a tummy ache. Of course, I frightened myself when I read online about what happens when little ones ingest permanent marker, so I rang the NHS for help. They instructed me to go to A&E and we raced there in no time. Lois was nearlyasleep when we arrived and I was getting worried. Typically though, during the three-hour wait, she did perk up. Well, I say perk up because it quickly turned into her best night out ever. She watched ‘Finding Nemo’, which was playing on a screen in the waiting room, played with all sorts of toys and books, plus she went up and down the slide in A&E about a hundred times. It soon became apparent that she there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.

Saturday 18th July

I have so much respect for young entrepreneurs like my little mate Olivia who, at just ten years old, has set up a business. She makes up 50p ‘mix up’ bags of sweets and sells them to her mates. At that age, it wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to do something like that. I’m the opposite of my Heart Breakfast co-presenter Rich who earned himself some pennies as a kid by re-setting the skittles for his mum’s bowling team. Our Heart listeners also have a bit of business acumen, such as Kim. She used to rent out milk crates to the squaddies who got back to their base after the curfew. They’d pile them up, so they could jump over the fence and Kim would charge them 5p a time. Lisa used to charge her mum a pound for a foot massage, while Hollie used to sell tickets to her neighbours to watch their band ‘Ginger’ perform in the local park. I wouldn’t be surprised if these people appeared on Dragons’ Den!

I reckon that the Tour de France riders are the coolest men on earth. They cover about 200km per day and cycle up mountains that people normally ski down. Not only that, they are double hard. After a nasty crash with the group last week, most of the guys that fell still lined up for the following stage, some with gaffer tape holding their broken collarbones in place.

Saturday 11th July 

With everyone having access to the internet these days, there’s one thing that I reckon today’s generation are missing out on and that’s fan clubs. The excitement of a receiving a newsletter every six months about my favourite star would make me burst. I only ever joined one club and that was the Roland Rat Fan Club. I thought he was hilarious with his sidekick Kevin the gerbil. It felt like the greatest day of my life when I received a Rat Fan ruler and pencil from him. Everybody joined fan clubs, didn’t they? Rich, my co-presenter on Heart Breakfast, was in the Dennis the Menace Fan Club and has kept his plastic card holder all these years. On our show during the week, we loved hearing about the clubs that our listeners joined too. Claire told us that she was chuffed when she got a signed photo from the Lee Sharpe Fan Club and we also heard from David who was sent sew-on patches by the Bucks Fizz Fan Club.

In the news this week, we heard about how we’ll soon be able to do a pregnancy test on our phones. Thinking about how we do a pregnancy test at the moment, how will that work? I don’t want to do that. It’ll ruin my phone.

Saturday 4th July

I’m so lucky with my job at Heart, as I can wear pretty much what I like to work in the radio studio. As much as I would like to wear my pyjamas after rolling out of bed, I resist the temptation. With this week being so hot, the strapless dresses and flip-flops have come out of the wardrobe. On Heart Breakfast, we were interested to hear from people who still have to wear lots of clothes, mostly for their jobs. Jake works for a phone shop and still has to wear a three-piece suit, while another of our listeners, Grace, works in a bakery and has to be completely covered up, even a hairnet and hat. The best story we heard was about three-year-old Ruby who decided that she would wear shorts and a vest, as well as a woolly hat, scarf and gloves to go to nursery.

There is an unmistakable sound that you will hear at this time of the year. It’s the sound of sports day. It’s totally unique and transports me straight back to doing the bean bag race at St Mary’s primary school. This week, Rich and I from Heart Breakfast visited Fairisle Junior school for their sports day. What an amazing time we had! There were teams of kids representing their houses and doing a circuit of all the events. It’s changed a little since my day though, as there was go-karting and cricket, rather than the sack race and the dressing-up race we used to do. Rich and I decided to bring back the egg and spoon and I was confident that I would beat all six foot of him. On the start line, things didn’t go well for me when Rich grabbed my egg off the spoon and cracked it straight over my head. I didn’t stand a chance.

Saturday 24th June

Disaster struck the Hanson household this week. After a lovely day at West End Carnival, where we enjoyed the procession, grabbed a hotdog and went on the rides, I pushed my two year-old daughter home in her buggy. She was fast asleep and so she didn’t notice that she was missing her adored teddy. He goes everywhere with her. He is her comfort, her pillow and her dress-up dolly and he was nowhere to be seen. In a blind panic, I ran down the road to see if her little mate in a red jumper could be found. I even asked a neighbour to have a look, but I heard nothing. My little one still hadn’t woken up and I wondered how I would resolve the situation. I found a couple of substitutes that would hopefully save me from a night from hell, knowing that the bear wearing the yellow jumper instead probably wouldn’t cut it.

I emailed everyone that I could, including the parish council, the pub and the carnival committee and I put a post on Facebook pleading for the safe return of my daughter’s best mate. I was overwhelmed by the concern and response with lots of friends sharing the picture of the missing bear. I was nervous on Sunday morning, but my little one woke up and presumed that he was in the wash so carried on playing with her other toys. Then the message came. He’d been found. Through the power of social media, a lovely girl had found him whilst on a dog walk and remembered seeing my Facebook post the night before. I was ecstatic, but not outwardly, so Lois didn’t know there was an issue. Not only had the kind girl found beloved teddy, she’d taken lots of pictures of him on his little holiday, while he was reading a book, having breakfast and snuggling up to their dog. My faith in humanity has been restored.

Saturday 20th June

For a few months now, I’ve been struggling with a lack of sleep because my little one is up at least four times in the night. I just can’t get a full night’s rest. My two year old wakes up every couple of hours and wants milk, as well as to get into ‘mummy’s bed’. I have to admit that I give in most times and I end up running downstairs to get a bottle and letting her get under my duvet. I have to stop, but it’s so hard. I have to be up before 5am and will do whatever is easiest to get through the night with the most amount of sleep. I tried my hardest to stop it this week, so I could have a good night with Lois in her own bed and no demands for milk. Oh my goodness, it was tough. She came into my room at 2am and tapped my face asking for a bottle until I woke up. I had to tell her that there was no milk, that it had run out and that the milk had gone to bed as it was night-time. This was met with a meltdown of massive proportions and continued for more than an hour. I tried to cuddle her and let her into my bed to see if that would calm her down, but nothing worked. She kept crying and then wanted me to take her pyjamas off, which I did to appease her. As soon as I had taken them off, she wanted them back on. Through her sobs and screams, I could hear a faint request to take them back off again. I did all this in the dark and had managed to put both her legs in one pyjama leg. The poor little thing was flailing around like a mermaid!

Saturday 6th June 

In the news this week, Cheddar has been voted the nation’s favourite cheese. Is that really news? It’s not for me, as I hate cheese! I’m regularly seen as a bit of a weirdo because I turn my nose up at the stuff. I pick it off pizzas and I can’t bear to touch or smell it. It makes my heart sink when someone orders a cheese board after a meal and I usually just eat a biscuit and a grape from the plate and have to pay a fiver for the privilege. Why would anyone eat anything that has purposely gone off?

There has been a lot of talk about dogs on Heart Breakfast this week. There was of course Matisse, the winner of Britain’s Got Talent and his stunt double. Rich, my fellow presenter on Heart, is very ‘dog broody’ and he’s desperate to get a four-legged friend. He’s already looked around for the perfect pooch and wants to get a Fox Terrier that he plans to call Parker. It’s all very well wanting a dog, but I decided to see if he’s ‘dog ready’ so I sent him out in the middle of a storm at the beginning of the week with one of those imaginary dogs on a lead. He pretty much passed that test, but he was only out for about five minutes. Will he be ready to turn down a showbiz party to take Parker out for walkies instead? No, he told me that he’d take the dog along to the party with him! He even admitted that he would stand on the edge of the pavement to shield the dog from being splashed by cars driving through puddles.

Saturday 29th May 

Being a single mum, I've been searching for some sort of exercise that I can do with my little one in tow. I don't like the gym as she'd have to go in a crèche and it would be boring for her. I used to play hockey, but that would be a little difficult with a two year old screaming for teddy from the sidelines. So I bought a bike, a lovely shiny red bike with a child seat on the back. We put on our coats and shoes, ready for its inaugural ride. We took the cycle helmets out of their boxes and put them on our heads. Mine stayed on, but Lois' didn't. It fell down off her face straight away. My daughter is a little dot. Even though she is two-and-a-half, she still wears clothes for a one year old, so the toddler bike helmet was way too big for her. Never mind, with a bit of determination to get on the bike, I found a solution with the bike helmet. I just had to fill it out a little more. So when you see a girl wearing a woolly bobble hat under her cycle helmet, you'll know it's us

I was that person last week. The one who comes back to work after the bank holiday weekend looking like a lobster - but not all of me. After a day out at the country park last Saturday, I was compared to a red version of Mr. Bump. The weather forecast leading up to the weekend had been atrocious and do you know why? It’s because I was staying in a caravan in Somerset, that’s why. I ventured out with the rest of the family to see the animals, ride on the train and go down the slides in a dress, leggings, socks and trainers. It was so hot that I popped into the toilet and whipped my leggings off to get my bare, pale legs out. I was too busy covering my daughter in sun cream that I didn’t do mine properly. I ended up with red arms, white shoulders and a white sock mark that makes my ankles look like they’re on fire.

Saturday 23rd May 

Somehow, I can manage to look like the worst mum in the world in the most innocent of situations. Take last weekend for instance, when I took my two-year old daughter to the park. It should have been a lovely, uneventful trip to go on the swings and the slides, but it took a turn for the worse when I announced that it was time to leave and go home. She made it very clear that she didn’t want to go, by stamping her feet and grizzling, before running off to go on the assault course once more. To coax her away from the playground and back to the car, I told her that I had spotted some puddles for her to jump in. Wearing her wellies, I thought this would be a nice treat, as all kids enjoy jumping in muddy puddles, just like Peppa Pig. Looking at the puddles, I thought that the water wouldn’t even go over the toes of her wellies, but as she ran into the water, it was like the scene from The Vicar of Dibley. Deceptively deep and near her waist, Lois was soaked and I was laughing my head off rather than rushing to pick her up. Anyone watching would’ve thought, “Look at that mum, telling her little one to go through the water, just to watch her get wet through.” Lois, of course, loved it!

Saturday 16th May

It’s been a massive week on Heart, where we gave away £100,000 with Heart’s 100 Happy Days, so we asked our listeners how they’ve celebrated something in their lives. Hanna lost 8lbs and celebrated with a giant bag of chocolate buttons; Lee went and got a bargain bucket from the KFC drive-through when he passed his driving test, while Nikki had a party to celebrate her divorce.

The exam season is well and truly underway, with GCSEs and SATs happening this week. With that in mind, on Heart Breakfast we thought about the things that we should have been taught at school. Nothing to do with history, geography or science, it’s things like being able to open the bonnet of your car to fill up the screen wash container. At the moment, I have to take my car to the garage to do it. Wouldn’t it be good if they taught you valuable life lessons, like how to use a washing machine, how pensions and tax work or what to put on your profile on a dating website?

David Cameron has had a busy week finalising his cabinet. Is anyone as childish as me, with a vision of him sat on the floor trying to put together a bit of flat-packed furniture, scrabbling around on the carpet searching for that missing screw?

Saturday 9th May 

I used to really enjoy jumping in the car and heading off to a mate’s place for the weekend. Oh how things have changed! Last Friday, I arrived at my friend’s house for an overnight stay after a very stressful ninety-minute journey that should have taken forty minutes. The preparations started on Wednesday, when I packed the bags with clothes and shoes for whatever the weather might be, plus extra dresses for any accidents that may occur and what seemed like five thousand toys. On Friday afternoon, we set off fairly hastily, as I was trying to beat the weekend rush hour London traffic. 

10 minutes behind schedule - After ten minutes on the road, I realized that I’d left my phone at home, so I turned the car around and went back to get it. It meant that I was running twenty minutes behind schedule, which was no bother. However, we had to return to the house yet again when my very tired two-year old started crying and whinging and then screaming for milk, teddy and her blanket. I need a bed and a duvet to go to sleep, but these are the things that my little one needs. Rather than have my ears bleed, I went back to collect the bear and the drink for her.

40 minutes behind schedule - We were making good time but then we hit some traffic. Normally that would be fine, but then I started to feel like I needed the toilet. Once the thought was in my mind, I couldn’t shift it, but my girl was now asleep. I didn’t want to stop and wake her up so I just kept on driving.

50 minutes behind schedule - Lois had woken up and I was pacifying her by passing her little bits of rice crispy squares to eat. She does a weird thing with her food. She takes a mouthful, chews it, but keeps the food in her mouth. She then puts more in her mouth until she can’t fit anymore in, then she tries to swallow the lot, at which point she spits it out. Most of the time it’s all fine and good, but on this occasion, her spitting became a full-blown puke. I could hear waves of it coming out of her mouth and going everywhere. I slowed the car down and stopped by the side of the road, making other drivers wonder what was going on as I ran around to get her out. I was greeted with a scene of carnage. Old milk, bread, carrots, ham and rice crispy squares were everywhere and it was stinking. I took my little girl out of the car, put her down barefoot on the pavement and got her out of her lovely pretty dress. Now standing on the path in just a nappy she couldn’t resist the opportunity to chase after a dog and pick daisies, while I used up all the wipes that I had left to try and clean up. With no more wipes left in the packet, I had no other choice than to continue the journey with all the windows down to try and get rid of the smell. I can bear witness to the fact that a hot sunny day does not help with a car stinking of regurgitated milk!

90 minutes behind schedule, I finally pulled up at my mate’s house and couldn’t get out of the smelly vehicle quick enough.

Saturday 2nd May 

I know it was last week, but the London marathon is at the front of my mind. A friend of mine is now busy collecting in all the sponsorship money she was pledged. She is doing it now that she can walk again and has the mental capacity to remember who wrote on her form. You see it's not just physical fatigue that sets in, but also mental. I did it ten years ago and what I didn't know was that for a whole week after you lose brain power. I found that I had no short term memory and had to write absolutely everything down. You know when you walk into a room and can't remember why you are there or what you went there for, that happens all the time. Constantly walking into shops and forgetting what I had gone to buy. But the atmosphere of the race is fantastic and is a feeling that I will never ever forget. The tough part is not the day, the thousands of supporters will get you round and are always ready with encouragement, but it's the six months of training in the wind, the cold and the rain. You see even the people that are not dressed in some silly costume are still having their own struggle. We are not made to run twenty six miles easily, even though Paula Radcliffe can do it quickly, you always see the elite runners being sick at the end. It's a very emotional day too, you hear so many stories of people who have overcome so much to take part, or are running for some amazing cause. I first started crying at the start line, when I heard the London marathon theme and I'm afraid that it carried on round most of the course. You become part of the running community, if someone starts walking, another runner is soon tapping them on the back saying, "C'mon we'll do this bit together."If you are thinking of applying, please do. The sense of achievement on the finish line is amazing and hats off to anyone who can get round the course.

Saturday 25th April 

Ever fancied being a world record holder? I’m so excited to be involved in this event, Brides in the aisles is an attempt on the record for most people in a wedding dress in one place. Having never got married you’d imagine I’d never got the chance to wear a wedding gown , but you’d be wrong. On the day that I should have walked down the aisle (It got cancelled.) I wore my lovely lace frock to the Isle of Wight festival and dragged it through the mud while watching the Kaiser Chiefs. I was under the impression that most brides put the dress away, never to be seen again, after the big day, but I was wrong. It seems ladies want to get their money’s worth from the most expensive outfit of their lives. Wonderful Heart Breakfast listeners got in touch to tell us when they’ve worn theirs. Louise wore hers to her daughters princess birthday party, when William and Kate got married, Amanda wore hers to work on the day of the royal wedding and was pretty embarrassed at having to stop at the garage on the way in. And Mark had an admission to make, on his wedding night, he and his new spouse swapped outfits and jumped about on the bed.

Lots of things on facebook annoy me, but I think I quite like it, I don’t de-friend the people who put up lots of pictures of pets sitting, running and sleeping. However I do hover over the unfriend button though when I see someone post a ‘selfie’ when they got someone else to take the photo. It’s not a selfie when you don’t take it yourself, the clue is in the title!

Saturday 18th April 

Silence when you have kids can only mean one of two things, either they have fallen asleep or they are up to no good. My friend Gemma thought exactly the same when it went quiet at home. After she climbed the stairs she found her 7 year old son, Tyler, on her laptop, browsing eBay. But it turned out Tyler had done more than browse, he’d started bidding on his favourite toy, Nerf guns and had got up to bidding £100 for what was actually worth about £10. Not only that, they were collection only from about 150 miles away, so you can add another £50 for petrol. After telling this story on Heart Breakfast loads of our lovely listeners got in touch to tell us how their kids had cost them money. Julie’s son bid on a £750 tool box and £500 boat on eBay! He was 10 at the time. Darryl from Eastleigh’s daughter kept ordering Frozen from Virgin TV not realizing that it cost 4.99 each time and only lasted two days. And Lesley said when her daughter was small, it went quiet upstairs and she suddenly noticed water running down her newly wallpapered lounge wall from the ceiling - went upstairs to discover an overflowing bathroom sink and her daughter and her friend teaching Barbie to swim. I loved the one from Tracey, her daughter started using the in app purchase button and ended up paying £75 to watch cartoon penguins slide down ice. If you’re reading this and thinking that it gets better as they get older, then don’t listen to Luke, who said he missed his flight home from his first holiday with his mates and had to make the dreaded call to his folks to get them to book and pay for another flight.

Saturday 11th April 

Hands up if you still have a tax disc in its little sticky wallet in the bottom corner of your windscreen? I have. I can’t bring myself to take it down as I’m so used to it. That little flash of colour in the corner of my eye has been in every car I’ve driven in the last twenty years. To remove it will make the car look so bare. It’s the same when you take down your Christmas tree and decorations in January and you realise that you need to re-decorate. 

When we were young, we all had loads of hobbies and gradually over time we gave them up, but can you remember the reason that we gave them up? I remember that I gave up running after I came second at the county championships. I couldn’t stand being a loser. Heart Breakfast listener Kate gave up the cello because she found it hard to get the instrument to and from school as it was twice the size of her. Neil gave up skateboarding after just one week when he realised that his brother was better at it than him. And my mum wasn’t destined to be a ballerina. She gave up ballet classes after she was cast in a show as a flat-footed duck.

Saturday 28th March 

Do you ever get the urge to be spontaneous and just do something for the hell of it? I love to hear stories of people flying by the seat of their pants. Like the 2  guys who were in their local pub having a pint and couldn’t decide what to do for the weekend, so they took a cab 125 miles to the airport and got a flight to Thailand. And why not? Heart breakfast listener Prim was on holiday in America this week and decided to run the Boston Half marathon as it started right outside her hotel. I remember touring round Scotland a few years ago and driving through ski resort Aviemore. I was wearing high heeled boots, legging and a dress, but when asked if I fancied hitting the slopes, my response was ‘Why not?’

There have been a couple of stories in the news recently that have sparked my interest. IKEA have banned games of hide and seek from their stores worldwide, after hundreds of people had been turning up to play social media organised games. They found them in fake fridges, cupboards and under rugs. It does sound like a load of fun though doesn’t it? The other headline I’ve been following is that Kanye West will headline Saturday night at Glastonbury festival. Plenty of festival goers not greeting this with smiles and moaning and who can blame them after his Brits performance. I think it would be a great idea to combine the two stories and for everyone at Glastonbury to play hide and seek when Mr Kardashian in on stage.

Saturday 21st March 

Mothering Sunday is the one day of the year when I can expect breakfast in bed right? Fat chance! Ok, she is only 2, so my daughter can't really be trusted to make a decent cuppa. I was woken at 5.26am this Mothering Sunday, not by cute gurgling, but "mummmmmmyyyyyy!" Being screamed straight into my ear and being smacked in the face with a bottle. A quick cough in my face, to make damn sure I'm going to get that cold that the 15 oranges I ate the day before won't ward off. A foot in the eye as Lois climbs into my bed and demands to watch Frozen. I try and get her to say "happy Mother's Day." She says "happy birthday mummy!" It's okay, I'll take that.

Trying to be the perfect mum, I offered Lois anything she'd like for breakfast, she chose an egg. So being the domestic goddess I am (I'm not) I made her scrambled egg on toast, well on bread, I couldn't be bothered to toast it. I even let her have ketchup as it was a special day. The egg got left, the bread got left, the ketchup got licked off the plate and spilt down her front. I had Heart on the radio, they were playing Adele, Make You Feel my Love, so I started singing the beautiful words to my little girl, I didn't think it sounded that bad. But it was greeted with a "Noooo, Noooo, Noooo! Stop!" All this by 9.30.

Saturday 14th March 

Spring has sprung and to make the most of it last weekend, my 2 year old daughter and I headed off to the park. Lois loves to go down the slide, run round, climb up the stairs and slide down again, so I’m just stood supervising really. But I was consumed with nerves when a group of lads playing football in the same park, managed to miss the ball and let it head in my direction. When it rolled towards my feet, I panicked, should I just pick it up and throw it back, saving the embarrassment of sending it off in the wrong direction? Or do I brave it out and boot it back to them with my fingers crossed? I don’t think I’ve ever been as chuffed as when I punted it to them with some style I must say and even sent it where I wanted it to go.

I’ve used quite a few dating websites, so much so that I am now getting a little bit bored of reading the same old profile and have started adding into them new meanings for things. You see guys write their low down from their own point of view of what they think we will find attractive, news for you boys, it's actually what YOU find attractive in your men friends. It seems that our boys on the south coast all go mountain biking FOUR times a week, take a month off in the winter to go snowboarding and have the BEST sense of humour. Other things that come up regularly are that they are honest and genuine or looking for someone that is honest and genuine, in other words that means cheated on and hurt in the past. More translations coming soon.

Saturday 7th March

Its probably the best news I’ve heard in ages, wine makes you more attractive. I've worked on this theory for sometime now and have worked out that other people definitely become more attractive the more vino i quaff, but its now been proved that it does things to us that improves our looks too. It makes your cheeks rosy, your pupils dilate and your facial muscles to relax so you appear more approachable. But, heres the down side, you cant have more than one glass of red, two glasses make the changes too exaggerated and don’t improve your looks at all. 

I gave birth 2 years ago, but I continue to put on weight like I'm in the first trimester of pregnancy. But it's not my fault, the blame lies at my daughters door. You see, it's not really my food, so it doesn't count. Today I gave her an iced doughnut, she ate the icing then gave the bottom back to me, I stood in the middle of a tots group and shoved it straight in my mouth, rather than look for a bin. 

This weekend we went to a lovely 2nd birthday party. The food looked amazing and rather than let Lois leave it on the plate, because she was only interested in eating frazzles and chocolate cake, I scoffed the lot. Well, it was a shame to leave it. 

There was also a party bag full of treats. Someone had lovingly made some pink marshmallow rice crispy squares, which I offered to Lois. She wasnt too interested and ran off to put play dough in the DVD player, so I tried it and liked it. I tried all of it.....and the beautiful cake too. I just can't work out why I can't lose any weight….

Saturday 7th February

We’re past the first month of the year and still they keep coming up on my facebook page. Lots of things annoy me on the social media site,  pictures of food, kids in the tiniest bit of snow and dogs wearing sunglasses are some of my bug bears. But, there’s a new kid on the block, getting on my nerves. I really don’t want to see a photo of your awful looking green gunky smoothie made in a nutribullet that you bought in the new year to make you feel healthy. I know you made ice cream milkshakes in it really.

Kids really should come with an instruction manual, or at least a rule book for parents. I could really have done with one last week. Whilst my 2 year old daughter, Lois, was in a toddler area of a soft play place, I was approached by another mum and totally taken back by her complaint that My little one had pushed past her child. But her moan was pretty much met by deaf ears, not because I don’t care, but I didn’t have a clue what to do about it. What should I have done? If I’d told Lois off, she wouldn’t have made the connection, because too much time had passed. what I really wanted to say was  “Aaaaaand?” Of course, I didn’t,  I just apologised and carried on with what I was doing, but felt incredibly guilty. Was that the correct way to handle it? I could really do with an answer to this as I have a feeling that this is a situation I may be in again.

Saturday 30th January

I’ve really embarrassed myself. I’ve really let myself down, by saying something completely inappropriate whilst making a complaint. It was cold and frost a couple of Sunday’s ago, but I had that uncontrollable craving for a fried breakfast. I couldn’t be faffed with going to the shop and getting it all myself so I googled the pub down the road to see if they did one and what time they opened their doors. I wrapped up my toddler and put her on her trike for the 2 mile walk in freezing conditions. Half an hour later we arrive at the pub door, by this time I was literally dribbling, desperate for my cooked breakfast. I went for the door, I pulled and pulled, but disaster had struck, the place was shut. Totally devastated, I knocked so hard my knuckles hurt, but no one came. So I picked my phone up and rang them to convey my disapproval. A very nice and apologetic manager came on the line to listen to my rant “How would you like a voucher so you can come another day?” My reply?  “Yep, that’d be great. Thanks very much. Lots of love. Bye bye!” I had gone from a pretty stern complaint to sending him lots of love within about 20 seconds. I’m too embarrassed to go and pick up that voucher now.

Saturday 24th January

Scientists have dropped an IPhone 100,000 feet from the edge of space and it still worked after it had hit the earth. Is this what we are doing research into? Aren’t there other things to be discovered in space? How did they make sure it didn’t land in water on our planet? Is it like the penny falls arcade machine, where they had to time it right, like when the shelf is in and then shout go? It sounds to me like a load of teenage boys doing ‘experiments’. What else have they dropped to see if it still worked, TV’s, cars, beer? And why if that phone survived being dropped from space, does mine break falling from my pocket to the floor????

I felt very sorry for Sheridan Smith on Wednesday night at the NTA’s, or not at the NTA’s. The very first award to be presented was best dramatic performance, of which she was announced the winner. But she wasn’t there at the ceremony at the O2, she was with her Mum, in a cab, stuck in traffic. Poor thing, she missed getting a national television award because the roads were clogged up. I remember a couple of years agoLabrinth winning a Brit award, but not appearing on stage. The reason, he was in the toilet and missed it. 

Saturday 17th January 

If you’re anything like me, you get very excited when you find something interesting on the beach. I dream of how long and how far it has come. I would have been out of my mind to find stuff that washed up on beaches in the last week. Eighteen years ago a cargo ship sank off the coast of Cornwall, its wares have just made it to shore. The best bit of this story, it’s a load of Lego that made it to the sand, but not only that, the Lego is all nautical themed. So, don’t be surprised if you spot little Lego men on your holidays this year, complete with scuba gear, snorkels and flippers.

January seems to be a month of change at work for a lot of people and lots of interviews take place. There seems to be a rising trend in interviewers asking tricky questions. I remember being asked to talk for minute on eating a Cadbury’s crème egg underwater. They probably didn’t appreciate the twenty seconds of silence, but I got the job anyway, as a Butlins redcoat. This goes on in ‘normal’ jobs too. In an interview to be a shop assistant, Heart breakfast listener Joe was asked “If he was a goat, would he be a mountain goat or a field goat?” And Emma was asked what she would do if she found a giraffe in her garden.

Saturday 10th January 

I would never profess to being cool, but I don’t think I’m un-cool either. Who has the deciding vote on what’s cool and what’s not anyway? On trend magazine Vogue has released a list of things that they have declared cool for this year and I think I’m completely out of fashion. Aerobics has made the list, so get your leggings and leotard out of the wardrobe and start prancing around. They have put a school favourite on there too, fountain pens are making a comeback for 2015. But most surprising of all, you are seen as a smooth mover if you play lawn bowls, makes your Nan cooler than you.

When I was a kid I remember the January sales being a massive thing. Heading to the shops to have a good rummage in the new year was exciting, but now the shops are open with bargains on Boxing day, it’s lost a little of its sparkle. On Heart Breakfast this week we asked if anyone had managed to find anything worth having in the sales. The response was amazing and I think bargain hunting should now be seen as an Olympic sport. Heather found a £10 bra for a quid, Chloe got a pair of black skinny jeans for a pound too. But hats off to Michelle who managed to find trousers for £1 each and so bought a pair for each member of her family, kitted out for a fiver, you can’t say fairer than that.

Saturday 3rd January 

I was so excited for my little girl this Christmas. She was going to meet Father Christmas, she cried. She was big enough at nearly 2 to sit at the table with us, pull a cracker and have a turkey dinner, she only wanted to eat beans. I chased down the stairs with her on Christmas morning to see if the big man had been, she couldn't have been less interested in presents.

For an hour I put lovely things wrapped in bright paper in front of her, totally disinterested. I tried to rip a bit to start her off, nope nothing, Lois was more entertained by a pot of coins. 

There was, of course 1 thing that she did play with straight away, my daughter is a Christmas cliché, quite happily playing with the box her dolly came from, for the whole day. 

New Year's Eve wasn't much better, after in bed by 10 and asleep, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and poured another glass of wine, only to hear the beautiful sound of wailing again at 11.40. But of course, she was soundo again at 11.58 so I just whispered "Happy New Year."

Saturday 27th December 

So the first bit of the festive season is all done and now it’s on to sorting out the biggest night out of the year. New years eve, three words that actually fill me with dread. It’s a night where people who don’t normally go out, get their glad rags on and go out and party. It means the normal venues I go to for a drink are absolutely packed to the rafters. The bar is ten deep and I have the privilege of paying to get into a bar that is usually free. Standing next to people in such a bar is made all the worse by the expectation that everyone should be ecstatic on the last day of the year. Having been out on a fair few nights out this year, I’ve had my fill and with my new age, I’m dreaming of going home and my bed, not watching squiffy strangers slobber all over each other at midnight. And don’t get me started on taxis, charging me fifty four times the normal price, that’s if you can book one at all. So this year, I will be at a house party....for one.

Saturday 20th December 

With less than a week to go until the big day, research has been done into the presents we’re given and whether we actually like them. We get an average of eight, of which we hate two. That’s massive, we don’t like a quarter of our gifts, I have to agree slightly though, some are pretty awful. Heart breakfast listeners got in touch this week to tell us about their worst presents, Ali got a tray from her Aunt, just what every fourteen year old wants. Pete got a toothbrush from his nan when he was nine and last year Jennie got a cheese grater from her mother-in-law that had old cheese on it. Maybe she tried it out first Jennie?

Of course everyone likes a cuddle right? I absolutely love them, in fact with a colleague I set up cuddle Wednesday. Every Wednesday after the show we'd have a good hug. After a particularly stressful week and a pretty strong hug for a couple of minutes, we both started crying because we loved it so much. So I'm definitely going to sign up for this when it reaches Southampton. Cuddle workshops are being set up in London, where after 4 hours getting acquainted you cuddle a stranger. I might set up my own free class.

Saturday 13th December 

We went back into the depths of our memories this week on Heart breakfast, while thinking about things that happened at Christmas when we were kids but don’t happen now. The reason I started talking about this is, that rather than buy someone a CD album, I have instead bought them an iTunes voucher. It feels so weird buying people a virtual present, I remember being at the CD player in a nano second to play my new music. The other thing that I remember from Christmas as a child is that if you didn’t already have the batteries for that toy that you’d hankered after all year, you’d had it. There were no shops open, not even a garage. We all used to wear our special Christmas day outfit, Granddad would wear his new waistcoat, not a reindeer onesie, Dad would have a novelty apron on which everyone thought was the funniest thing ever. My stocking always had a Satsuma in it, that I would place back in the fruit bowl straight away. And lastly the presents under the tree were not to be opened until dinner was eaten and Carols had been sung, oh no, wait, that one still happens in our house. 

Saturday 6th December

A group of ladies have taken part in the most terrifying mums race ever. This is not normally the time of year when we think about sports days, they're normally saved for the summer term. But of course in Australia it's really warm at the mo and the perfect time for the school to hold its annual race day. Being Aussie they don't have an egg and spoon race, they go surfing. Whilst the mums were swimming around on their boards trying to catch a break, an onlooker spotted a shark beside them. It then started jumping in and out of the water. Terrifying stuff. The biggest danger at ours is tripping over your own feet and embarrassing your little one.
 
By this time of year, kids have normally written their letters to Father Christmas, there have been some strange requests for the big man this year though. Lots of requests for food from Heart Breakfast listeners, Tracey’s son has asked for a roast and a doughnut, while Cassie’s five year old daughter has added a fresh pineapple to her list. Alison’s daughter will be made up on December 25th if she gets a Biro. And Karen had to give Santa a bit of a hand to find what her 3 year old son had asked for, a real bus conductor’s ticket machine, they had to go to a museum to get it.

Saturday 29th November

We’re all under pressure at this time of the year to be ready for Christmas. That one day a year causes so much hassle. Putting the tree up, fighting through the crowds in the shops and having to spend a whole day wrapping presents. All laborious things that have to be done, none as monotonous as writing your Christmas cards though. Every year I try and get the list down to under one hundred, but I buckle under the pressure and send them to everyone I’ve ever met. Another hurdle for me is trying to remember names to put in the cards. New babies have been born, I can never remember their names, people have got married, I can never remember their new married surname and new boyfriends, and I’ve no chance of remembering those. So, for an hour this week, I had to trawl facebook doing my research.

We are apparently living in bridezilla Britain. A new survey has revealed that one of the happiest days of a woman’s life does not carry the same feeling by her closest friends. Nearly three-quarters believed they had been lumbered with an unflattering outfit, to make the bride look prettier. I had bright red hair when I was maid of honour at my mate’s do, it was so bright that she thought it clashed with the lilac dress and made me wear a wig!

Saturday 21st November 

Gemma Collins from The Only Way Is Essex quit the I’m a celebrity, get me out of here jungle this Wednesday after just a few days. I find it so strange that she didn’t work out that it would be hard going. Surely she’s watched the programme before? Anyway, it reminded me of when I quit a job after just one day. I was working in a factory making parts for washing machines, I had no problem with that, but I had to leave after having to listen to lots of women talking about their diets for eight hours, I just couldn’t stand it. Rich and I had a big laugh on Heart Breakfast though when Emma from Alresford got in touch and told us that she’d joined a dance group and quit halfway through the first song. And Julie who said her Dad had quit giving her driving lessons seven minutes into the very first one.
 
Pizza Hut launched its own perfume this week. When faced with this information, my initial reaction is ‘eeeurgh’ why would anyone want to smell like that, but after thinking about it, I will be adding it to my letter to Santa. I’m a single girl who spends a fortune on expensive perfumes to smell nice for the opposite sex. But what I saw in the carvery last weekend changed my mind. Guys go nuts for a roast dinner, so I’m thinking of bringing out my own fragrance, Eau de Gravy.

Saturday 15th November

We were at fever pitch this week on Heart breakfast at the news that Tom Cruise was in town to film Mission Impossible 5. I went out cruising for Cruise, donning binoculars I went to Royal Victoria Country Park to see if I could catch a glimpse of the man himself across the water at Fawley power station. No need, our lovely listeners spotted him all over the place. He was spotted in Shoezone Eastleigh, buying slippers, in Nando’s West Quay, going for the hottest chicken and trying out the sofas in DFS Hedge End.
 
I’m feeling pretty smug at what I’ve achieved this week. I have finished all my Christmas shopping. Apparently women spend about thirteen hours traipsing round the shops collecting up gifts to go under the tree. However men only spend around three hours doing the same. My Dad trumps the lot though, only spending seconds doing his festive shop. He hands me some cash on Christmas eve and sends me to the stores to find something that my Mum will like to unwrap. I arrive home with bags of pressies, then my Dad gets my brother to wrap it up. I can’t work out if it’s lazy or genius.

Saturday 8th November 

I was criticised this week when I announced that I was going Christmas shopping after the show. What’s wrong with doing it now? My facebook feed is already full of bah humbugs, saying that it’s still too early to even think about getting festive. John Lewis have released their advert, which will make everyone add a penguin to their letter to Santa, and that gives me licence to head to the shops and get sorted for the big day.  There’s no way I want to be traipsing around the stores with what feels like a million other people and getting annoyed at a queue that’s fifty strong and putting the stuff back and going home empty handed.
 
Coronation street got me way too excited this week. It wasn’t the Tracey and Rob wedding going wrong, no it was a minor thing that I spotted in the Platt household. Gail Platt has the same peg bag as me! I know, amazing. Listeners to Heart Breakfast got involved too, telling Rich and I what they’d seen on tele that they owned. Eddie had spotted his Denby mugs on Emmerdale in the King household and then had spotted them being used for a cuppa in the Queen Vic in Eastenders. And Kate spotted Deirdre Barlow ironing in a dress that her mum had for best.

Saturday 1st November

I have no problem with turning forty, but I’ve realised it’s everyone else that has an issue with it. I hit the milestone last weekend and had three parties to celebrate. I didn’t feel any different when the clock struck midnight on Saturday and I have noticed no change this week. But my mum couldn’t shut up about it on Sunday and kept saying that she couldn’t believe I was in my fourth decade and even said that I was well in to my forties on Monday. The first email I opened on Sunday morning, expecting a lovely happy birthday message from my friends, was asking if I’d written a will yet and my first bit of post was from the doctors, inviting me for an over forties health MOT. Thanks everyone.
 
Taxi’s of the future will broadcast your favourite TV shows on their screens and they will know so much about you, the cab will turn up before you order it. This is the most fantastic invention for me, combining TV and nights out. I’ve always had a bother sending myself home after a few drinks, I always want to be the last one at a party, so having a cab anticipate that you need to go home, is perfect. Maybe they can go one step further and be like your dad picking you up from the school disco, dragging you out?

Saturday 25th October 

Tomorrow I go over the hill and life starts apparently. I still can't say the number but it rhymes with naughty. I had the best party last Saturday at Grand Cafe and felt very loved at the amount of people that came along to celebrate with me. But I crashed badly on Monday, the thought of hitting a milestone birthday made me anxious. Have I done enough with my life, have I got time to do everything on my list? Am I on target with my life plan? I'm sure this happens to everyone at some point and I'm sure they, like me, will get past it in a week, there’s nothing you can do about getting older is there?
 
I’ve been looking at my Facebook page in a bit more detail this week and realised a few things. The first is that I obviously like to look popular. I pretty much accept everyone who friend requests me and have built up a list of hundreds of mates. Of course, out of all those people there are only a few that I see all the time, so I decided to have a cull. I’m a big fan of grabbing people I meet all over the place and connecting on the social media site, but when I come across someone who I met on a ski-ing trip over 5 years ago, she’s from Essex and is now 19 years old, she’s got to go.

Saturday 18th October 

My big birthday is fast approaching, don’t mention the number, and I knew I wouldn’t get away with letting it pass without marking it. So tonight I’m having a bit of a do. I’ve been stressing about it for weeks now. Initially I worried that no one would turn up because I’d left it too late to invite my mates, so I sent the date out  months ago at the start of the summer. My new worry is that there will be too many people turn up. Lots of friends have said yes they’ll be there, but they’re bringing one or two people with them. Heart Breakfast listener Joe said Peter Crouch was in the same bar as his thirtieth and took all the attention away from him and I hope I don’t end up in the same situation as Leeanne who’s best mate split up with her fella at Leeanne’s celebrations, so she had to console her all night rather than get on with having a great time.

I witnessed the cutest thing this week, after asking my twenty month old daughter what she would like for dinner, she replied with the same thing as she always does “Toast! Jam!” I suggested having beans on toast as something different. Lois smiled said yes and started to make a buzzing sound. She’d been doing it for while before I realised the reason behind it. My little un had thought that I was offering her bees on toast for her dinner. I’ve decided it will stick forever and this story will be rolled out every Christmas and birthday. 

Saturday 11th October 

For one day of the year it’s the only thing people talk about and everyone says that they are going to do it way more often. For that day they will be served in every house, there are even races in the streets in their honour. They pledge to buy their eggs, flour and milk and mix them into a batter, stick them in the frying pan and cook them up to cover them in lemon and sugar. But I did it this week. Yep, on a very autumnal morning I made pancakes. They were supposed to be for my little girl, but after a first bite she decided she didn’t like them, so I ate them, all of them.

Is it a bit of a cop out to get engaged when you’re expecting a baby? The fact is that you have a tie for life on the way and I wonder if a proposal is watered down when perhaps the guy thinks that he ‘should’ go down on one knee. Or maybe he has a much greater love for his girl now she’s carrying his son or daughter. A friend of mine arrived home with her new bundle of joy and managed to get engaged after her boyfriend announced “I suppose we’d better get hitched then?” Oh the romance.

Saturday 4th October

I have a big birthday coming up this month and have already had friends and family asking if there’s something I would like as a gift. I’m sure the response they are looking for is something like a lovely necklace or a nice new handbag, not what I’m actually asking for, a hoover. It’s ok to ask for mundane presents right? It’s something I want and need. This week we found out Heart listeners have done the same, Carey got a tax disc for the car, Zoe got an apple slicer, even though she doesn’t like apples and Annette got as toilet brush from her husband.

I feel awful, my little un hates me. In the news yesterday, they said that there were way too many kids with tooth decay at a very young age. Lois at 20 months old does really well, she doesn't drink anything other than water, no demanding squash yet and she rarely eats sweets (I won't share mine). She's always been really good at cleaning her teeth ever since that first peg arrived at just a few months old she saw it as a treat to give them a good brush. But right now we are teething with about 54 teeth coming through at the same time and so putting the brush in her mouth is a nightmare. I was only trying to help her brush, she started screaming and backing away. I don't want her to hate me for making her do something painful but I do want her to have lovely pearly whites. I guess it's just another power struggle, at not even 2, can I expect these regularly for the next couple of decades???

Saturday 13th September

Soon there will be an influx of new students in town. The fresher’s turn up looking both nervous and excited, unsure of what lies ahead for them. I remember how I felt when I left home for the first time. I didn’t appreciate my folks until I left home. There’s no more bank of mum and dad, no one to make sure you’re out of bed, I didn’t even know how to do my washing. It’s a time when you actually start to grow up, but I have to say I still ring my mum for advice, last week I rang her to find out how long to boil an egg for. If I was going to give students advice from my own experience of moving out, it would be, even though you miss your parents, they don’t appreciate a call from you to hear their voice at 2am!

My 19 month old daughter has hundreds if not thousands of toys. They adorn every part of the house, but does she want to play with any of them? No, my little Lois has decided the best and most interesting thing to play with is a plug socket. I could be upstairs and I will hear the switch being turned off, on, off, on. What can you do? I gave her quite a stern telling off, which she cried at. But that only seems to make it more attractive. I don’t want her to stick her finger in the socket and get an electric shock, she’s already got frizzy hair.

Saturday 6th September

It’s been that weird week of the year where we try to get back to a normal routine. The kids went back to school, everyone came back from their holidays and the traffic was back to its usual chaos in the mornings. It seems that most of us have been thrown by it in some way, getting to work late because we’ve forgotten the extra fifty thousand cars on the road. Or like Heart Breakfast listener, getting to the work fridge too late to get her lunch in. Even the most organised amongst us have been caught off guard, like Lianne who tried to be sorted at the beginning of the summer, buying her son's school uniform early. But he had a growth spurt and went to school this week in trousers that were way to short for him. And Ness who bought tights instead of socks for her boys, whilst in a last minute rush.

We’ve now seen the pictures of Brangelina getting married and I have to say I love her dress. Their children did lots of doodles and pictures, they were then embroidered on to the back of the gown. I really enjoy it when people do things a little differently, like my friend Veronica, who had glasses of beer not the usual champagne at her reception. I would have loved to be at the doo where the table cloths were pirate ones from poundland. And why not?

Saturday 30th August 

The summer holidays are nearly over and it’s time to get rid of all the sand that accumulated in the foot wells. It also means those games you’ve played, whilst stuck in a traffic jam for three hours, will also fall by the wayside. I didn’t realise how popular yellow car spotting had become. It’s the game my brother and his family play, five points if you spot a yellow mini, one point for anything else. Heart breakfast listener, Andy, has a different version where him and his girlfriend give each other a little slap on the thigh if they see the gold vehicle first. Apparently it doesn’t make for a very happy girlfriend.

I always thought that when you gave birth, all of a sudden you were given a super power, to be able to cook the most amazing, wholesome meals that your children will love. My 18month old daughter loves her grub, at a carvery the other day, she fired into a big bowl of Sunday roast and ate the lot. She will wolf down anything made by my mum and even chows down on a curry in our favourite restaurant. But, if I make dinner, even something as simple as potatoes and veg, she holds it in her mouth for a second then spits it out! A friend makes spaghetti bolognese, Lois can’t get enough of it! But my spag bol makes a sharp return, normally down her clean top.

Saturday 23rd August 

Houses and flats these days don’t have a great deal of storage and if you’re like me you’ll use your car as an extra cupboard. Too many times over the years I’ve opened the boot to put shopping in and found there’s no room amongst the rubbish I’ve put in there. For at least a couple of years I was driving round with a brass horn in the boot, as I had no where to put it in my place. On Heart breakfast this week we spoke to Natalie who has a hamster cage stored in her car, but hasn’t had the time to go and buy a hamster to go in it. Other useless items being driven around are a dancing Christmas tree, a toffee apple maker and a box for a floppy disc drive.

After buying a mop from Tesco for just three pounds, I have been asked to do a review of it. How am I supposed to do that? What would I write about? The absorbency of it? The length of the handle? The ease of swishing?

Saturday 16th August 

We are all guilty of hoarding aren’t we? My parents have been going on at me for over twenty years now to go through the boxes of stuff I’ve accumulated in their loft. There’s old toys from my childhood, birthday cards and old school books and they will probably stay there for another twenty years. People keep strange things though, like Heart breakfast listener, Amanda who has kept a Pepe key ring from when she was ten. And Sharon who still has all her children’s milk teeth, even though they are now all in their thirties. This one made me laugh, Lucy’s mum still has the actual stitches from when she cut her head open aged five.

I’ve joined a dating site, I’m looking for love and got very excited when a guy started messaging me. But the questions he asked were a bit weird, see what you think? First he asked how long I’d been on the site, That’s ok. Then he asked how it had gone, had I had any dates, slightly strange. Then he wanted to know how long I’d been single, is it just me or is that a little weird? I’ve always been told not to talk about ex’s and thought that men would want to know about my taste in music and hobbies, not my dating history.

Saturday 9th August 

The south coast is a great place for celebrity spotting. We’re all guilty of seeing that person off the tele and pointing them out to our mates. A-lister Tom Cruise was at Glorious Goodwood last Friday, but an even bigger star was seen in New Milton. The darts player ‘The Crafty Cockney’ Eric Bristow was spied in new Milton, outside a snooker club, of course. Heart listeners have been on the case too, Dave spotted Des Lynam picking up some steaks at the meat counter in Tesco. Liz saw Cilla Black in a burger bar, but Karen has the best one, she helped Patricia Routledge, Mrs Bucket from Keeping up Appearances, put her shopping into her car in Chichester.

They’re brave souls that work in shops aren’t they? I’m not talking about the courage they have to conjure up to talk to that awkward customer when they’re making a complaint, but shoes. I’m quite superstitious, I always salute a single magpie and say “Good morning Mr Magpie.” Just because someone told me years ago that I should or I’d have bad luck. The other old wives superstition I can’t get out of my head is that bad luck will also be invited into your life if you put new shoes down on a table. So, there I was at the till, new shoes in hand, waiting for the assistant to take them from me and put them on the counter. I can’t do it myself, but the man took them from me and placed them down with guts.

Saturday 1st August 

Panic set in this week when I lost my 18 month old daughter in a shop. We were in Kiddicare Hedge End browsing around the clothes, when she walked around the other side of the rail and picked up about 8 bras and bought them back to me. I put them back and continued shopping. She wandered off, I presumed, to go and get the bras again, so I went to find her. Lois wasn’t there this time. I checked all around the clothing section, not there. I went all around the car seats that she likes to climb into, she wasn’t there. I looked over in the buggy department, not there. My heart started to race, where had she gone? There would be no point in putting out a tannoy announcement, she wouldn’t understand it and take herself off to meet me at customer services would she? I started shouting her name, it felt like I was calling a dog back in the park. All of a sudden, I heard her little voice saying “Ni night”. She’d found a bed and decided that it would be great fun to get in it, lie down, pull the duvet over her and say “Ni night” to everyone that came anywhere near.

With the Commonwealth games on this week, my passion for gymnastics has been re-ignited. My co-host on Heart breakfast, Rich,  thought it would be a nice idea to take me to Southampton Gymnastics club to let me have a go. I haven’t really thrown myself around like that since I was a kid and what a shame that is. You hit the age of 18 and things like that don’t happen anymore. It’s frowned upon to do a cartwheel on the beach when you’re in your 30’s. But, I really miss doing headstands in my living room.

Saturday 26th July 

We, here in the United Kingdom, are becoming Americanised. The schools broke up this week for their annual 54 week summer holiday, there were lots of mums at the primary school gates crying at the thought of their children going off to big school in September. But the sight that perturbed me a little was all the photos on my facebook feed, of little uns ‘Graduating’ from nursery. The teeny tiny 4 year olds in proper caps and gowns at a ceremony with a scroll in their hand. We already have school prom and baby showers taking over, do we really need this too?

Apparently the biggest cause of distress on a dinner date for women is having their food ordered for them. Oh please, where has this ever happened in the last 20 years? It’s something that happened in years gone by and in films only. I can’t imagine the pressure both parties are under when a man try’s to be gallant and masculine and pick what the lady would like to eat. If it was a situation that I ever ended up in, there would be something wrong, the steak not cooked correctly, the sauce over the veg not on the side, wrong size chips, all deal breakers, end of date.

Saturday 19th July  

At this time of year, there are lots of students going off to do work experience. It’s your first foray in to the working world and I have very fond memories of it. Whilst at college studying performing arts I went to a radio station in my first year. I didn’t really get to experience the on air side of things, but I remember being chuffed to bits when they gave me a free CD that they’d been sent by a record company, even though I’d never heard of the artist. In my second year of studying drama and music I went in a different direction, choosing to do work experience on a farm. I had been a member of the young farmers group for a few years and had never done any farming, it was going to be my only chance so I took it. So it was a choice of getting up early to do the milking or getting up early, but with free Cd’s, I went for the free CD’s.

I could tell that my kid was mine this week after my seventeen month old daughter managed to shut her fingers in a door. Whilst at a toddler group in West End, she decided that it was time to leave and flung the doors open, they of course swung back, catching her digits. I ran over and scooped her up as she opened her mouth as wide as it goes and started what I call ‘silent screaming’. The poor thing was in so much pain that she held her breath for so long, she started to go blue. The other ladies started panicking but I knew that she would make a gasp and start crying any second. I know that she’s mine because that’s exactly what I used to do when I was little. In fact I used to hold my breath for so long I would pass out, my mum didn’t worry too much though, I’d always rally after a few seconds.

Saturday 11th July  

It’s been an awful summer of sport for the English hasn’t it? We were never really in the world cup, Andy Murray was knocked out of Wimbledon far earlier than we would’ve wanted and this week, heartbreak as Chris Froome, the favourite to win, pulled out of the Tour De France after crashing. But never fear, pride has been restored by Heart listeners. Emi-Lou beat her personal best at Race for Life last week on the common, Helen won ‘Splat the Rat’ with her first go at a fete and Aneka beat her three year old daughter at Hungry Hippos yesterday. Medals all round guys.

It feels like everyone is off on their holidays at the moment and there are certain rituals that you have to go through when you get back. Putting fifty four photos of the people you went with, the food you ate and a beach sunset up on facebook is the first. You must also wear a white top on your return to work. When you see your colleagues for the first time in a fortnight, you will obviously be asked how was your holiday? The answer is always the same, ‘good thanks.’ The following question is always asked too ‘What did you get up to?’  to which there’s normally a mundane reply. But not for my friend Lorelei who went for a lovely relaxing week in North Wales and just happened to have a baby while she was there!

Saturday 5th July 

Last weekend I babysat for my ten year old niece, Courtney and my eight year old nephew, Charlie. After an afternoon on the slip and slide, trying to wear them out ready for bed, we settled down in front of the tele to watch the DVD Charlie had bought with him. It was the newest version of Charlie and the Chocolate factory, starring Johnny Depp. Now, I don’t really know the story, so thank goodness Charlie was totally up to speed with every character’s back story. In fact the commentary was so good, there was no actual reason for me to watch it. When I asked him sarcastically if he’d seen the film before, his reply was “Yeah, I saw it last night!”

This week I went for my first run in two years and I was made to feel quite special, like I was in the club. I have never realised this, but all runners talk to each other as they go past. Just a simple hello, or a good morning, even if they’re really going for it, puffing and panting, there will always be at least a nod of the head. Other things are acknowledged in pretty much the same way, my co-host on Heart breakfast Rich drives a Fiat 500, they always give a little wave as they go past. Poor old moped riders though, motor bikers will give a nod to other bikers, but never the scooters, they’re apparently not cool enough.

Saturday 28th June

There’s a new craze that's sweeping the nation, every little girl I know has jumped on the bandwagon. Loombands. If you’ve never heard of them, they are tiny little coloured elastic bands that you weave together on a loom to make things like bracelets and hairbands. They’re very much like one of the big things from my childhood, friendship bracelets, where I spent hours plaiting coloured cotton together to make pressies for my mates. But, what was the big thing from when you were a kid? Was it my little pony, Pogs, trolls, or did you try and master the art of yoyo-ing?
 
Where do snails go when it’s warm and sunny? My house, thats where. A snail seems to have gone rogue in my house this week. Every morning I come down the stairs and my eye is caught my a trail of slime glistening in the sunlight. Each time I spot the marks I start to search the living room for the critter, but he must have made the most amazing hiding place for himself. I go under the table, behind the curtains inside little'uns push along car, but he’s obviously too fast for me. I just want to catch up with him, have a bit of a chat, tell him that he’d be happier outside where his mates are.

Saturday 21st June 

So, that's it, the world cup is over for England, unless all the other country's teams dropped out because they couldn’t be bothered. I have a found a new way of watching our national team and used it last weekend for the first match against Italy. As the game was on so late, I was in bed and asleep before it started, but I put it on my Sky+ to watch in the morning. The next day I asked on twitter whether it was worth watching, to which the replay was a big NO!!! Great that's that sorted then. I couldn’t help but watch the Thursday game though but as I have to get uo early, I decided to get into my pyjamas and watch it from my bed. It felt so weird not being in a pub with a drink in my hand and when Rooney scored I wanted to jump around hugging my mates, but with my baby girl asleep in the next room, all I could do was hold my arms aloft and whisper “Yessssss!”

Most people get the blues when they arrive home from a holiday. We all have different ways of getting over it. For my Heart Breakfast co-host Rich, it was booking to go away again, on a crazy weekend to Magaluf. I’m much more easily pleased, I’m as happy as with my tele being on and catching up with all the shows I’ve missed. It really does please me to sit and watch five hours of Coronation street.

Saturday 14th June

Last weekend, I, along with ten girlfriends went off on a trip to Albuferia, Portugal. Half of us were celebrating big birthdays this year and needed a holiday to ease the pain. It became a vacation full of tat. We arrived with suitcases full of things bought from cheap cards shops. Over sized badges, balloons and tiaras were donned one evening and as soon as we hit the bars, we accumulated more tacky pieces from the street traders. Covered in more flashing lights than the dance floor, we thought we looked quite good, but looking back at the photos, that wouldn’t seem to be the case.

I’m not really excited about the world cup, is it just me that seems to have missed out on football fever this time around? Two years ago it was the London Olympics and I went crazy for it. I watched the torch relay come through Southampton, went to the Olympic Park to watch Great Britain in the Hockey and couldn’t take my eyes off the television for a second, I was gripped. I loved the flags that were everywhere and the coming together of a nation. But, when I hear even Alan Shearer saying we’ll be doing well if we even reach the quarter finals, I find it hard to feel enthusiastic. I, of course, hope that England will do great, but maybe after years and years of media pressure, we’ve all become realists?

Saturday 7th June 

I need two things sorted out, both involving plane journeys. The first is arm rest wars. We need this put to bed, when you get to your seat on a flight and sit down, I'm always confused as to whether the arm rest to my left or right is my territory. There is normally a tussle over the seat divider that goes on for at least half the flight, it should be in the terms and conditions when you book with an airline. My second issue is with priority boarding. I understand that you don't want to queue, but why would you want to get on the plane first and then have to wait for the other hundred people to get on. Surely passengers with priority should be able to get on at the last minute?

Saturday 1st June 

Last weekend with an awful weather forecast my brother, his family, me and my daughter headed to Legoland Windsor. Because of the heavy rain that was supposed to be on the way, we took a change of clothes so we’d be dry for the journey home. The day was amazing and stayed dry all day long. The same could not be said for me and the rest of the gang after five minutes in the park. I made the school boy error of going on a water raft ride first. It seemed like a good choice, there was no queue and it was one of the bigger rides. We got totally soaked. After that epic fail I asked our lovely listeners for their rules of the theme park. Here’s what came in, do not eat a Big Breakfast before you go! (For obvious reasons!) When on the log flume, make sure the biggest person goes at the back of the ride so you glide across the water and don’t get wet. And don’t make the same mistake as Megan who went to Thorpe park, don’t wear flip flops on a rollercoaster that goes upside down, they’ll end up in some random bloke’s chips and you’ll end up barefoot for the rest of the day.

As per usual when it’s half term, the rubbish weather turns up. I do remember being a kid in the holidays when I go stuck indoors for the day because it was chucking down. I remember baking cakes with my mum, well, I say baking, they wouldn’t make it into the oven, I would just eat the cake mix. Other activities included making dens out of sofa cushions and tea towels and of course my mum’s favourite, timing us to see if we can beat last weeks time for the hoovering.

Saturday 24th May 

Last Saturday I was on a packed beach, everyone it seems had the same idea as me and went to the seaside for the day. Don’t get me wrong, I love the atmosphere that comes with a lot of people grouped together, but it can get very embarrassing. I had taken my little un down to the water and was running back up the beach chasing her as she giggled away. I hit uneven ground and before I knew it was face planting the sand. On it’s own, not too bad an event to get over, but when your mates start clapping and everyone around them joins in, I just wanted to run back into the sea.

Clapping is a weird thing, it can make you feel really great or really bad. For instance, Claire got a round of applause after chasing a dog all the way around a park trying to retrieve her daughter’s doll from it’s mouth. Good. Nick managed to throw his banana skin in the office bin without having to get up from his seat. Good. But an example of when you would rather not get a clap, Lisa took seven goes at getting into a parking space outside the Co-op and got applause from everyone at the till.

Saturday 17th May 

I remember a time in the distant past when I used to have two working arms. I remember a time when I could move my feet freely around the kitchen. But now one of my limbs is constantly out of use for anything other than carrying my 15 month old daughter. What's the equivalent of tennis elbow? Mothers shoulder? Baby holding bicep? Or bubba back? I'm sure I've got all three! 

Yep my little un wants to be carried all the time, apart from, and this is guaranteed, when I take her on her first flight this week. Oh yeah, she won't want to be anywhere near me then, not when she has to be strapped to me. I'm currently taking things out of my bag so I can fit all the distraction toys in that I want to take for her. Drinks, etch-a-sketch, colouring books, iPads, music, films, books, teddies, toy phones and food. Anything else you can suggest? I have a feeling that it's going to be a very long hour in the air!

Saturday 10th May 

Does anyone else find it a bit weird that an air freshener company has bought out a range that will bring the smells of the outside inside? They’ve apparently recreated the scent from our national parks like the Brecon Beacons and the Peak district and now your living room can have the same aroma. Isn’t it just fresh air? If that’s what you want, just open a window. I do however like the thought of ‘real’ smelling fresheners. I would definitely go for a plug in that would send a whaft of bacon around my bedroom. Or how about a spray of the smell of freshly baked bread in your loo, or everyone’s favourite, the scent of a baby’s head in the kitchen. I think I might ring the company with some suggestions.

In Bristol last weekend they gave one of their streets an amazing makeover, with cars banned, they set up a slip and slide for the length of the hill. The Park Street ‘Park and slide’ was so popular 96,000 people applied to go on it. Well, who wouldn’t want to go on a water slide in the middle of the city? I think we should take the idea on a little bit, instead of cycle lanes, cover them in tarpaulin, send water and fairy liquid down it and you’ve got the most fun journey to work.

Saturday 3rd May

I can’t decide if I feel good or bad about something I did this week, I’ll leave you to make up your own mind up. Driving along the road with my mum and my one year old daughter in the car, we went past a house with a car parked outside which had a trailer attached and it was full of brightly coloured plastic bits that looked like a dismantled kids play house. Then on the top was a toddlers toy car, you know one of the red and yellow ones that’s like a Fred Flintstone car. I totally looked to me like they were getting ready to take it to the tip. Now, I’ve always been told, if you don’t ask you don’t get, so I turned my car around and drove back to the house, knocked on the door and asked the very surprised resident if they were throwing the car out? Half an hour later I was getting the toddlers vehicle out of my car to give it a clean up. My daughter is over the moon with it and only wants to be in her car in the garden now. So, am I just a cheapskate? Or should I get bonus points for recycling?

Saturday 26th April 

Moving house is so so stressful. Last week, the day arrived to shift all my stuff from my flat into my new place. It had already taken me two weeks to pack everything into boxes and bags and there was so much stuff piled in my living room, the removals guys had very worried looks on their faces. Theres always something sent to try you on a testing day like this, the sofa wouldn’t fit in the lift to go down two floors, so they tried to take it down the stairwell and of course it got stuck. It then had to come back up to my flat and go down the back stairs. In total that took about an hour. The rest of my bits and bobs also took hours to load and even longer to unload at the other end. The rest of the day was busy with trying to find places for things to go and trying to keep my tool kit from getting lost. At the end of the day some friends came over to have a nose around my new pad, they brought with them the thing that I reckon christens every new home...Fish and chips. On your first night in a new place there is no other meal to have is there? So thats it I’m in, Sky tv is on and I’ve had a fish supper, I don’t think it could get more homely. Now, where’s the ketchup?

Saturday 19th April

I moved house this week and obviously have been living within a load of boxes for a couple of weeks. It’s always a great time to go through your stuff and chuck out anything that you no longer need or want. I’m amazed at how much I’ve accumulated over the six years and how much you can actually have in a two bed flat. Lets just take one cupboard for example, in there was two baby car seats, a baby walker, six sleeping bags, an iron, a mop, a trike, four bags of coats, a tent and a bin bag’s worth of scarves. Who needs that many scarves? I also found old video tapes, I haven’t had a video player for ten years!

What a wonderful sunny week we’ve had, it really feels like the summer is here. It totally felt like we turned a corner after that awful rain. I also had another sign that the good weather was here, I got bitten by gnat, all around my belly button and on my ankle. There were signals all around too, builder took their tops off, the shop had run out of calipo’s and people start to wear sunglasses that are too big for their face.

Saturday 12th April 

Who have you had to sit next to? A friend of mine, Naomi, took the ferry to the Isle of Wight this week, a very nice trip in the sunshine, but it was spoilt. When having to share a double seat on public transport you always hope for a fairly normal fellow passenger don’t you? The guy sitting next to her was scoffing a curry pot noodle, before 8 o’clock in the morning! Have a think about who you’ve had to sit next to? Was it as bad as Kim who went to sleep on a flight to New York and awoke to a stranger massaging her feet?

What a lovely sight, a donkey walking into the Tesco express in Brockenhurst last week. Was he there to do his weekly shop, or just get a few bits for tea? Those animals in the New Forest are pretty confident, they turn up in a lot of places. Listener Diana came across a couple of ponies sticking their head through a window at a cafe and got back to find one in their tent. But the best I heard about an animal being in a weird place was a ferret that made it’s way on to a dance floor at a house party.

Saturday 5th April

A very awkward situation arose at a party I was at  last Saturday. I was stood at a table with a friend of mine, Sharon, when a man she’d never met came over to us and moved in closer to Sharon. He moved closer and closer, before slipping his arm around her waist and leaning in to whisper in her ear “Is that my beer there?” Sharon was shocked and stepped back, it then became obvious this was a case of mistaken identity when he added, “Oops, sorry, I thought you were my wife!!!” Well, they both have dark, long hair and were both wearing a black dress, but I still reckon he was in for a telling off when he got home. 

We’ve all done the classic one where we wave at someone from a far then they don’t turn out to be the person you thought they were and you have to style it out but running your fingers through your hair, so embarrassing. How about this one though, I don’t think you could recover from this? Listener Crisha said that her husband once  pinched her mums bum. He thought it was his wife bending over to get something out of the freezer when actually it was his mother-in-law wearing his wife’s dressing gown.

Saturday 28th March

Please hear me when I say we are wasting our time girls. You, I’m sure, are the same as me, clothes shopping is an all day mission. I walk into a shop and immediately am drawn to something glittery or a bright colour will catch my eye. I walk over to the dress or whatever it is and there’s something that I’m compelled to do, I have to touch it to see just how soft it is. Then of course, I fight my way to the changing rooms, laden down by the twenty dresses that I want to try on. I have honestly spent an hour in one shop’s dressing room, seeing if I can find that perfect Saturday night outfit. It’s a bit of a reality check to find out that we will on average try on and reject  more than forty thousand items over our lifetime. You see, waste of time.

The no make up selfie has taken over social media this week. Thousands of girls have taken a photo of  themselves in the mirror without any slap on. That’s amazing work ladies and I know how much courage it takes for you to be seen without your lippy on. It literally came out of nowhere and has raised five million for cancer research UK in the last week.  The deal was to take a pic au naturel, then to text beat to a number to donate three pounds to the charity. Some did get it wrong though and mistakenly text bear and have managed to adopt  a polar bear.

Saturday 22nd March

George Osborne stood in the House of Commons on Wednesday and delivered this years budget. Bingo tax was cut, we are able to save more in an ISA and a penny off a pint of beer. I think something very important has fallen by the way side, it hasn’t ever been mentioned in a budget before, but its something that could affect us all. The ‘you’ve been framed’ money has never gone up from £250 for a clip of us falling over or our child eating a lemon. The programme has been on our screens for nearly 25 years, surely the treasury should have a look at this?

Last week the Sunday Times published their list of the best places to live in the United kingdom. I was very proud to see Eastleigh and Fareham made it on to the list and it got me thinking about what’s the best thing about where I live? I would definitely say its the shop next door to my block of flats, Sizzler's kebabs. My co-host on Heart breakfast, Rich Clarke, loves that his neighbour takes his cat for a walk on a lead! But I’m packing my bags and ready to move in with listener Gayle, who is with a minutes walk of a Tesco, an Indian, a Chinese, a fish and chip shop and a kebab house.

Saturday 15th March

A woman has married a dog! She has been quoted as saying that she “Couldn’t think of anything more I would need from a life partner.” Weird huh?  That’s what I thought, until I started to compare canines with ex’s of mine. How is a dog better than a partner? You can of course keep a pooch on a lead, they’re loyal and faithful. No matter how late you get home, a dog will always be over the moon to see you. If your spaniel gets dirty you just open the back door and put him out in the garden. And finally they will eat anything you put in front of them, with my cooking skills this is a major bonus. 

In more animal news, a hostile cat kept its owners and their baby barricaded in a room for hours, after they were to scared of the kitty to come out. The puss is now in therapy for anger management and is said to be doing well at it. We had a snake once, at my parents house, jake, he had to go to snake rehab. He was apparently going through an adolescent stage and was trying to buff up for the girl snake by not eating for a couple of months. I still find it strange to think of animals being on a psychologists couch being asked about their childhood.

Saturday 8th March

Last weekend saw the annual, “Aren’t we great!” Oscars ceremony. No other business gets the same attention. Whether it be awards for the biggest beetroot, the funniest comedian or the fastest runner, they will always say  it’s whichever industry’s equivalent to the Oscars. The highest accolade I’ve ever received was a certificate from my teacher when I left school for “Loudest contribution to discussion.” Others have received credit for their achievements too, Tess won an award for the shortest drive in a golf tournament. Trev said his Daughter got a gold medal in a beauty comp when she was 3 years old, but she was the only one who turned up. And Clare was top of the table on her school holiday and got the award for most gnat bites.

A survey has revealed an average British adult can’t throw things out. We are a nation of hoarders. Each of us on average is clinging on to over five hundred pounds worth of stuff we no longer use. I think these items will mostly be fads. And I’m ashamed to admit I’m included. I’m just about to move house and am appalled at the stuff I’ve kept over the years. So, come on, own up, how many times did you use that lava lamp before it was put in the loft? And even though you know you’ll never use them again you insist on keeping that CD walkman, you never know, you might like to listen to it when you go out on your roller blades.

Saturday 1st March  

Sat nav is notorious for taking people to place they didn’t want to go. For the most part I’m amazed at the piece of technology which means I don’t have to use my brain or my memory  to get to my destination, but it can go wrong. A dozy cyclist was caught on camera peddling along the hard shoulder of the M25 after his sat nav told him to take that route. You would realise that you were getting on a motorway though wouldn’t you? The big blue boards and the six lanes of fast moving traffic would be a bit of a give away wouldn’t it? It’s a problem lots of  people come across. Heart breakfast listener Julie went through the Blackwall tunnel seven times before she considered the navigation system might be wrong. And Rich’s Mum ended up at Westminster Abbey instead of his house when she punched in the destination of London. 

Since having a child my brain power has dwindled. I forgot that I’d put a bowl of curry on the sofa ready for me to eat and managed to sit in it after getting a drink from the kitchen. The chicken korma went all over the back of my dress and didn’t look or smell very pleasant. Most of us should look a little more closely before we take a seat after Lucy sat on a plug and says she never cried so much in her life. But taking the biscuit is Kerry who ended up on an old lady’s lap after she left the toilet door unlocked. She walked in backwards and didn’t realise there was anyone there. Oops!

Saturday 22nd February

Oh my goodness, who would have thought that a ‘puppet show could be so emotive. On Thursday night I went to the beautiful Mayflower theatre to see the West End smash, War Horse. I first heard about it a few years ago when my Dad mentioned that him and my Mum would like to go and see it in London. He started to explain that it’s the story of a horse that gets commandeered into the army to do his bit in the first World War, but rather than have live horses on stage that will obviously not do what you want them to, they have puppets. I’ve got to say, from two minutes into the show I completely forgot that they were puppets manipulated by the actors on stage. The horses twitch, shudder and rear up just like a real life one. The show is totally breath taking, intelligent and emotional, I had to wash my face after the performance ended, I was in a right state after sobbing through at least the last ten minutes.

An Italian cleaner has accidentally destroyed thousands of pounds worth of modern art, when she threw part of an exhibition in the bin. The art installation featured works made out of newspaper, cardboard and even biscuit crumbs, sprinkled across the floor. This poor woman obviously thought a school trip had been through the gallery and had left part of their lunch behind. I’ve thrown stuff away I shouldn’t have, I know that feeling when it feels like your heart has dropped to your boots. I always remember my housemate leaving a bag of washing by the front door to take to the launderette, I honestly thought I was doing her a favour by taking it with my wardrobe clear out stuff to the Charity shop. She didn’t see it that way.

Saturday 15th February

A Jumpsuit is apparently the least sexy thing that a woman can wear. I’ll have to throw mine out then? Why are us girls always told what not to wear? Don’t wear leggings, no spots with stripes, nothing with your bra strap showing. The guys seem to get away with wearing what they want and from looking around I think they could do with a little advice on their outfits. I’d like to start by saying no man looks good in a vest. No matter how good you think your biceps are, put them under a t-shirt sleeve at least. Three quarter length trousers do not, in anyway look good and if you insist on wearing jeans everyday, make sure they’re not of the skinny variety, you’re not a rock star.

It was my Little girl’s first birthday Last weekend. She had a lovely time at her Nanny and Pop’s house where we had forty friends and family round to celebrate. Can I recommend doing this for your child’s birthday party. Rather than having it at a venue, like a soft play centre, where it will cost you about a tenner a head, or at a community hall where you have to take all the toys, the cake and all the other catering along yourself, have it at the grand parents place. My mum and Dad decorated the house, cooked the food for adults and children and then played with the twenty kids that came too. Job done and all for free.

Saturday 8th February

Good news for lonely girls, a life size pillow of  heartthrob, Ryan Gosling. Yep, you can snuggle up to the movie star on those cold winter nights. I’ve never been one of those people that Cuddles into a cushion or a cuddly toy and was shocked to hear that my co-host on Heart breakfast, Rich, still has his teddy from when he was little. Bear, lives on his bed, but what do people think when they see this, he’s a grown man. But I couldn’t believe the response that came from listeners that also have their childhood toys. Some people have even handed their thread bare toys down to their own children. But, this is a little weird, listener Lesley still has a cardigan from when she was a baby, still snuggles up to it when she goes to bed.

The lovely, wish she was your gran, Mary Berry from the Great British Bake off, has this week been named Oldie of the year. Weird that you would get an award just for your age, but she is a lovely lady. I got thinking about what would qualify you for this accolade, what makes you an oldie? Is it going for a walk for no real reason, having a good sit down or sleeping on the sofa but swearing blind that you’re only ‘resting your eyes’. Or do you know you’re getting old by the fact that you take tea bags with you on holiday, or when you need glasses for the television remote but still look at it like an alien object.

Saturday 1st February

We had a lot of fun on Heart Breakfast with Rich and Zoe last week doing retro week. Looking back at all those wonderful things from when you were a kid. Like watching Roland Rat in the school holidays, the ‘Accrington Stanley’ milk advert and the fact that everyone wanted a Mr Frosty but no one got one. But I loved the topic of ‘What will kids today never know?’ things like ‘give me three ring when you get home?’ Mobile phones and texts have taken over from this. Copying from the over head projector,  no one under the age of 25 will understand that. Or chasing to the shops every week to buy a copy of smash hits for the lyrics to my favourite songs, there was no Google when I was a teenager! 

I feel really stressed out at the mo, I’m house hunting yet again. This week, has been jam packed with appointments to see houses. I’m literally giving myself ten minutes in each place before running to the next one. So, I was pleased to take one off my list before even making the appointment. It looked like a lovely place, but I was put off when I was given the address and the property was number thirteen. I am pretty superstitious and I know everyone says it’s just a number, but that’s what they said when I booked my wedding for Friday thirteenth. That wedding never happened, it was cancelled a couple of months before I was due to walk down the aisle. So, it’s not lucky for me and there’s no way I’m going to live in a house of that number.

Saturday 24th January 

King of the I’m a celerity jungle, Kian Egan is going to record and release a solo album. Of course, that’s what you do when you win a reality show, you use the publicity to ride the crest of a wave and make pots of money. But, I think there’s another way for Kian to make hay while the sun shines. Dougie from McFly also won I’m a celeb, but he didn’t try to build a pop career on his own, instead McFly and ‘What i go to school for’ band, Busted got together to create a super group. Great idea, proved by the tour they’ve sold out. How about putting Westlife and Boyzone together to create Boylife? Or Westzone? Genius!

Race for life is just amazing. It’s the most wonderful, inspirational, heart warming day. And once again this year Heart has joined forces with Cancer Research UK's Race for Life, and you can join me on Team Heart in Southampton on 6^th  July. Maybe your new year resolution to get fit has disappeared into thin air, well set yourself a goal to do the 5k course with me. You can hot foot it, walk it, last year some girls even hula hooped round it. I’ll be the first to admit I’m not in great shape and so will  be plodding round, just so I can have a chat, maybe even start a sing-along like last year! Get signed up at www.heart.co.uk

Saturday 18th January 

I was very tickled this week about a story where a west midlands couple had booked two return flights to the Caribbean, but were turned away from the airport when they realised that they had in fact booked to fly from Birmingham....Alabama. Mr Jones had no choice but to get his car out of the long stay and drive home. I nearly made a similar mistake after I spotted a cheap buggy online, but I stopped my purchase when I realised that it was for as dolly, not a baby. Tracey’s son was very excited to order his first pair of trainers for his eighteenth birthday, but when they arrived they were a child’s size 7 and not an adults. But, Aaron must have been most disappointed when he ordered a Tottenham shirt, but the sports store had run out and so sent him an arsenal shirt instead 

I am incensed by the car park at the Princess Anne hospital. It is a maternity hospital, so lots of pregnant ladies going in and lots of proud parents coming out with their bundle of joy in car seats. The thing that really gets my goat is that the spaces are so small. You can just about get your car in between the lines, but there is no chance of opening the door to get out. I reckon they want us to get out of the car then push it into a space? The anticipated problem happened this week while I was at an appointment there. It would seem that another car, red in colour, scraped down the side of mine. But I don’t blame the driver, it’s been an accident waiting to happen.

Saturday 11th January 

Like many people I’ve been struck down with a cold. Well, I say it’s a cold, I ache to my bones, and I can’t even pick up my hands at some points. I thought it would probably go after a few days when I started to feel rotten the week before Christmas. It’s still here. Give me sympathy; I think this may be man flu. Never have I had a bug for so long. My normal practice is to remedy a virus with a bag of oranges and a lot of sleep, but this hasn’t touched it. With everyone having their own cold remedies, I asked our Heart listeners for suggestions. A very weird list came in, ranging from putting Vicks vapour rub on my feet before going to sleep, to eating pickled onion monster munch. What would that achieve? I suppose you wouldn’t pass the germs on, no one wants to get too close to your breath.

In true Zoe style I’ve got very over excited and have left myself in schtuck. My daughter will be one year old in a few weeks. Naturally I want to celebrate. I decided to have a little get together at my place. I wrote out an invite on Facebook and started adding names for the message to go to. I was a bit distracted and managed to send it to about fifty people. That wouldn’t be too bad but I’ve asked those fifty if they would like to bring along partners and children too…. Agghhhh! We only live in a two bed flat, there’s not enough room for everyone, if I have ten people round that’s pushing it. I honestly don’t know what to do? Shall I change the venue to a pub? Shall I cancel it? Can I throw a sickie the day before?

Saturday 4th January

There is a new trend amongst couples to go Dutch on the engagement ring. Can I just say I’m a traditionalist when it comes to these things and will not be putting money into a pot for this. I always thought the rules were that the man was to spend the equivalent of a month’s wages on the diamond, but it seems feminism is not dead. There are blokes all over Southampton now kicking themselves that they didn’t wait for this news. It might not be a new idea though. Back in the day when my parents met, my Dad proposed without a ring, they went to the shop to pick one out and my mum paid for it herself.

This could be a revolution to your Saturday night out, imagine not having to queue at the bar for your drinks. Forget having to jostle to the front of a four deep bar to get to the front where the server can’t hear you ordering three vodka and coke’s and takes half an hour to make a two mojitos. You can now order a round from your mobile. What a great idea! You could be finishing your drinks in one place and already ordering the cocktails in the next. This should be used in other places too. I’d love to be able to ring the supermarket en route so they have my shopping ready when I reach the door.

Saturday 21st December

I have a feeling I might be on Santa’s naughty list this year. I had a trip out to B&Q last weekend, I take my ten month old daughter, Lois there to look at the Christmas lights, it’s way cheaper than a grotto and there’s no queuing involved. As well as bright red reindeer and inflatable Father Christmas’ they have a whole array of singing and dancing animals. There’s the monkey that sings ‘we wish you a merry Christmas’ and the meerkats that dance to ‘Jingle bells’. It took a great deal of time and effort to start all eighty toys so they’d be singing and dancing at the same time, but I managed it. I’m quite proud of myself actually.

My family have been accused of having weird family traditions. I don’ think it’s strange at all that the tele is banned on Christmas day, it means we play games and talk to each other. We’re not allowed to open presents until after dinner, some years it’s dark before we see what Father Christmas has bought us. My mum’s favourite though is to get the carol sheets out after dinner and to sit round the table singing Christmas songs. But if you think that’s weird, how about Nikki’s mum banning mobile phones, or Nettie’s family who auction off the skin from the custard every year. I’m presuming they only do it between themselves; they don’t take the custard skin into town for everyone to get involved.

Saturday 13th December 

I can’t wait until my daughter is old enough to join in with the school Christmas show. My Facebook page is full of proud parents posting pictures of their little darlings dressed as angels or sheep this week. A lot can go wrong though, when school kids take to the stage. Like listener Josie whose little girl Coco, took part in her first nativity this week. The storming performance went like this. One kid burped down the microphone by accident before he said his line, the Virgin Mary picked her nose and ate her bogies throughout. One of the sheep had a wedgie and couldn't leave his bum alone. The goat kept lifting her dress up and pulling the skin on her belly button. Mary couldn't remember Joseph's name so just called him Maurice. Two of the kings dropped their gifts for the baby Jesus and stood on them so they could see their mums and then the Third King mouthed 'mummy watch this' and licked his robe. The head of year teacher was looking very stressed the whole time.
 
I was over the moon this week to see a familiar face on the Royal Variety Performance. I’ve had a Chinese meal in Spain with one of the singers from Monday night’s show. But who I hear you ask? Robbie Williams? No. Olly Murs? Nope. Gary Barlow? No. I actually went for noodles with the opera singer Bryn Terfel. Yep, I’ve met the man who sang with Dame Edna Everage. Everyone’s got a random name drop haven’t they, like Laura who was waved at by the Vengaboys. Kim congratulated Keith Chegwin on the birth of his baby years ago. Amy has regretted for years that she turned down a kiss from Robbie Williams, when Take That were starting out, because he was wearing awful denim dungarees.

Saturday 7th December

We’re all under pressure at this time of the year to be ready for Christmas. That one day a year causes so much hassle. Putting the tree up, fighting through the crowds in the shops and having to spend a whole day wrapping presents. All laborious things that have to be done, none as monotonous as writing your Christmas cards though. Every year I try and get the list down to under one hundred, but I buckle under the pressure and send them to everyone I’ve ever met. Another hurdle for me is trying to remember names to put in the cards. New babies have been born, I can never remember their names, people have got married, I can never remember their new married surname and new boyfriends, and I’ve no chance of remembering those. So, for an hour this week, I had to trawl facebook doing my research.
 
Apparently people who sing are happier with their lives than those who sing alone. I love a good sing song and am often caught out when the microphones go on in the Heart radio studio at the end of a song, but that’s as far as it goes. I have seen the most amazing singers though; the Rock Choir have performed at a few events that I’ve hosted. They are wonderful singers and so happy with it. They must practise so much to get so good, I’d love to have a go, but I wouldn’t want to bring them down my tone deafness.

We’re all under pressure at this time of the year to be ready for Christmas. That one day a year causes so much hassle. Putting the tree up, fighting through the crowds in the shops and having to spend a whole day wrapping presents. All laborious things that have to be done, none as monotonous as writing your Christmas cards though. Every year I try and get the list down to under one hundred, but I buckle under the pressure and send them to everyone I’ve ever met. Another hurdle for me is trying to remember names to put in the cards. New babies have been born, I can never remember their names, people have got married, I can never remember their new married surname and new boyfriends, and I’ve no chance of remembering those. So, for an hour this week, I had to trawl facebook doing my research.
 
Apparently people who sing are happier with their lives than those who sing alone. I love a good sing song and am often caught out when the microphones go on in the Heart radio studio at the end of a song, but that’s as far as it goes. I have seen the most amazing singers though; the Rock Choir have performed at a few events that I’ve hosted. They are wonderful singers and so happy with it. They must practise so much to get so good, I’d love to have a go, but I wouldn’t want to bring them down my tone deafness.

Saturday 30th November 

I am absolutely guilty of re-gifting. I’m sure that everybody receives presents for a birthday or Christmas that they don’t really want or is not to taste. But rather than leaving that nice bottle of bubble bath to go out of date, I wrap it up nicely and give it to someone else for a special occasion. Everyone’s happy. However, it can fall down if you don’t remember who gave you the gift in the first place. Like when Michael received a lovely office golf putting set from his parents, completely forgot about it for a year then wrapped it up and put it under the tree for his dad. His face was apparently not a picture of happiness when he opened it.  
 
I was very surprised this week to hear that my Heart Breakfast counterpart, Michael Underwood had never heard of a ten bird roast. If you’ve never seen one of these I have an explanation. It’s basically like the Russian dolls, where you find a smaller one inside of each one. You start with something tiny like a pigeon and put that inside a duck, then that goes inside a Pheasant and continues on until you get to a goose or a turkey. It comes from medieval times when they would encase all the birds in a swan. Swans are obviously not used nowadays, I’ve found one online that ends in a goose, but I shan’t be having it for Christmas dinner this year at six hundred and seventy pounds! I’ll stick with a turkey drumstick.

Saturday 23rd November 

What a nice surprise to log on to Facebook and find Lusho Chris staring back at me. I don’t expect you to know who Lusho Chris is, he was my first love. In the year above me at school, I used to follow him around like a puppy from the age of thirteen and wrote his name on my all my books. Seeing as he’d come up as a friend on the social network I got to thinking about whether it’s ever worked out when you’ve got back in touch with your first love? It obviously did when Natalie got back in touch with hers, after seventeen years apart, they’re getting married. Not such good news for Lucy who said her first true love broke her heart …twice! Her advice was to visit the past with extreme caution.

Nothing makes me want to touch something more than a sign saying ‘Do not touch!’ My mate Jolene is exactly the same, while on a tour of Graceland in America, she was stood in Elvis’ living room, where the king’s sofa was roped off. The temptation was too much and she leaned over the barrier to feel the seat where he sat. “Ma’am, please don’t touch the seats!” the tour guide boomed. Told off, good and proper. Listener Lorraine’s husband managed to touch a piece of the Titanic when it was on show in a museum, while she and the kids hid. And I think Kristy might be in trouble when her boyfriend realises she’s touched his box of chocolates in a big way.

Saturday 16th November

I’m trying to sell my flat at the moment and have had a couple of viewing this week. I was interested in what would sell a place and any tips anyone could give me. Like the one that’s been floating around for years, that you should bake bread or have a coffee peculator on as the smell makes it feel like home. I don’t like the smell of coffee or yeast so it wouldn’t sell anything for me. Tips though included putting out fresh flowers and spraying polish on radiators. But I loved Michelle who got in touch with us on Heart Breakfast to tell us not to have a party the night before and forget that people are coming to view your house the next morning, it doesn’t bode well.
 
I spent way too much money this week and I really didn’t mean to. I popped out for some wet wipes, they cost about a pound, but in the half an hour that I was out I managed to spend one hundred and twenty quid on a high chair and a baby walker! I’m not the only one though, Heart listener Karen went out for a Kagool and came back with a boat! Jennie went out to buy a light bulb and came back with a shed…..and a light bulb. And Terri went out for a chicken one Sunday for lunch; everyone was very surprised when she arrived home with a brand new car.

Saturday 8th November 

I had a lovely ego boost, whilst sat waiting for a flight in the departure lounge eating a grab bag of salt and vinegar discos, I got chatted up. The guy had obviously been at the bar for too long, but I’ll take that. It got me thinking if there are any places or situations that are out of bounds? It would seem not, after asking Heart listeners. Sara went to a supermarket to get one of their freshly made pizzas and found the guy’s number on the polystyrene plate with the line ‘Is this too cheesy?’ Sophie was at the household recycling centre when she was approached by a man who wanted to take her out. Weird, but they’ve now got married.

I'm sorry to say, but I find it incredibly funny when my eight month old daughter gets upset. It's not that she's crying that sets me off, it's why the tears have arrived. Strangers give me awful looks, as if to say "don't you love your little girl?" The most recent incident was in the car wash. The jet spray was going around the car and Lois let out an almighty scream and was in floods of tears. I should have gone to console her, but instead I reached for my phone to video the occasion. Only thing is you can't hear her cries over the top of my cackling.

Now you have to understand that Lois is the happiest little un ever, she has a beaming smile for everyone. But she lets you know without a doubt if she doesn't like something. Like getting dressed or having her face wiped. Contrary to the noise that comes out of my daughter, there are no razor blades in her sleeves and no acid on the baby wipe. The other thing that really gets her going is the hand drier. I don't know what it is when I go into a public toilet and I turn it on after getting my paws wet, she hates it. In my mind, it's some sort of alien figure coming to take over the world and her mummy's first.

Saturday 2nd November 

When you look back at your childhood are there some things in the memory bank that make you cringe? For me it has to be the way I thought I was cool at the roller disco when I was eight years old. My mate Debbie and I would get dressed up after school every Friday and head to the sports centre with our roller boots. We would always go armed with a box of tic tacs. On arrival, we would eat the sweets, then head to the toilets to fill the box with water. We thought we were sooo cool after skating a couple of circuits, we would stop and flip the lid of our tic tacs box to take a sip of water. I don’t know why it’s never taken off at running clubs?

This week I became more responsible. I took a red cross course in first aid and got so much out of it. It was primarily about treating babies and children, with the aim of giving me more confidence and less panic if something were to happen to my little one. But actually it does mean that I can use these skills wherever I am and on who ever would need it. It would be a great idea to teach this in schools surely? I’m in my thirties and always thought that you pumped the heart when doing CPR, when in fact its in the middle of the chest. It wouldn’t harm anything to teach this to everyone and would come in very handy.

Saturday 19th October 

Putting an Iphone on a 60 degree wash and then tumble drying it doesn’t do it a lot of good apparently. I can say this from experience. Even though I took advice and put it in a bag of rice for a few days after, it was as dead as a dodo. But it seems it’s not the only thing that’s been washed accidently. Like Alice’s partner’s passport on the morning he was supposed to fly. Or Carol who should have checked her son’s trouser pockets and accidentally wash £20, but dried it and ironed it and it was fine. But taking the biscuit is Kerri who started the wash cycle, then realised her cat had climbed in to the machine. She quickly pressed stop, waited for the water to drain and got her out, she was fine by the way. Let’s be more careful people.

By far the biggest expense in my life is my house. I’m on the hunt at the moment for a bigger place, now I’ve got a little un. But I find it so weird that we would spend so much money on a decision made in minutes. I know that I spend at least an hour looking round a car and kicking the tyres before deciding on a vehicle. Even searching for an outfit for a wedding takes more effort and energy. I reckon it would be a good idea, to try the house out for size for at least a weekend, like a test drive. After all you might not like where the previous owners put the tele and you need to sort things like that out.

Saturday 12th October 

Turns out the royals are just the same as any other family. There may be some noses put out of joint at the end of this month with some of the royal family not invited to Prince George’s christening. Princess Anne, Prince Andrew and Prince Edward won’t be attending the baby boy’s baptism. I had my little girl christened last month and really battled with my conscience over whom to put on the guest list. I started with just immediate family and best friends, but before I knew it I was inviting people so that they wouldn’t get upset when they saw pictures on facebook. The congregation had doubled just because I didn’t want to offend anyone.

Do you remember being totally over excited as a kid and wanting to put your new shoes on straight away, before leaving the shop? I reckon that’s what a guy was recalling in the Levi’s shop last week. He came out of the changing rooms, checked himself in the mirror in his new jeans, deciding that they were the trousers for him. I was hanging around the area waiting to see my mate try some on and was very surprised when this bloke asked the attendant if he could wear them straight away. He was 36, not 6!

Saturday 5th October 

What a revelation on Heart Breakfast, from Michael Underwood, Cornflakes are made from sweet corn. Who knew? It doesn’t mention that fact in the title does it? He had the light bulb moment and was over the moon with the news. In other ‘What have you only just discovered that you should have already know’ news, Jo didn’t realise until she was 15 that dinosaurs actually existed, until then she thought they were just fiction. And Alison didn’t realise until she saw his name written down on the Voice that Will.I.Am spelled William.

Ok, yes I am a grown adult, but I’ve never been much of a cook. I normally know when my dinner is ready by the ting that goes off in the kitchen. However, with a 7 month old baby, I’ve made a conscious effort to make some good wholesome food for my daughter. So I bought a casserole dish, a big deal, some chicken and some veg. I’m not one for following instructions, so I didn’t have a recipe in front of me. As far as I can see, my mum chucks all the ingredients in a pan, cooks it and it goes down a treat. Only when I tried to make the dish did I realise that it’s a bit more involved. I forgot to put onion in, but I did put veg in that I like, peppers, broccoli, sweet corn, apparently these are not the best for casseroling. And I knew that flour and water figured somewhere in there, but how much? It’s hard work being a mum, I don’t know how they do it.

Saturday 21st September 

Most interesting thing I’ve found out this week, the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, hadn’t originally intended to go to St Andrew’s university, but had a change of heart when it was announced that Prince William would go there to study. It’s all come out of a biography Kate: The Future Queen. This means she’s just like us, contriving a situation with the hope of meeting someone. I’ve done it many times. Going to buy sandwiches in a shop where I fancied the bloke making them, taking up golf lessons and ‘just happening’ to be in the same bar as the guy I was chasing.

So winter feels like it’s well and truly here. I took the big step that makes my heart drop every year, of putting the heating on this week. The knee high boots came out too on Thursday. I’ve only got coats to wear and we’re away. I find it does make for hard work though when I’m packing for a bit of winter sun. I can never imagine any weather other than what surrounds me. When I leave for work at silly o’clock in the morning we’re now in single figures here, but next week I’ll be in Portugal sunning myself in 26 degrees. I find it impossible to work out what to take. And I’ve got to get it all into hand luggage, this is a nightmare. First world problems huh?

Saturday 14th September 

It’s my little un’s christening tomorrow and I’m very nervous. Lois will be seven months old when she goes to the font; she’s bound to start squawking as soon as she’s in the vicar’s arms. Or Lois will wriggle out of his hands and start swimming and splashing in the holy water. My beautiful girl hasn’t yet had the pleasure of going to one of my family’s party’s yet, so she hasn’t experienced something going wrong. Something is bound to scupper the service and the party afterwards. What if it rains and my hair goes bad? What if a guest turns up in the same outfit as me….and looks better? What if Best Fry don’t make enough sausage and chips?

I hate waste but sometimes my eyes are bigger than my belly. I was out at the harvester for my cousin’s 18^th birthday family meal. There’s too much choice, I love the steak, but then I love the ribs and if Mum orders the chicken and prawns I’m going to want what’s on her plate. So I went for the meat feast of steak and ribs, problem was I couldn’t finish it. I am right to ask for a doggie bag aren’t I, even though it’s slightly embarrassing to take your leftovers home? But, I was very surprised to find that my co-host on Heart Breakfast, Michael Underwood takes it even further, by asking to take the half empty bottle of wine home.

Saturday 7th September

Some people take it too far with their pets. In a census someone even listed a dog that had a profession - looking after the house. It's just ridiculous, or is it? If you actually think about it pets do have very specific roles, even if its just to cheer you up after a hard day at work. If you had to give your animals a job title, what would you go for? Would you name your tabby cat your therapist? Is your golden retriever the head doorman of the house? Or is your shitzu actually your personal trainer as you have to take him out for a walk twice a day?

I had another attack of the 'Bad mum' last weekend. Me and my six month old  daughter headed to Bournemouth beach for the air festival. Obviously I have to be organised, sun hat, check, factor fifty sun cream, check, change of clothes, check, formula milk.....no check. Oops. In the middle of a very long, hot day, I was scrambling around the changing bag trying to find an emergency carton that I was sure I'd put in the week before, but no sign. So I had to improvise, at dinner time, my little Lois had to get by on half a tin of egg custard and a bottle of water. Guilt ridden doesn't even describe it.

Saturday 31st August 

If you ask the question “What would you like for your birthday?” nine times out of ten the answer is “Dunno?” It’s always best to get someone what they need than get a load of tat. Pop star Demi Lavato got a weird gift for hers, a goat. Must have been a nightmare trying to wrap it. It’s not the weirdest though; Jane bought her dad a tub of rat poison for Christmas once as that was what he wanted. And Sharon received an exhaust pipe for her motorbike one Christmas. I bet she couldn’t guess what that was when it was under the tree.

Peter Jackson is hailed as an amazing film director after he made the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, so its great that he’s going to direct an episode of Dr Who. You’d think they’d have to pay a lot of money to get him to do it, but no, you’d be wrong. All he wants for making the show is a dalek. It’s not uncommon to be paid in something other than cash. Dan was paid in milk for helping a farmer to change a tractor tyre, Sam gets paid in sky sports channels for cleaning and Rachael gets free riding lessons for cutting the hair of a show jumper (she cuts the hair of the woman, not the horse)!

Saturday 24th August 

I love my mates, but I love their naivety even more. This week my friend Jenny announced that the gossip going around had really “Opened a can of fish!” She wouldn’t have it that the saying actually goes “Opened a can of worms!” After asking for others that had been said wrong on Heart Breakfast, I was rolling around on the floor in fits of giggles, with classics like “I went as white as a sheep!” and “If the cat fits!” I had to stitch my sides up though when I heard about charlotte who after an important meeting was asked how it went, to which her reply was “Not very well, he kept going off on a tandem!”

At 6 months old my little darling should have some sort of routine. My life has very little routine, so what do you do? The other mums I know religiously bathe their kids give them a bottle and settle them into bed by 7pm. I've realised tonight that the reason my little girl stays up until 10pm is because I'd be bored without her as a single mother, it’s just us in the flat. There's nothing I want to watch on the tele and I can't be bothered with the washing up, so we play and chat and sing. Or we'll be out at a friend’s place, where I'm trying to kid myself into thinking that I still have a life.

Saturday 17th August 

There’s a video doing the rounds at the moment, of a Nan that got it very wrong. She was in the welcoming line of people as a bride and groom left the church after getting married. The older lady had a handful of confetti and a glass of Pimms in the other. As the happy couple approached, the pensioner got a bit confused and threw the drink rather than the confetti over the bride’s gown. You can just feel the sharp in take of breath from the other guests. But we wouldn’t have nanas any different would we? Like my own grandmother who was convinced her brother had sold his house through Going Places, the travel agent. I’d love to meet Annette’s Nan who asked for cutlery in McDonalds. But Kirsty’s Nan takes the biscuit; she went down the M27 on her mobility scooter.

Which code should a developer use to turn a web page red? If you can answer this question you are a geek. Michael was posing some of the geek test questions to me on the show this week. I could barely understand the questions, let alone answer them. I can barely turn my computer on and send an email, I’m a complete technophobe. So I came up with my own geek test of 3 questions. 1. Do you wear a tank top? 2. Can you name the last 5 Dr Who’s? 3. Do you have more virtual friends than mates in real life? Nerds in a nutshell.

Saturday 10th August 

James Blunt has Accidently leaked his new song to thousands of people, by pressing send before checking who would receive the message that was only meant for his publicist. We’ve all done it, pressed the key then desperately scrambled around trying to get the message back as your heart sinks. I’ve certainly done it, about a year ago; I was 12 weeks pregnant and had just been for my first scan. Somehow I managed to email Erika in the office the picture of my growing baby, who shot me a very shocked look as no one at work knew. Dan sent a text to his new boss and accidently put three kisses on it before sending. Bet that wasn’t awkward on Monday morning?

If you have a pet you must spend a massive chunk of your time apologising for them. Case in point this week. I popped to the park with a mate of mine and my baby in her buggy as it was a sunny day. On the way we bought some nibbles for a half hearted picnic. Sat with a big bag of crisps open between us, we were pretty startled as a big dog came bounding towards us. I presumed he’d just veer off around us, but no, he wanted those bacon frazzles and hovered them up in just over a second, then ran off. He was quickly followed by his owner, who couldn’t be more apologetic, offering to buy us another bag. Could have been worse though, listener Dawn had to say sorry many times after taking her boxer dog, Norman, to West Wittering beach where he peed on a mans posh wicker picnic basket. The man called the police!

Saturday 3rd August 

It’s funny when you see someone else do it, but when you fall over it’s the most embarrassing thing ever isn’t it? Wearing flip flops in the rain the other day was not only a weather faux pas, but it meant the supermarket floor became even more slippery and resulted in me letting out a scream as my face headed towards the door, when my feet went from beneath me. As I tried to recover myself and style it out I realised that everyone with in spitting distance was staring and laughing at me. I would have laughed my head off though if I’d seen listener Lisa take this fall though. Her heel got caught at the top of flight of stairs, the shoe stayed, she didn’t. As she tumbled down the steps her skirt went above her head. She tried to steady herself by grabbing a man as she went and managed to take the sixty year old’s elasticated trousers to the floor!

Its holiday season and I know how stressful it can be to pack for your time away. Trying to remember everything to take and then desperately attempting to shut the suitcase with fifty four pairs of shoes in there for a long weekend away. But apparently one in four of us forget to take our toothbrush. No great shakes, you can pick one up at the airport or in a shop when you arrive in the result. I’ve forgotten something quite crucial before, while away with my parents, I wondered what I was going to do with no undies. Luckily, it was my mum’s birthday and she got some lovely underwear sets, so I stole them before she got to wear them.

Saturday 27th July

My co-host on Heart Breakfast, Michael Underwood has been getting his knickers in a twist about being called a nice guy. Even when he broke his leg on Dancing on Ice, he apologised to the ice. I’ve seen him stood holding the door to a shop open for about an hour because he’s too nice to walk away and get on with what he has to do. But he thinks that being described as nice is a bit vanilla. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being nice. I’ve been out with a few bad boys and yes, it is exciting for a little while, but eventually I want someone who is kind and respects me. The wrong guys are for the time while you’re growing up; the nice ones are for settling down with.
 
So, he’s finally arrived, Prince George of Cambridge. I was really hoping for Wills and Kate to add a nod to her father in the name so he’d be Prince George Michael, but alas no. Ever helpful on Heart Breakfast we came up with some top tips for bringing up boys for the proud parents. 1. Always make sure their winkle is pointing downwards when changing their nappy. 2. For when he’s a little older, place a ping pong ball in the toilet so he can aim at it. 3. Don’t give them scissors; they might cut off a girl’s ponytail. 4. Be ready for visits to A & E and 5. Keep footballs away from windows, with 760 windows in Buckingham Palace, it could cost the Queen a small fortune.

Saturday 6th July

Like most people, I watched the Glastonbury coverage on the television, I've been lots of times but this year looked like one of the best. The bands were astounding, but I was embarrassed. No, I wasn't hiding my face when I saw the Rolling Stones (I'm off to see them in Hyde Park tonight) perform, because they looked like wax works that had started to melt. Incidentally, my mate commented that they looked really old, "That's because they are really old!" was my reply. No, I felt embarrassed watching the other artists, at home, with my Mum and Dad, because of all the swearing. I don't want to sound like I'm old before my time, but it was every other word. I never noticed all the effing and jeffing until I was with my folks. I was just waiting for the comment to come from them about how it's not needed. And I have to say I agree with them.
 
With a four month old daughter, Lois, and a grey few days in Newquay this week, I've decided that our next holiday will be abroad. But that throws up so many headaches for me. It's not as simple as packing the car up with four tonnes of her toys, clothes and food, oh no, am I really supposed to get it all in one suitcase? The other bother I have is having her photos done for her passport. At four months she cant sit up by herself, let alone pose in the booth. I always remember my Mum sending me at eight years old and my six year old brother to the photo booth. We didn't realise that the seat adjusted up and down and had photos taken of just our foreheads.

Saturday 29th June

I had a ‘moment’ with a guy in Tesco this week; it sounds like a bad romcom. We were both stood looking at sandwiches in the fridge and reached for the same one; it was chicken and sweet corn if you were wondering. As we did this we both apologised and said that the other could have it. Our eyes locked and there was that moment of electricity. But, I’m afraid I let him walk out of the shop and will probably never see him again. My mind did start to dream about him though, about how our wedding would be, what our children would look like etc. But no one has ever got together from such a situation apart from listener Gaz who met his girlfriend in a garage when he offered her some liquorice. Oh and Tracey who was asked out by the security guard while she was in Asda. Oh and Tyronne who met a girlfriend at traffic lights, well he was at them, she was in a restaurant next to them. They caught each others eyes, he drove off, but phoned restaurant, asked to speak to the pretty girl at the window, still together now.  
 
I have purchased the funniest piece of kit, a baby bouncer for my four month old daughter. It hadn’t even crossed my mind until I spotted them in Kiddiecare. My little Lois is into everything and loves to be involved in what’s going on, if someone has popped in for a cuppa, she wants to be where she can have a nose. I got the door bouncer so that she could see from where she was, but totally laughed my head off when I put Lois in it for the first time. The confusion of being stood up with out me holding her and it turning her to face in the other direction was too much, I had tears of laughter rolling down my face.

Saturday 22nd June

It’s a huge responsibility naming your child. For nine months you’ve um-ed and arr-ed between five different names for your bundle of joy. You have to test the name against rude rhyming words so they don’t get teased and check that their initials don’t spell out something strange. I’d been through all this when I chose a name for my daughter in February and went for Lois. What I didn’t plan for though was the new Superman film being out four months after she was born. I now have visions of Lois joining school along with lots of other little girls called Lois after Superman’s girlfriend, ahhh ruined. Possibly not as bad as Listener Lisa who called her daughter Keira just before the Pirates of the Caribbean film came out, starring Keira Knightly, and to make matters worse, their surname is Knight!

Coronation Street is my favourite soap on tele, but I think they’ve missed a trick. The cobbled streets of Corrie are supposed to be a traditional northern road, I get that, but why when the Rovers burnt down, did they rebuild it in exactly the same way? If you had a pub that had dated décor would you not see it as a lovely blank canvas to paint a different picture on? Rather than an old style pub with little snug benches and the dart board in exactly the same place? And while I’m at it, why have they rebuilt the bar with three times as much space behind it as in front of it, surely they need the punters in buying drinks to pay for all the work they’ve had done?

Saturday 14th June

I was so excited this week to be at the launch of the Royal Princess Cruise ship. It was an honour to be there with so many celebrities, Christopher Biggins, Des O’Connor and Sir Bruce Forsyth to see the Duchess of Cambridge, smash the bottle of bubbly on the side of the ship. Kate looked stunning at eight months pregnant, in a Hobbs Dalmatian print coat. Just one hour after the Duchess was seen in the jacket at Southampton’s Ocean terminal, the £169 coat had sold out on the Hobbs website. You’ve got to be savvy to buy them up and then put them on eBay for almost double the price right? But they are selling. Who’s buying them? I, for one know that I could never pull it off as well as our future queen.
 
Last week we had some lovely weather, this week not so good. But I am quite pleased that we are back to grey skies for two reasons. The first is to do with my neighbour, when it’s sunny he likes to sit out on his balcony, nothing wrong with catching a few rays in the afternoon. But to accompany him outside he likes to turn up his music really loud so he can hear it above the noise of the traffic that passes our flats. However, if I’m indoors I can feel the bass through the floorboards! And it’s always the same song, Hotel California; it’s that loud I bet they can hear it in California! The other is not so nice and it’s a problem I’ve had for my entire life, the heat makes my feet sweat and they stink. They smell so bad that my mum makes me put them in a bowl of water whenever I take my footwear off.

Saturday 7th June

I’m incredibly proud of my parents and I was so excited to see them on the television this week. They both celebrated their sixtieth birthdays in the last year and so were invited to the Queen’s sixtieth Coronation Celebration at Westminster Abbey. They dressed up in their finery and looked amazing with their pink accessories, Mum with a cerise fascinator and Dad with a matching tie. I found it really weird that I was at home watching out for them on the TV, when I’d seen them in person the day before. Then I felt really anxious as the thought crossed my mind that they might do something to stand out from the crowd, start waving at the camera, like they were at a rugby match. Thankfully they didn’t, they were caught on camera singing their little hearts out and had a wonderful time.
 
My mum has always embarrassed me; I remember being about fifteen when she actually came into a youth club disco and asked the DJ to say could I meet her at the door. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. My daughter, Lois, may only be three months old, but I think I have managed to embarrass her already? I took her for only her second swimming trip to David Lloyd, and dressed her in her new swimming costume. It just didn’t look right, it was down by her waist, so I did what I could, tying up the straps to hold it up a bit more, but her chest was still exposed. It was only after we’d played in the pool for half an hour and had got back to the changing rooms that I realised her costume was on back to front, doubt if she’ll forgive me for that one.

Saturday 1st June

Are there rules about how old or young you have to be to wear a leotard? Lots of people going on about Jenifer Lopez’ outfit, worn for her appearance on Britain’s Got Talent. The same thing happened to Madonna when she wore the pink number in her Hung up video. But what’s the problem? They maybe in their forties and fifties but they look amazing and obviously spend hours every day in the gym toning their bodies. If I looked like they do I’d go to Tesco to do my weekly shop wearing the same. I just hope the weather is good enough for Miss J-Lo to wear the same get up at our gig Heart in the Park on July 14th.
 
The new museum for the Mary Rose opened this week in Portsmouth Historic Dockyard. Much the same as any other child from the South Coast, I remember going to see it as a kid on a school trip. And I would class it as one of my more favoured school trips. I do however remember what I thought was a bad school trip to Stonehenge. At twelve years old you can’t really appreciate it; to me it was a rainy day in a field looking at a few rocks. I think schools must have to put you through this sort of thing when I hear that listeners Michelle went to a grave yard, Saviene went to a beetroot factory but Nick takes the biscuit with his story of a coach trip to a post-box!

Saturday 25th May

Looks like the weather is getting better, but learn a lesson from my Mum. While she was a hairdresser, she pulled a sickie on what she knew would be a particularly sunny day. Unfortunately she got caught out by getting burnt in the sun and going back to the salon the next day with an incredibly red face. There’s so much chance of getting found out and getting into an awkward position like Kelly who pulled a sickie then went shopping, but bumped into her manager. And there was no getting away from what Paul from Totton did, after he went jet ski-ing on his ‘sick’ day and ended up in a photo on the front of a newspaper!
 
Imagine waking up in the baking Spanish sun everyday, that’s what I did when I lived over there for a summer, because for a couple of months I lived on a mate’s balcony. Doesn’t sound so lovely now does it? But yes, my boyfriend at the time and I had a mattress, a sheet and a pillow on the balcony, but still managed to sleep in the scorching heat. Some people can just sleep anywhere, like Michelle who fell asleep in a nightclub and was woken up by the bouncer. But Dan takes the trophy for weirdest place to fall asleep, while he was in the Navy, after a particularly heavy night he managed to catch a few zeds on top of a missile launcher in the middle of the South China Sea.

Saturday 18th May

The Great Gatsby Premiered at the Cannes film festival this week and got me thinking about rules for the cinema, like a six foot man is not allowed to sit in front of someone who’s only five foot four (That’s me by the way). Popcorn should only be eaten during noisy bits of the film and no slurpy kissing, it turns the rest of us off.
 
We all have our habits, I even go through food phases where I eat the same thing for a while, the latest being chicken stir fry for lunch everyday for a fortnight. But that’s nothing after we heard from Claire who has eaten the same lunch, Ryvita, cream cheese and a Twix for ten years! OMG must be so boring! Graham though takes it to a whole new level, he has ordered the same curry from the same curry house every Friday for so long that he doesn’t even have to ring up and order it. He only gets in touch with the Indian restaurant twice a year to say that he won’t need the Friday night dinner because he’ll be away on holiday! Genius!
 
Just put your hand in your pocket and see what you find. Chances are there’s some cash, some keys and maybe an old ticket stub? Certainly nothing like Heart listener Tyler carries, he has a little pouch with paracetamol, cotton buds and a mini toothbrush! He’s come fully prepared. That’s more than I carry in my massive hippo bag, but not quite as strange as our producer James who carries nail clippers and will use them at any stage of the day.

Saturday 11th May

To become a doctor or an accountant, you need to go through lots of training and years of exams and study time. So why there are not any lessons in being a parent, there’s not even a manual and yet it’s the most complex challenge I’ve ever taken on. There should be a school that you can go to at least for a couple of days before your little bundle of joy arrives. Lessons would include PE, lifting moving weights to build up your arm muscles, metalwork, how to build or put anything  together that’s put in front of you, like the pram parasol I struggled with this week that didn’t keep my 3 month old daughter in the shade for more than 20 seconds. And finally I could really do with an emotional lesson in spotting the different cries; does Lois want a bottle, a nappy change or just a cuddle?

I found out on the show this week that Michael's mum used to make him and his sisters be quiet as kids otherwise "they'd wake the baby next door". There was no baby. What lies did your parents tell you? Amy's mum told her the ice cream van playing the music meant it had run out of ice cream… Lou's mum told her Penguin bars were made of real penguins, just so she could eat them all for herself. Nothing wrong with that at all! And with your help we compiled Heart Breakfast's Official Rules of Food this week… the big ones to remember are; vinegar goes on chips before the salt, never bite a Pringle in half, eat around the edges of a Jaffa Cake first and at number one… ALWAYS eat a Kit Kat finger-by-finger, never bite across all four.

Saturday 4th May

I always knew that having a baby would be hard work, but I didn’t realise how much time it would take up. It used to take me half an hour to get ready and get out the door. I now have to allow around two hours for this seemingly easy task. It has made me leave things like the cleaning and the washing up to build up. It has also made me incredibly lazy, proved by the fact that last week I bought a new kettle rather than de-scale the old one. But Heart listeners have made me feel better by being lazy too. Like Ally who threw out her plates after Christmas dinner because she couldn’t be bothered to wash them and Simon who rang the pub he was in to order a round of drinks because he couldn’t be bothered to go to the bar. And Jolene who makes her friend drive close to the bin after food to put her rubbish in, just so she doesn’t have to move.
 
I don’t know how postcodes get dished out, I also don’t know how Sat Nav’s work, but what I can tell you is that my postcode and sat nav don’t work together. I live in West End but after giving the details to my mate Julie, her Sat Nav took her to Totton, nothing wrong with Totton, it’s just not where I live! There are always stories of sat nav taking you in the wrong direction, Heart listener Tammy’s took her to the cemetery instead of her Dad’s house and John’s wanted him to go through or over a river. Sat Nav, don’t trust it, it’s out to get us all.

Saturday 27th April

Have you ever passed something off as your own? Everybody’s done it right? Whether it be a little bit of homework, house decorating or doing your make-up really well. Hands up I’ve done it. This week in fact. I still meet up with my antenatal class girls, who’ve taken to meeting at each others houses for lunch each week. Being the domestic goddesses they are, most arrive with some sort of baked goods. I’ve got to say, I do love Heidi’s chocolate brownies and Ali’s lemon drizzle cake, but I can’t compete. Not wanting to arrive empty handed I took along a bag of cookies that my cousin had made and totally passed them off as my own. I think I got away with it until someone asked for the recipe.
 
I’ve learnt lots about my new co-host, Michael Underwood, on Heart Breakfast this week. I learned that he proposed to his now wife Angellica in New York, in a church at Christmas Midnight mass, after trying to find the ‘right’ time for twenty four hours. I also learned that he has managed to set fire to heatproof oven gloves, and will get up in the middle of the night to run around and panic about a power cut that he wouldn’t have known about if he’d stayed asleep. Apparently he wanted to test the new torch he’d bought. I’m worried.

Saturday 20th April

I’m so excited to be starting the new Heart breakfast show with my new mate, Michael Underwood. No he’s not a rugby player or a cricketer and yes he is the guy that broke his leg on Dancing on Ice. He’s such a lovely guy, very funny. Can’t wait to hear all about his wife Angellica Bell and their surprise wedding in New York. Turns out Michael reckons he knows lots of amazing facts, we’ll see? We also share a birthday, does that mean we are effectively going to be the same person, or will we differ, will anyone care? It’s gonna be one hell of a party, I know that much.
 
Life has changed beyond all recognition since I last posted a column in here. Ten weeks ago I was trying to write my column in between contractions at the Princess Anne hospital, whilst giving birth to my daughter, Lois. I failed as everything went too quickly, sorry about that, I really did try. It all happened rather suddenly on a Thursday night. I’d been to a gig in Bournemouth to see my favourite, Plan B and had only been at home for an hour, when my waters broke and I had to make my way to the hospital, I’ve got to say the staff there were brilliant. Turns out that I was watching Ben Drew, Plan B, on the day that I found out that I was pregnant too.

Saturday 2nd February

I was devastated this week. Whilst watching Tuesday's episode of Eastenders, I spotted a garment from my wardrobe. I would love to say that the snakeskin skirt was being worn by one of the Albert Square teens, like Lucy Beale and it made me feel like a bit of a trend setter. But it wasn’t, instead the offending item will now be burnt after being sported by Cora, Tanya’s Mum, a grandma. Seems as I’m not the only one who’s been wronged by the soap either. Heart listener, Abbie was mortified to see Kat Slater walking down the aisle in the same dress as she was to be married in, in a month’s time. And Emma who text us to say “I was wearing the same top as Heather Trott from Enders once! It came off and went straight in the bin!”

I really thought that we had some romantic guys on the south coast. I very often see blokes walking along the road with flowers in their arms, hopefully for their girlfriends or wives. I have been on a date with a man who wouldn't let me walk in the road side of the pavement; I thought it was very sweet. But it seems that all that lovely-dovey stuff disappears when it comes to marriage proposals. Well it did for Heart listener Rosie, whose husband to be proposed in the doorway of Millets. And for Dan's mate Mark who just handed a ring in a box to his girlfriend and simply said "You win!"

Saturday 26th January

We’ve all been caught short somewhere, not many quite so public as Jason Puncheon this week though. He left the pitch during the Southampton v Everton game at St Mary’s on Monday night. Most of us can sneak off and sneak back after a trip to the toilet, but he had thousands singing about what he had been up to when he returned to the pitch. I’ve regularly popped into a pub to use the facilities, but the worst was when I was so busting to go, I had to get off a train and shoot out of the station, meaning that my friends were still on the train searching for me, while I was miles behind. When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go, eh Jason?
 
Adele may have let slip the name of her baby boy. After keeping the secret since he was born in October, she revealed after her performance at the Golden Globes, that she refers to him as ‘Little peanut’ However, later the ‘Someone like you’ singer was spotted out shopping in Los Angeles for little'un’s clothes, wearing a necklace that said Angelo. Could this be the name her and her fiancé chose for their son or are they throwing us off the scent? And what is the reason for keeping it a secret? Is she, like me, worried that if she tells anyone then there will be fourteen boys in the school class because the parents have copied the name?

Saturday 19th January

Last week on Sunday Brunch on the band Lawson were told that they didn’t have enough time to let them cook anything. So, we thought we’d give them the chance this week when they came to our studios. We asked them to have a competition between themselves to see who could decorate the cake the best. I thought they were actually really artistic, you can see for yourself on the breakfast pages. We also learnt that their new song ‘Learn to Love Again’ is about getting back with an ex and putting all the effort required in. And the gorgeous Adam from the band will be my son/daughter’s Godfather, don’t think he knows how heavily I’m going to lean on him nor that he will have to take care of my child for 12 weekends a year, it’s his duty isn’t it?
 
More than 600,000 people left Facebook last month alone. Has it lost its grip on social networking? Have we moved on to twitter? Or the next big thing? I don’t think it’s for any of these reasons; it’s surely more to do with the rubbish from people’s lives that they post, with the thought that if it’s interesting to them then it must be interesting to you. But I reckon we’re way past that, I’m likely to de-friend someone who puts up too many photos of the dinners they are just about to eat,  status updates on how much they love their boyfriend, or pics of kids doing anything. A school friend of mine, last week posted a photo of her 7 year old son in the dentists chair, having a filling, she’s now gone from my friends list.

Saturday 12th January

So the big celebrity romance is apparently over, Haylor are no more. Taylor Swift and One Direction's Harry Styles have called time on their two month relationship. They have visited the lakes, turned up at each others gigs and even holidayed together over the New year. This is apparently where the cracks started to show, spending so much time together, harry found his girlfriend demanding and said she was naggy. I wonder if she's just like us and got straight on to the phone to her mates for them to tell her "He wasn't good enough for you!" as Miss Swift sobs on the line? Did she post a cryptic tweet that had her followers confused about what was going on? Or if Harry's mates took him down the pub and just plied him with beer and shots to get by? Did he get straight on Facebook to change his relationship status to single?
 
Every parent has had to pay their child to do something at some point, right? But I think my mate Julie has taken it to a whole new level. When round at hers for a cuppa, her eight year old son was bored and looking for something to do. He started negotiating money to do chores, but I don't think he will be the new Alan Sugar, after he was paid just one pound to hoover the carpets, upstairs and down, in the three bedroomed house and the inside of the car! He's still doing better though than the Heart listeners like Gary, who was paid 50p to go and pick fresh mushrooms for his dads fry up each morning. Or Charlotte who got just 10p to tickle her dads back for half an hour. Even though my baby hasn't been born yet, I'm already planning what I will have my little'un do for me.

Saturday 5th January

I realised this week that I really am my mothers daughter. While i was staying with my parents, my mum had lost her voice, dad thought next Christmas had come early. But mum struggled through sounding like a teenage boy going through puberty. On answering the phone, everyone on the other end thought it was my dad, which I found hilarious! Now the reason I say I'm like her is because I used to lose my voice once a week, the reason behind it being the same for both of us, over use!

There's one thing on the world that I hate more than anything else and that's cheese. I know that horrible yellow stuff has some real staunch fans, but I just don't like it. Why would anybody eat it? It's gone off that's the point of it, but u wouldn't eat anything else that was gone off would you? Milk, no, bread, no, meat, no, so why cheese? And why do people have such an obsession with getting me to try it? I've managed quite well my whole life without the smelly food, I don't want to try it now.

The last time I had such a 'life has changed' Christmas was when I was fourteen years old. I opened my presents on Christmas Day, it was all clothes and smellies. Don't get me wrong I loved it all, even my nan had picked me something fashionable from Miss Selfridge. But it was a change year because it was the first year that I didn't receive toys, games or dollies. This year was very similar in that I got loads of stuff for my baby that's due at the end of February. A baby sling, a rocker and many blankets, all felt a bit weird but all needed and it saves me buying it.

1st August

Have you ever gone on holiday, unpacked your suitcase when you arrive and thought, “Why on earth have I brought that with me?” I once took a jumper on a holiday to Egypt. It was forty degrees! I made the mistake of leaving it in my suitcase because that’s where I store my winter clothes in the summer. Heart Breakfast listener Emma managed to take the TV remote control with her on a break to Spain. Carol, another listener, said, “When we went camping in Shoreham, my daughter took a map of Paris, a sellotape dispenser with no sellotape in it and a bicycle pump but no bike! My co-presenter Rich had the best story. He accidentally took an off-cut of carpet from their trailer on a camping trip. It turned out to be the poshest tent on the site, with a lovely warm rug on the floor.

Is this the weirdest week of weather? The sunshine really needs to pull its socks up. It can be lovely, sunny and warm, then suddenly torrential rain, wind and freezing cold, all within an hour. The heating has been on in my house for the last week, even though I feel bad about putting it on in July. Who has any idea what to wear every day? The weather was very strange on Wednesday. I heard the rain coming down on the conservatory in the back garden, but looking out into the front garden, there was nothing. Come on sunshine, we miss you. We need you back.

25th July

This week, schools broke up for the summer holidays and just before they finished their terms, kids arrived home clutching their school reports. I remember dreading taking the folder, filled with my teachers’ thoughts, to my parents. I don’t know why though because the reports were always the same. They used to say, “Zoe would be good at (subject) if she applied herself and stopped talking!” I even got an award from my Head of Year for the ‘Loudest Contribution to Discussion.’ We asked our Heart Breakfast listeners to tell us their school report stories. Emma said that one teacher wrote that she had done well throughout the year, but was really shy and quiet. The only issue was that Emma wasn’t actually in that teacher’s class. I loved reading thetext from Mandy about her son, whose science report stated, “He needs to remember that he is in class to learn, rather than increase his chances of romantic success!” 

Last night, a marker pen ruined my evening. The pen resulted in a trip to the hospital after my two year old managed to suck theink out of it. I try very hard to be vigilant about locking away cleaning products from my girl, so I panicked when, after just a couple of minutes in the kitchen, she came back into the living room with scribbles on her face and black ink in her mouth. I washed out as much ink as I could out, whipped her into the bathand made her clean her teeth. I thought that we had washed mostof it out, but after just half an hour in bed, she woke up complaining of a tummy ache. Of course, I frightened myself when I read online about what happens when little ones ingest permanent marker, so I rang the NHS for help. They instructed me to go to A&E and we raced there in no time. Lois was nearlyasleep when we arrived and I was getting worried. Typically though, during the three-hour wait, she did perk up. Well, I say perk up because it quickly turned into her best night out ever. She watched ‘Finding Nemo’, which was playing on a screen in the waiting room, played with all sorts of toys and books, plus she went up and down the slide in A&E about a hundred times. It soon became apparent that she there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.

18th July

I have so much respect for young entrepreneurs like my little mate Olivia who, at just ten years old, has set up a business. She makes up 50p ‘mix up’ bags of sweets and sells them to her mates. At that age, it wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to do something like that. I’m the opposite of my Heart Breakfast co-presenter Rich who earned himself some pennies as a kid by re-setting the skittles for his mum’s bowling team. Our Heart listeners also have a bit of business acumen, such as Kim. She used to rent out milk crates to the squaddies who got back to their base after the curfew. They’d pile them up, so they could jump over the fence and Kim would charge them 5p a time. Lisa used to charge her mum a pound for a foot massage, while Hollie used to sell tickets to her neighbours to watch their band ‘Ginger’ perform in the local park. I wouldn’t be surprised if these people appeared on Dragons’ Den!

I reckon that the Tour de France riders are the coolest men on earth. They cover about 200km per day and cycle up mountains that people normally ski down. Not only that, they are double hard. After a nasty crash with the group last week, most of the guys that fell still lined up for the following stage, some with gaffer tape holding their broken collarbones in place.

11th July 

With everyone having access to the internet these days, there’s one thing that I reckon today’s generation are missing out on and that’s fan clubs. The excitement of a receiving a newsletter every six months about my favourite star would make me burst. I only ever joined one club and that was the Roland Rat Fan Club. I thought he was hilarious with his sidekick Kevin the gerbil. It felt like the greatest day of my life when I received a Rat Fan ruler and pencil from him. Everybody joined fan clubs, didn’t they? Rich, my co-presenter on Heart Breakfast, was in the Dennis the Menace Fan Club and has kept his plastic card holder all these years. On our show during the week, we loved hearing about the clubs that our listeners joined too. Claire told us that she was chuffed when she got a signed photo from the Lee Sharpe Fan Club and we also heard from David who was sent sew-on patches by the Bucks Fizz Fan Club.

In the news this week, we heard about how we’ll soon be able to do a pregnancy test on our phones. Thinking about how we do a pregnancy test at the moment, how will that work? I don’t want to do that. It’ll ruin my phone.

4th July

I’m so lucky with my job at Heart, as I can wear pretty much what I like to work in the radio studio. As much as I would like to wear my pyjamas after rolling out of bed, I resist the temptation. With this week being so hot, the strapless dresses and flip-flops have come out of the wardrobe. On Heart Breakfast, we were interested to hear from people who still have to wear lots of clothes, mostly for their jobs. Jake works for a phone shop and still has to wear a three-piece suit, while another of our listeners, Grace, works in a bakery and has to be completely covered up, even a hairnet and hat. The best story we heard was about three-year-old Ruby who decided that she would wear shorts and a vest, as well as a woolly hat, scarf and gloves to go to nursery.

There is an unmistakable sound that you will hear at this time of the year. It’s the sound of sports day. It’s totally unique and transports me straight back to doing the bean bag race at St Mary’s primary school. This week, Rich and I from Heart Breakfast visited Fairisle Junior school for their sports day. What an amazing time we had! There were teams of kids representing their houses and doing a circuit of all the events. It’s changed a little since my day though, as there was go-karting and cricket, rather than the sack race and the dressing-up race we used to do. Rich and I decided to bring back the egg and spoon and I was confident that I would beat all six foot of him. On the start line, things didn’t go well for me when Rich grabbed my egg off the spoon and cracked it straight over my head. I didn’t stand a chance.

24th June

Disaster struck the Hanson household this week. After a lovely day at West End Carnival, where we enjoyed the procession, grabbed a hotdog and went on the rides, I pushed my two year-old daughter home in her buggy. She was fast asleep and so she didn’t notice that she was missing her adored teddy. He goes everywhere with her. He is her comfort, her pillow and her dress-up dolly and he was nowhere to be seen. In a blind panic, I ran down the road to see if her little mate in a red jumper could be found. I even asked a neighbour to have a look, but I heard nothing. My little one still hadn’t woken up and I wondered how I would resolve the situation. I found a couple of substitutes that would hopefully save me from a night from hell, knowing that the bear wearing the yellow jumper instead probably wouldn’t cut it.

I emailed everyone that I could, including the parish council, the pub and the carnival committee and I put a post on Facebook pleading for the safe return of my daughter’s best mate. I was overwhelmed by the concern and response with lots of friends sharing the picture of the missing bear. I was nervous on Sunday morning, but my little one woke up and presumed that he was in the wash so carried on playing with her other toys. Then the message came. He’d been found. Through the power of social media, a lovely girl had found him whilst on a dog walk and remembered seeing my Facebook post the night before. I was ecstatic, but not outwardly, so Lois didn’t know there was an issue. Not only had the kind girl found beloved teddy, she’d taken lots of pictures of him on his little holiday, while he was reading a book, having breakfast and snuggling up to their dog. My faith in humanity has been restored.

20th June

For a few months now, I’ve been struggling with a lack of sleep because my little one is up at least four times in the night. I just can’t get a full night’s rest. My two year old wakes up every couple of hours and wants milk, as well as to get into ‘mummy’s bed’. I have to admit that I give in most times and I end up running downstairs to get a bottle and letting her get under my duvet. I have to stop, but it’s so hard. I have to be up before 5am and will do whatever is easiest to get through the night with the most amount of sleep. I tried my hardest to stop it this week, so I could have a good night with Lois in her own bed and no demands for milk. Oh my goodness, it was tough. She came into my room at 2am and tapped my face asking for a bottle until I woke up. I had to tell her that there was no milk, that it had run out and that the milk had gone to bed as it was night-time. This was met with a meltdown of massive proportions and continued for more than an hour. I tried to cuddle her and let her into my bed to see if that would calm her down, but nothing worked. She kept crying and then wanted me to take her pyjamas off, which I did to appease her. As soon as I had taken them off, she wanted them back on. Through her sobs and screams, I could hear a faint request to take them back off again. I did all this in the dark and had managed to put both her legs in one pyjama leg. The poor little thing was flailing around like a mermaid!

6th June 

In the news this week, Cheddar has been voted the nation’s favourite cheese. Is that really news? It’s not for me, as I hate cheese! I’m regularly seen as a bit of a weirdo because I turn my nose up at the stuff. I pick it off pizzas and I can’t bear to touch or smell it. It makes my heart sink when someone orders a cheese board after a meal and I usually just eat a biscuit and a grape from the plate and have to pay a fiver for the privilege. Why would anyone eat anything that has purposely gone off?

There has been a lot of talk about dogs on Heart Breakfast this week. There was of course Matisse, the winner of Britain’s Got Talent and his stunt double. Rich, my fellow presenter on Heart, is very ‘dog broody’ and he’s desperate to get a four-legged friend. He’s already looked around for the perfect pooch and wants to get a Fox Terrier that he plans to call Parker. It’s all very well wanting a dog, but I decided to see if he’s ‘dog ready’ so I sent him out in the middle of a storm at the beginning of the week with one of those imaginary dogs on a lead. He pretty much passed that test, but he was only out for about five minutes. Will he be ready to turn down a showbiz party to take Parker out for walkies instead? No, he told me that he’d take the dog along to the party with him! He even admitted that he would stand on the edge of the pavement to shield the dog from being splashed by cars driving through puddles.

29th May 

Being a single mum, I've been searching for some sort of exercise that I can do with my little one in tow. I don't like the gym as she'd have to go in a crèche and it would be boring for her. I used to play hockey, but that would be a little difficult with a two year old screaming for teddy from the sidelines. So I bought a bike, a lovely shiny red bike with a child seat on the back. We put on our coats and shoes, ready for its inaugural ride. We took the cycle helmets out of their boxes and put them on our heads. Mine stayed on, but Lois' didn't. It fell down off her face straight away. My daughter is a little dot. Even though she is two-and-a-half, she still wears clothes for a one year old, so the toddler bike helmet was way too big for her. Never mind, with a bit of determination to get on the bike, I found a solution with the bike helmet. I just had to fill it out a little more. So when you see a girl wearing a woolly bobble hat under her cycle helmet, you'll know it's us

I was that person last week. The one who comes back to work after the bank holiday weekend looking like a lobster - but not all of me. After a day out at the country park last Saturday, I was compared to a red version of Mr. Bump. The weather forecast leading up to the weekend had been atrocious and do you know why? It’s because I was staying in a caravan in Somerset, that’s why. I ventured out with the rest of the family to see the animals, ride on the train and go down the slides in a dress, leggings, socks and trainers. It was so hot that I popped into the toilet and whipped my leggings off to get my bare, pale legs out. I was too busy covering my daughter in sun cream that I didn’t do mine properly. I ended up with red arms, white shoulders and a white sock mark that makes my ankles look like they’re on fire.

23rd May 

Somehow, I can manage to look like the worst mum in the world in the most innocent of situations. Take last weekend for instance, when I took my two-year old daughter to the park. It should have been a lovely, uneventful trip to go on the swings and the slides, but it took a turn for the worse when I announced that it was time to leave and go home. She made it very clear that she didn’t want to go, by stamping her feet and grizzling, before running off to go on the assault course once more. To coax her away from the playground and back to the car, I told her that I had spotted some puddles for her to jump in. Wearing her wellies, I thought this would be a nice treat, as all kids enjoy jumping in muddy puddles, just like Peppa Pig. Looking at the puddles, I thought that the water wouldn’t even go over the toes of her wellies, but as she ran into the water, it was like the scene from The Vicar of Dibley. Deceptively deep and near her waist, Lois was soaked and I was laughing my head off rather than rushing to pick her up. Anyone watching would’ve thought, “Look at that mum, telling her little one to go through the water, just to watch her get wet through.” Lois, of course, loved it!

16th May

It’s been a massive week on Heart, where we gave away £100,000 with Heart’s 100 Happy Days, so we asked our listeners how they’ve celebrated something in their lives. Hanna lost 8lbs and celebrated with a giant bag of chocolate buttons; Lee went and got a bargain bucket from the KFC drive-through when he passed his driving test, while Nikki had a party to celebrate her divorce.

The exam season is well and truly underway, with GCSEs and SATs happening this week. With that in mind, on Heart Breakfast we thought about the things that we should have been taught at school. Nothing to do with history, geography or science, it’s things like being able to open the bonnet of your car to fill up the screen wash container. At the moment, I have to take my car to the garage to do it. Wouldn’t it be good if they taught you valuable life lessons, like how to use a washing machine, how pensions and tax work or what to put on your profile on a dating website?

David Cameron has had a busy week finalising his cabinet. Is anyone as childish as me, with a vision of him sat on the floor trying to put together a bit of flat-packed furniture, scrabbling around on the carpet searching for that missing screw?

9th May 

I used to really enjoy jumping in the car and heading off to a mate’s place for the weekend. Oh how things have changed! Last Friday, I arrived at my friend’s house for an overnight stay after a very stressful ninety-minute journey that should have taken forty minutes. The preparations started on Wednesday, when I packed the bags with clothes and shoes for whatever the weather might be, plus extra dresses for any accidents that may occur and what seemed like five thousand toys. On Friday afternoon, we set off fairly hastily, as I was trying to beat the weekend rush hour London traffic.

10 minutes behind schedule - After ten minutes on the road, I realized that I’d left my phone at home, so I turned the car around and went back to get it. It meant that I was running twenty minutes behind schedule, which was no bother. However, we had to return to the house yet again when my very tired two-year old started crying and whinging and then screaming for milk, teddy and her blanket. I need a bed and a duvet to go to sleep, but these are the things that my little one needs. Rather than have my ears bleed, I went back to collect the bear and the drink for her.

40 minutes behind schedule - We were making good time but then we hit some traffic. Normally that would be fine, but then I started to feel like I needed the toilet. Once the thought was in my mind, I couldn’t shift it, but my girl was now asleep. I didn’t want to stop and wake her up so I just kept on driving.

50 minutes behind schedule - Lois had woken up and I was pacifying her by passing her little bits of rice crispy squares to eat. She does a weird thing with her food. She takes a mouthful, chews it, but keeps the food in her mouth. She then puts more in her mouth until she can’t fit anymore in, then she tries to swallow the lot, at which point she spits it out. Most of the time it’s all fine and good, but on this occasion, her spitting became a full-blown puke. I could hear waves of it coming out of her mouth and going everywhere. I slowed the car down and stopped by the side of the road, making other drivers wonder what was going on as I ran around to get her out. I was greeted with a scene of carnage. Old milk, bread, carrots, ham and rice crispy squares were everywhere and it was stinking. I took my little girl out of the car, put her down barefoot on the pavement and got her out of her lovely pretty dress. Now standing on the path in just a nappy she couldn’t resist the opportunity to chase after a dog and pick daisies, while I used up all the wipes that I had left to try and clean up. With no more wipes left in the packet, I had no other choice than to continue the journey with all the windows down to try and get rid of the smell. I can bear witness to the fact that a hot sunny day does not help with a car stinking of regurgitated milk!

90 minutes behind schedule, I finally pulled up at my mate’s house and couldn’t get out of the smelly vehicle quick enough.

2nd May 

I know it was last week, but the London marathon is at the front of my mind. A friend of mine is now busy collecting in all the sponsorship money she was pledged. She is doing it now that she can walk again and has the mental capacity to remember who wrote on her form. You see it's not just physical fatigue that sets in, but also mental. I did it ten years ago and what I didn't know was that for a whole week after you lose brain power. I found that I had no short term memory and had to write absolutely everything down. You know when you walk into a room and can't remember why you are there or what you went there for, that happens all the time. Constantly walking into shops and forgetting what I had gone to buy. But the atmosphere of the race is fantastic and is a feeling that I will never ever forget. The tough part is not the day, the thousands of supporters will get you round and are always ready with encouragement, but it's the six months of training in the wind, the cold and the rain. You see even the people that are not dressed in some silly costume are still having their own struggle. We are not made to run twenty six miles easily, even though Paula Radcliffe can do it quickly, you always see the elite runners being sick at the end. It's a very emotional day too, you hear so many stories of people who have overcome so much to take part, or are running for some amazing cause. I first started crying at the start line, when I heard the London marathon theme and I'm afraid that it carried on round most of the course. You become part of the running community, if someone starts walking, another runner is soon tapping them on the back saying, "C'mon we'll do this bit together."If you are thinking of applying, please do. The sense of achievement on the finish line is amazing and hats off to anyone who can get round the course.

25th April 

Ever fancied being a world record holder? I’m so excited to be involved in this event, Brides in the aisles is an attempt on the record for most people in a wedding dress in one place. Having never got married you’d imagine I’d never got the chance to wear a wedding gown , but you’d be wrong. On the day that I should have walked down the aisle (It got cancelled.) I wore my lovely lace frock to the Isle of Wight festival and dragged it through the mud while watching the Kaiser Chiefs. I was under the impression that most brides put the dress away, never to be seen again, after the big day, but I was wrong. It seems ladies want to get their money’s worth from the most expensive outfit of their lives. Wonderful Heart Breakfast listeners got in touch to tell us when they’ve worn theirs. Louise wore hers to her daughters princess birthday party, when William and Kate got married, Amanda wore hers to work on the day of the royal wedding and was pretty embarrassed at having to stop at the garage on the way in. And Mark had an admission to make, on his wedding night, he and his new spouse swapped outfits and jumped about on the bed.

Lots of things on facebook annoy me, but I think I quite like it, I don’t de-friend the people who put up lots of pictures of pets sitting, running and sleeping. However I do hover over the unfriend button though when I see someone post a ‘selfie’ when they got someone else to take the photo. It’s not a selfie when you don’t take it yourself, the clue is in the title!

18th April 

Silence when you have kids can only mean one of two things, either they have fallen asleep or they are up to no good. My friend Gemma thought exactly the same when it went quiet at home. After she climbed the stairs she found her 7 year old son, Tyler, on her laptop, browsing eBay. But it turned out Tyler had done more than browse, he’d started bidding on his favourite toy, Nerf guns and had got up to bidding £100 for what was actually worth about £10. Not only that, they were collection only from about 150 miles away, so you can add another £50 for petrol. After telling this story on Heart Breakfast loads of our lovely listeners got in touch to tell us how their kids had cost them money. Julie’s son bid on a £750 tool box and £500 boat on eBay! He was 10 at the time. Darryl from Eastleigh’s daughter kept ordering Frozen from Virgin TV not realizing that it cost 4.99 each time and only lasted two days. And Lesley said when her daughter was small, it went quiet upstairs and she suddenly noticed water running down her newly wallpapered lounge wall from the ceiling - went upstairs to discover an overflowing bathroom sink and her daughter and her friend teaching Barbie to swim. I loved the one from Tracey, her daughter started using the in app purchase button and ended up paying £75 to watch cartoon penguins slide down ice. If you’re reading this and thinking that it gets better as they get older, then don’t listen to Luke, who said he missed his flight home from his first holiday with his mates and had to make the dreaded call to his folks to get them to book and pay for another flight.

11th April 

Hands up if you still have a tax disc in its little sticky wallet in the bottom corner of your windscreen? I have. I can’t bring myself to take it down as I’m so used to it. That little flash of colour in the corner of my eye has been in every car I’ve driven in the last twenty years. To remove it will make the car look so bare. It’s the same when you take down your Christmas tree and decorations in January and you realise that you need to re-decorate.

When we were young, we all had loads of hobbies and gradually over time we gave them up, but can you remember the reason that we gave them up? I remember that I gave up running after I came second at the county championships. I couldn’t stand being a loser. Heart Breakfast listener Kate gave up the cello because she found it hard to get the instrument to and from school as it was twice the size of her. Neil gave up skateboarding after just one week when he realised that his brother was better at it than him. And my mum wasn’t destined to be a ballerina. She gave up ballet classes after she was cast in a show as a flat-footed duck.

28th March 

Do you ever get the urge to be spontaneous and just do something for the hell of it? I love to hear stories of people flying by the seat of their pants. Like the 2  guys who were in their local pub having a pint and couldn’t decide what to do for the weekend, so they took a cab 125 miles to the airport and got a flight to Thailand. And why not? Heart breakfast listener Prim was on holiday in America this week and decided to run the Boston Half marathon as it started right outside her hotel. I remember touring round Scotland a few years ago and driving through ski resort Aviemore. I was wearing high heeled boots, legging and a dress, but when asked if I fancied hitting the slopes, my response was ‘Why not?’

There have been a couple of stories in the news recently that have sparked my interest. IKEA have banned games of hide and seek from their stores worldwide, after hundreds of people had been turning up to play social media organised games. They found them in fake fridges, cupboards and under rugs. It does sound like a load of fun though doesn’t it? The other headline I’ve been following is that Kanye West will headline Saturday night at Glastonbury festival. Plenty of festival goers not greeting this with smiles and moaning and who can blame them after his Brits performance. I think it would be a great idea to combine the two stories and for everyone at Glastonbury to play hide and seek when Mr Kardashian in on stage.

21st March 

Mothering Sunday is the one day of the year when I can expect breakfast in bed right? Fat chance! Ok, she is only 2, so my daughter can't really be trusted to make a decent cuppa. I was woken at 5.26am this Mothering Sunday, not by cute gurgling, but "mummmmmmyyyyyy!" Being screamed straight into my ear and being smacked in the face with a bottle. A quick cough in my face, to make damn sure I'm going to get that cold that the 15 oranges I ate the day before won't ward off. A foot in the eye as Lois climbs into my bed and demands to watch Frozen. I try and get her to say "happy Mother's Day." She says "happy birthday mummy!" It's okay, I'll take that.

Trying to be the perfect mum, I offered Lois anything she'd like for breakfast, she chose an egg. So being the domestic goddess I am (I'm not) I made her scrambled egg on toast, well on bread, I couldn't be bothered to toast it. I even let her have ketchup as it was a special day. The egg got left, the bread got left, the ketchup got licked off the plate and spilt down her front. I had Heart on the radio, they were playing Adele, Make You Feel my Love, so I started singing the beautiful words to my little girl, I didn't think it sounded that bad. But it was greeted with a "Noooo, Noooo, Noooo! Stop!" All this by 9.30.

 14th March 

Spring has sprung and to make the most of it last weekend, my 2 year old daughter and I headed off to the park. Lois loves to go down the slide, run round, climb up the stairs and slide down again, so I’m just stood supervising really. But I was consumed with nerves when a group of lads playing football in the same park, managed to miss the ball and let it head in my direction. When it rolled towards my feet, I panicked, should I just pick it up and throw it back, saving the embarrassment of sending it off in the wrong direction? Or do I brave it out and boot it back to them with my fingers crossed? I don’t think I’ve ever been as chuffed as when I punted it to them with some style I must say and even sent it where I wanted it to go.

I’ve used quite a few dating websites, so much so that I am now getting a little bit bored of reading the same old profile and have started adding into them new meanings for things. You see guys write their low down from their own point of view of what they think we will find attractive, news for you boys, it's actually what YOU find attractive in your men friends. It seems that our boys on the south coast all go mountain biking FOUR times a week, take a month off in the winter to go snowboarding and have the BEST sense of humour. Other things that come up regularly are that they are honest and genuine or looking for someone that is honest and genuine, in other words that means cheated on and hurt in the past. More translations coming soon.

7th March

Its probably the best news I’ve heard in ages, wine makes you more attractive. I've worked on this theory for sometime now and have worked out that other people definitely become more attractive the more vino i quaff, but its now been proved that it does things to us that improves our looks too. It makes your cheeks rosy, your pupils dilate and your facial muscles to relax so you appear more approachable. But, heres the down side, you cant have more than one glass of red, two glasses make the changes too exaggerated and don’t improve your looks at all.

I gave birth 2 years ago, but I continue to put on weight like I'm in the first trimester of pregnancy. But it's not my fault, the blame lies at my daughters door. You see, it's not really my food, so it doesn't count. Today I gave her an iced doughnut, she ate the icing then gave the bottom back to me, I stood in the middle of a tots group and shoved it straight in my mouth, rather than look for a bin. 

This weekend we went to a lovely 2nd birthday party. The food looked amazing and rather than let Lois leave it on the plate, because she was only interested in eating frazzles and chocolate cake, I scoffed the lot. Well, it was a shame to leave it. 

There was also a party bag full of treats. Someone had lovingly made some pink marshmallow rice crispy squares, which I offered to Lois. She wasnt too interested and ran off to put play dough in the DVD player, so I tried it and liked it. I tried all of it.....and the beautiful cake too. I just can't work out why I can't lose any weight….

7th February

We’re past the first month of the year and still they keep coming up on my facebook page. Lots of things annoy me on the social media site,  pictures of food, kids in the tiniest bit of snow and dogs wearing sunglasses are some of my bug bears. But, there’s a new kid on the block, getting on my nerves. I really don’t want to see a photo of your awful looking green gunky smoothie made in a nutribullet that you bought in the new year to make you feel healthy. I know you made ice cream milkshakes in it really.

Kids really should come with an instruction manual, or at least a rule book for parents. I could really have done with one last week. Whilst my 2 year old daughter, Lois, was in a toddler area of a soft play place, I was approached by another mum and totally taken back by her complaint that My little one had pushed past her child. But her moan was pretty much met by deaf ears, not because I don’t care, but I didn’t have a clue what to do about it. What should I have done? If I’d told Lois off, she wouldn’t have made the connection, because too much time had passed. what I really wanted to say was  “Aaaaaand?” Of course, I didn’t,  I just apologised and carried on with what I was doing, but felt incredibly guilty. Was that the correct way to handle it? I could really do with an answer to this as I have a feeling that this is a situation I may be in again.

30th January

I’ve really embarrassed myself. I’ve really let myself down, by saying something completely inappropriate whilst making a complaint. It was cold and frost a couple of Sunday’s ago, but I had that uncontrollable craving for a fried breakfast. I couldn’t be faffed with going to the shop and getting it all myself so I googled the pub down the road to see if they did one and what time they opened their doors. I wrapped up my toddler and put her on her trike for the 2 mile walk in freezing conditions. Half an hour later we arrive at the pub door, by this time I was literally dribbling, desperate for my cooked breakfast. I went for the door, I pulled and pulled, but disaster had struck, the place was shut. Totally devastated, I knocked so hard my knuckles hurt, but no one came. So I picked my phone up and rang them to convey my disapproval. A very nice and apologetic manager came on the line to listen to my rant “How would you like a voucher so you can come another day?” My reply?  “Yep, that’d be great. Thanks very much. Lots of love. Bye bye!” I had gone from a pretty stern complaint to sending him lots of love within about 20 seconds. I’m too embarrassed to go and pick up that voucher now.

24th January

Scientists have dropped an IPhone 100,000 feet from the edge of space and it still worked after it had hit the earth. Is this what we are doing research into? Aren’t there other things to be discovered in space? How did they make sure it didn’t land in water on our planet? Is it like the penny falls arcade machine, where they had to time it right, like when the shelf is in and then shout go? It sounds to me like a load of teenage boys doing ‘experiments’. What else have they dropped to see if it still worked, TV’s, cars, beer? And why if that phone survived being dropped from space, does mine break falling from my pocket to the floor????

I felt very sorry for Sheridan Smith on Wednesday night at the NTA’s, or not at the NTA’s. The very first award to be presented was best dramatic performance, of which she was announced the winner. But she wasn’t there at the ceremony at the O2, she was with her Mum, in a cab, stuck in traffic. Poor thing, she missed getting a national television award because the roads were clogged up. I remember a couple of years agoLabrinth winning a Brit award, but not appearing on stage. The reason, he was in the toilet and missed it. 

17th January 

If you’re anything like me, you get very excited when you find something interesting on the beach. I dream of how long and how far it has come. I would have been out of my mind to find stuff that washed up on beaches in the last week. Eighteen years ago a cargo ship sank off the coast of Cornwall, its wares have just made it to shore. The best bit of this story, it’s a load of Lego that made it to the sand, but not only that, the Lego is all nautical themed. So, don’t be surprised if you spot little Lego men on your holidays this year, complete with scuba gear, snorkels and flippers.

January seems to be a month of change at work for a lot of people and lots of interviews take place. There seems to be a rising trend in interviewers asking tricky questions. I remember being asked to talk for minute on eating a Cadbury’s crème egg underwater. They probably didn’t appreciate the twenty seconds of silence, but I got the job anyway, as a Butlins redcoat. This goes on in ‘normal’ jobs too. In an interview to be a shop assistant, Heart breakfast listener Joe was asked “If he was a goat, would he be a mountain goat or a field goat?” And Emma was asked what she would do if she found a giraffe in her garden.

10th January 

I would never profess to being cool, but I don’t think I’m un-cool either. Who has the deciding vote on what’s cool and what’s not anyway? On trend magazine Vogue has released a list of things that they have declared cool for this year and I think I’m completely out of fashion. Aerobics has made the list, so get your leggings and leotard out of the wardrobe and start prancing around. They have put a school favourite on there too, fountain pens are making a comeback for 2015. But most surprising of all, you are seen as a smooth mover if you play lawn bowls, makes your Nan cooler than you.

When I was a kid I remember the January sales being a massive thing. Heading to the shops to have a good rummage in the new year was exciting, but now the shops are open with bargains on Boxing day, it’s lost a little of its sparkle. On Heart Breakfast this week we asked if anyone had managed to find anything worth having in the sales. The response was amazing and I think bargain hunting should now be seen as an Olympic sport. Heather found a £10 bra for a quid, Chloe got a pair of black skinny jeans for a pound too. But hats off to Michelle who managed to find trousers for £1 each and so bought a pair for each member of her family, kitted out for a fiver, you can’t say fairer than that.

3rd January 

I was so excited for my little girl this Christmas. She was going to meet Father Christmas, she cried. She was big enough at nearly 2 to sit at the table with us, pull a cracker and have a turkey dinner, she only wanted to eat beans. I chased down the stairs with her on Christmas morning to see if the big man had been, she couldn't have been less interested in presents.

For an hour I put lovely things wrapped in bright paper in front of her, totally disinterested. I tried to rip a bit to start her off, nope nothing, Lois was more entertained by a pot of coins. 

There was, of course 1 thing that she did play with straight away, my daughter is a Christmas cliché, quite happily playing with the box her dolly came from, for the whole day. 

New Year's Eve wasn't much better, after in bed by 10 and asleep, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and poured another glass of wine, only to hear the beautiful sound of wailing again at 11.40. But of course, she was soundo again at 11.58 so I just whispered "Happy New Year."

Saturday 27th December 

So the first bit of the festive season is all done and now it’s on to sorting out the biggest night out of the year. New years eve, three words that actually fill me with dread. It’s a night where people who don’t normally go out, get their glad rags on and go out and party. It means the normal venues I go to for a drink are absolutely packed to the rafters. The bar is ten deep and I have the privilege of paying to get into a bar that is usually free. Standing next to people in such a bar is made all the worse by the expectation that everyone should be ecstatic on the last day of the year. Having been out on a fair few nights out this year, I’ve had my fill and with my new age, I’m dreaming of going home and my bed, not watching squiffy strangers slobber all over each other at midnight. And don’t get me started on taxis, charging me fifty four times the normal price, that’s if you can book one at all. So this year, I will be at a house party....for one.

Saturday 20th December 

With less than a week to go until the big day, research has been done into the presents we’re given and whether we actually like them. We get an average of eight, of which we hate two. That’s massive, we don’t like a quarter of our gifts, I have to agree slightly though, some are pretty awful. Heart breakfast listeners got in touch this week to tell us about their worst presents, Ali got a tray from her Aunt, just what every fourteen year old wants. Pete got a toothbrush from his nan when he was nine and last year Jennie got a cheese grater from her mother-in-law that had old cheese on it. Maybe she tried it out first Jennie?

Of course everyone likes a cuddle right? I absolutely love them, in fact with a colleague I set up cuddle Wednesday. Every Wednesday after the show we'd have a good hug. After a particularly stressful week and a pretty strong hug for a couple of minutes, we both started crying because we loved it so much. So I'm definitely going to sign up for this when it reaches Southampton. Cuddle workshops are being set up in London, where after 4 hours getting acquainted you cuddle a stranger. I might set up my own free class.

Saturday 13th December 

We went back into the depths of our memories this week on Heart breakfast, while thinking about things that happened at Christmas when we were kids but don’t happen now. The reason I started talking about this is, that rather than buy someone a CD album, I have instead bought them an iTunes voucher. It feels so weird buying people a virtual present, I remember being at the CD player in a nano second to play my new music. The other thing that I remember from Christmas as a child is that if you didn’t already have the batteries for that toy that you’d hankered after all year, you’d had it. There were no shops open, not even a garage. We all used to wear our special Christmas day outfit, Granddad would wear his new waistcoat, not a reindeer onesie, Dad would have a novelty apron on which everyone thought was the funniest thing ever. My stocking always had a Satsuma in it, that I would place back in the fruit bowl straight away. And lastly the presents under the tree were not to be opened until dinner was eaten and Carols had been sung, oh no, wait, that one still happens in our house. 

Saturday 6th December

A group of ladies have taken part in the most terrifying mums race ever. This is not normally the time of year when we think about sports days, they're normally saved for the summer term. But of course in Australia it's really warm at the mo and the perfect time for the school to hold its annual race day. Being Aussie they don't have an egg and spoon race, they go surfing. Whilst the mums were swimming around on their boards trying to catch a break, an onlooker spotted a shark beside them. It then started jumping in and out of the water. Terrifying stuff. The biggest danger at ours is tripping over your own feet and embarrassing your little one.
 
By this time of year, kids have normally written their letters to Father Christmas, there have been some strange requests for the big man this year though. Lots of requests for food from Heart Breakfast listeners, Tracey’s son has asked for a roast and a doughnut, while Cassie’s five year old daughter has added a fresh pineapple to her list. Alison’s daughter will be made up on December 25th if she gets a Biro. And Karen had to give Santa a bit of a hand to find what her 3 year old son had asked for, a real bus conductor’s ticket machine, they had to go to a museum to get it.

Saturday 29th November

We’re all under pressure at this time of the year to be ready for Christmas. That one day a year causes so much hassle. Putting the tree up, fighting through the crowds in the shops and having to spend a whole day wrapping presents. All laborious things that have to be done, none as monotonous as writing your Christmas cards though. Every year I try and get the list down to under one hundred, but I buckle under the pressure and send them to everyone I’ve ever met. Another hurdle for me is trying to remember names to put in the cards. New babies have been born, I can never remember their names, people have got married, I can never remember their new married surname and new boyfriends, and I’ve no chance of remembering those. So, for an hour this week, I had to trawl facebook doing my research.

We are apparently living in bridezilla Britain. A new survey has revealed that one of the happiest days of a woman’s life does not carry the same feeling by her closest friends. Nearly three-quarters believed they had been lumbered with an unflattering outfit, to make the bride look prettier. I had bright red hair when I was maid of honour at my mate’s do, it was so bright that she thought it clashed with the lilac dress and made me wear a wig!

Saturday 21st November 

Gemma Collins from The Only Way Is Essex quit the I’m a celebrity, get me out of here jungle this Wednesday after just a few days. I find it so strange that she didn’t work out that it would be hard going. Surely she’s watched the programme before? Anyway, it reminded me of when I quit a job after just one day. I was working in a factory making parts for washing machines, I had no problem with that, but I had to leave after having to listen to lots of women talking about their diets for eight hours, I just couldn’t stand it. Rich and I had a big laugh on Heart Breakfast though when Emma from Alresford got in touch and told us that she’d joined a dance group and quit halfway through the first song. And Julie who said her Dad had quit giving her driving lessons seven minutes into the very first one.
 
Pizza Hut launched its own perfume this week. When faced with this information, my initial reaction is ‘eeeurgh’ why would anyone want to smell like that, but after thinking about it, I will be adding it to my letter to Santa. I’m a single girl who spends a fortune on expensive perfumes to smell nice for the opposite sex. But what I saw in the carvery last weekend changed my mind. Guys go nuts for a roast dinner, so I’m thinking of bringing out my own fragrance, Eau de Gravy.

Saturday 15th November

We were at fever pitch this week on Heart breakfast at the news that Tom Cruise was in town to film Mission Impossible 5. I went out cruising for Cruise, donning binoculars I went to Royal Victoria Country Park to see if I could catch a glimpse of the man himself across the water at Fawley power station. No need, our lovely listeners spotted him all over the place. He was spotted in Shoezone Eastleigh, buying slippers, in Nando’s West Quay, going for the hottest chicken and trying out the sofas in DFS Hedge End.
 
I’m feeling pretty smug at what I’ve achieved this week. I have finished all my Christmas shopping. Apparently women spend about thirteen hours traipsing round the shops collecting up gifts to go under the tree. However men only spend around three hours doing the same. My Dad trumps the lot though, only spending seconds doing his festive shop. He hands me some cash on Christmas eve and sends me to the stores to find something that my Mum will like to unwrap. I arrive home with bags of pressies, then my Dad gets my brother to wrap it up. I can’t work out if it’s lazy or genius.
 

Saturday 8th November 

I was criticised this week when I announced that I was going Christmas shopping after the show. What’s wrong with doing it now? My facebook feed is already full of bah humbugs, saying that it’s still too early to even think about getting festive. John Lewis have released their advert, which will make everyone add a penguin to their letter to Santa, and that gives me licence to head to the shops and get sorted for the big day.  There’s no way I want to be traipsing around the stores with what feels like a million other people and getting annoyed at a queue that’s fifty strong and putting the stuff back and going home empty handed.
 
Coronation street got me way too excited this week. It wasn’t the Tracey and Rob wedding going wrong, no it was a minor thing that I spotted in the Platt household. Gail Platt has the same peg bag as me! I know, amazing. Listeners to Heart Breakfast got involved too, telling Rich and I what they’d seen on tele that they owned. Eddie had spotted his Denby mugs on Emmerdale in the King household and then had spotted them being used for a cuppa in the Queen Vic in Eastenders. And Kate spotted Deirdre Barlow ironing in a dress that her mum had for best.

Saturday 1st November

I have no problem with turning forty, but I’ve realised it’s everyone else that has an issue with it. I hit the milestone last weekend and had three parties to celebrate. I didn’t feel any different when the clock struck midnight on Saturday and I have noticed no change this week. But my mum couldn’t shut up about it on Sunday and kept saying that she couldn’t believe I was in my fourth decade and even said that I was well in to my forties on Monday. The first email I opened on Sunday morning, expecting a lovely happy birthday message from my friends, was asking if I’d written a will yet and my first bit of post was from the doctors, inviting me for an over forties health MOT. Thanks everyone.
 
Taxi’s of the future will broadcast your favourite TV shows on their screens and they will know so much about you, the cab will turn up before you order it. This is the most fantastic invention for me, combining TV and nights out. I’ve always had a bother sending myself home after a few drinks, I always want to be the last one at a party, so having a cab anticipate that you need to go home, is perfect. Maybe they can go one step further and be like your dad picking you up from the school disco, dragging you out?

Saturday 25th October 

Tomorrow I go over the hill and life starts apparently. I still can't say the number but it rhymes with naughty. I had the best party last Saturday at Grand Cafe and felt very loved at the amount of people that came along to celebrate with me. But I crashed badly on Monday, the thought of hitting a milestone birthday made me anxious. Have I done enough with my life, have I got time to do everything on my list? Am I on target with my life plan? I'm sure this happens to everyone at some point and I'm sure they, like me, will get past it in a week, there’s nothing you can do about getting older is there?
 
I’ve been looking at my Facebook page in a bit more detail this week and realised a few things. The first is that I obviously like to look popular. I pretty much accept everyone who friend requests me and have built up a list of hundreds of mates. Of course, out of all those people there are only a few that I see all the time, so I decided to have a cull. I’m a big fan of grabbing people I meet all over the place and connecting on the social media site, but when I come across someone who I met on a ski-ing trip over 5 years ago, she’s from Essex and is now 19 years old, she’s got to go.

Saturday 18th October

My big birthday is fast approaching, don’t mention the number, and I knew I wouldn’t get away with letting it pass without marking it. So tonight I’m having a bit of a do. I’ve been stressing about it for weeks now. Initially I worried that no one would turn up because I’d left it too late to invite my mates, so I sent the date out  months ago at the start of the summer. My new worry is that there will be too many people turn up. Lots of friends have said yes they’ll be there, but they’re bringing one or two people with them. Heart Breakfast listener Joe said Peter Crouch was in the same bar as his thirtieth and took all the attention away from him and I hope I don’t end up in the same situation as Leeanne who’s best mate split up with her fella at Leeanne’s celebrations, so she had to console her all night rather than get on with having a great time.

I witnessed the cutest thing this week, after asking my twenty month old daughter what she would like for dinner, she replied with the same thing as she always does “Toast! Jam!” I suggested having beans on toast as something different. Lois smiled said yes and started to make a buzzing sound. She’d been doing it for while before I realised the reason behind it. My little un had thought that I was offering her bees on toast for her dinner. I’ve decided it will stick forever and this story will be rolled out every Christmas and birthday.

Saturday 11th October 

For one day of the year it’s the only thing people talk about and everyone says that they are going to do it way more often. For that day they will be served in every house, there are even races in the streets in their honour. They pledge to buy their eggs, flour and milk and mix them into a batter, stick them in the frying pan and cook them up to cover them in lemon and sugar. But I did it this week. Yep, on a very autumnal morning I made pancakes. They were supposed to be for my little girl, but after a first bite she decided she didn’t like them, so I ate them, all of them.

Is it a bit of a cop out to get engaged when you’re expecting a baby? The fact is that you have a tie for life on the way and I wonder if a proposal is watered down when perhaps the guy thinks that he ‘should’ go down on one knee. Or maybe he has a much greater love for his girl now she’s carrying his son or daughter. A friend of mine arrived home with her new bundle of joy and managed to get engaged after her boyfriend announced “I suppose we’d better get hitched then?” Oh the romance.

Saturday 4th October

I have a big birthday coming up this month and have already had friends and family asking if there’s something I would like as a gift. I’m sure the response they are looking for is something like a lovely necklace or a nice new handbag, not what I’m actually asking for, a hoover. It’s ok to ask for mundane presents right? It’s something I want and need. This week we found out Heart listeners have done the same, Carey got a tax disc for the car, Zoe got an apple slicer, even though she doesn’t like apples and Annette got as toilet brush from her husband.

I feel awful, my little un hates me. In the news yesterday, they said that there were way too many kids with tooth decay at a very young age. Lois at 20 months old does really well, she doesn't drink anything other than water, no demanding squash yet and she rarely eats sweets (I won't share mine). She's always been really good at cleaning her teeth ever since that first peg arrived at just a few months old she saw it as a treat to give them a good brush. But right now we are teething with about 54 teeth coming through at the same time and so putting the brush in her mouth is a nightmare. I was only trying to help her brush, she started screaming and backing away. I don't want her to hate me for making her do something painful but I do want her to have lovely pearly whites. I guess it's just another power struggle, at not even 2, can I expect these regularly for the next couple of decades???

Saturday 13th September

Soon there will be an influx of new students in town. The fresher’s turn up looking both nervous and excited, unsure of what lies ahead for them. I remember how I felt when I left home for the first time. I didn’t appreciate my folks until I left home. There’s no more bank of mum and dad, no one to make sure you’re out of bed, I didn’t even know how to do my washing. It’s a time when you actually start to grow up, but I have to say I still ring my mum for advice, last week I rang her to find out how long to boil an egg for. If I was going to give students advice from my own experience of moving out, it would be, even though you miss your parents, they don’t appreciate a call from you to hear their voice at 2am!

My 19 month old daughter has hundreds if not thousands of toys. They adorn every part of the house, but does she want to play with any of them? No, my little Lois has decided the best and most interesting thing to play with is a plug socket. I could be upstairs and I will hear the switch being turned off, on, off, on. What can you do? I gave her quite a stern telling off, which she cried at. But that only seems to make it more attractive. I don’t want her to stick her finger in the socket and get an electric shock, she’s already got frizzy hair.

Saturday 6th September

It’s been that weird week of the year where we try to get back to a normal routine. The kids went back to school, everyone came back from their holidays and the traffic was back to its usual chaos in the mornings. It seems that most of us have been thrown by it in some way, getting to work late because we’ve forgotten the extra fifty thousand cars on the road. Or like Heart Breakfast listener, getting to the work fridge too late to get her lunch in. Even the most organised amongst us have been caught off guard, like Lianne who tried to be sorted at the beginning of the summer, buying her son's school uniform early. But he had a growth spurt and went to school this week in trousers that were way to short for him. And Ness who bought tights instead of socks for her boys, whilst in a last minute rush.

We’ve now seen the pictures of Brangelina getting married and I have to say I love her dress. Their children did lots of doodles and pictures, they were then embroidered on to the back of the gown. I really enjoy it when people do things a little differently, like my friend Veronica, who had glasses of beer not the usual champagne at her reception. I would have loved to be at the doo where the table cloths were pirate ones from poundland. And why not?

Saturday 30th August 

The summer holidays are nearly over and it’s time to get rid of all the sand that accumulated in the foot wells. It also means those games you’ve played, whilst stuck in a traffic jam for three hours, will also fall by the wayside. I didn’t realise how popular yellow car spotting had become. It’s the game my brother and his family play, five points if you spot a yellow mini, one point for anything else. Heart breakfast listener, Andy, has a different version where him and his girlfriend give each other a little slap on the thigh if they see the gold vehicle first. Apparently it doesn’t make for a very happy girlfriend.

I always thought that when you gave birth, all of a sudden you were given a super power, to be able to cook the most amazing, wholesome meals that your children will love. My 18month old daughter loves her grub, at a carvery the other day, she fired into a big bowl of Sunday roast and ate the lot. She will wolf down anything made by my mum and even chows down on a curry in our favourite restaurant. But, if I make dinner, even something as simple as potatoes and veg, she holds it in her mouth for a second then spits it out! A friend makes spaghetti bolognese, Lois can’t get enough of it! But my spag bol makes a sharp return, normally down her clean top.

Saturday 23rd August 

Houses and flats these days don’t have a great deal of storage and if you’re like me you’ll use your car as an extra cupboard. Too many times over the years I’ve opened the boot to put shopping in and found there’s no room amongst the rubbish I’ve put in there. For at least a couple of years I was driving round with a brass horn in the boot, as I had no where to put it in my place. On Heart breakfast this week we spoke to Natalie who has a hamster cage stored in her car, but hasn’t had the time to go and buy a hamster to go in it. Other useless items being driven around are a dancing Christmas tree, a toffee apple maker and a box for a floppy disc drive.

After buying a mop from Tesco for just three pounds, I have been asked to do a review of it. How am I supposed to do that? What would I write about? The absorbency of it? The length of the handle? The ease of swishing?

Saturday 16th August 

We are all guilty of hoarding aren’t we? My parents have been going on at me for over twenty years now to go through the boxes of stuff I’ve accumulated in their loft. There’s old toys from my childhood, birthday cards and old school books and they will probably stay there for another twenty years. People keep strange things though, like Heart breakfast listener, Amanda who has kept a Pepe key ring from when she was ten. And Sharon who still has all her children’s milk teeth, even though they are now all in their thirties. This one made me laugh, Lucy’s mum still has the actual stitches from when she cut her head open aged five.

I’ve joined a dating site, I’m looking for love and got very excited when a guy started messaging me. But the questions he asked were a bit weird, see what you think? First he asked how long I’d been on the site, That’s ok. Then he asked how it had gone, had I had any dates, slightly strange. Then he wanted to know how long I’d been single, is it just me or is that a little weird? I’ve always been told not to talk about ex’s and thought that men would want to know about my taste in music and hobbies, not my dating history.

Saturday 9th August 

The south coast is a great place for celebrity spotting. We’re all guilty of seeing that person off the tele and pointing them out to our mates. A-lister Tom Cruise was at Glorious Goodwood last Friday, but an even bigger star was seen in New Milton. The darts player ‘The Crafty Cockney’ Eric Bristow was spied in new Milton, outside a snooker club, of course. Heart listeners have been on the case too, Dave spotted Des Lynam picking up some steaks at the meat counter in Tesco. Liz saw Cilla Black in a burger bar, but Karen has the best one, she helped Patricia Routledge, Mrs Bucket from Keeping up Appearances, put her shopping into her car in Chichester.

They’re brave souls that work in shops aren’t they? I’m not talking about the courage they have to conjure up to talk to that awkward customer when they’re making a complaint, but shoes. I’m quite superstitious, I always salute a single magpie and say “Good morning Mr Magpie.” Just because someone told me years ago that I should or I’d have bad luck. The other old wives superstition I can’t get out of my head is that bad luck will also be invited into your life if you put new shoes down on a table. So, there I was at the till, new shoes in hand, waiting for the assistant to take them from me and put them on the counter. I can’t do it myself, but the man took them from me and placed them down with guts.

Saturday 1st August

Panic set in this week when I lost my 18 month old daughter in a shop. We were in Kiddicare Hedge End browsing around the clothes, when she walked around the other side of the rail and picked up about 8 bras and bought them back to me. I put them back and continued shopping. She wandered off, I presumed, to go and get the bras again, so I went to find her. Lois wasn’t there this time. I checked all around the clothing section, not there. I went all around the car seats that she likes to climb into, she wasn’t there. I looked over in the buggy department, not there. My heart started to race, where had she gone? There would be no point in putting out a tannoy announcement, she wouldn’t understand it and take herself off to meet me at customer services would she? I started shouting her name, it felt like I was calling a dog back in the park. All of a sudden, I heard her little voice saying “Ni night”. She’d found a bed and decided that it would be great fun to get in it, lie down, pull the duvet over her and say “Ni night” to everyone that came anywhere near.

With the Commonwealth games on this week, my passion for gymnastics has been re-ignited. My co-host on Heart breakfast, Rich,  thought it would be a nice idea to take me to Southampton Gymnastics club to let me have a go. I haven’t really thrown myself around like that since I was a kid and what a shame that is. You hit the age of 18 and things like that don’t happen anymore. It’s frowned upon to do a cartwheel on the beach when you’re in your 30’s. But, I really miss doing headstands in my living room.

Saturday 26th July 

We, here in the United Kingdom, are becoming Americanised. The schools broke up this week for their annual 54 week summer holiday, there were lots of mums at the primary school gates crying at the thought of their children going off to big school in September. But the sight that perturbed me a little was all the photos on my facebook feed, of little uns ‘Graduating’ from nursery. The teeny tiny 4 year olds in proper caps and gowns at a ceremony with a scroll in their hand. We already have school prom and baby showers taking over, do we really need this too? 

Apparently the biggest cause of distress on a dinner date for women is having their food ordered for them. Oh please, where has this ever happened in the last 20 years? It’s something that happened in years gone by and in films only. I can’t imagine the pressure both parties are under when a man try’s to be gallant and masculine and pick what the lady would like to eat. If it was a situation that I ever ended up in, there would be something wrong, the steak not cooked correctly, the sauce over the veg not on the side, wrong size chips, all deal breakers, end of date.

Saturday 19th July 

At this time of year, there are lots of students going off to do work experience. It’s your first foray in to the working world and I have very fond memories of it. Whilst at college studying performing arts I went to a radio station in my first year. I didn’t really get to experience the on air side of things, but I remember being chuffed to bits when they gave me a free CD that they’d been sent by a record company, even though I’d never heard of the artist. In my second year of studying drama and music I went in a different direction, choosing to do work experience on a farm. I had been a member of the young farmers group for a few years and had never done any farming, it was going to be my only chance so I took it. So it was a choice of getting up early to do the milking or getting up early, but with free Cd’s, I went for the free CD’s.

I could tell that my kid was mine this week after my seventeen month old daughter managed to shut her fingers in a door. Whilst at a toddler group in West End, she decided that it was time to leave and flung the doors open, they of course swung back, catching her digits. I ran over and scooped her up as she opened her mouth as wide as it goes and started what I call ‘silent screaming’. The poor thing was in so much pain that she held her breath for so long, she started to go blue. The other ladies started panicking but I knew that she would make a gasp and start crying any second. I know that she’s mine because that’s exactly what I used to do when I was little. In fact I used to hold my breath for so long I would pass out, my mum didn’t worry too much though, I’d always rally after a few seconds.

Saturday 11th July  

It’s been an awful summer of sport for the English hasn’t it? We were never really in the world cup, Andy Murray was knocked out of Wimbledon far earlier than we would’ve wanted and this week, heartbreak as Chris Froome, the favourite to win, pulled out of the Tour De France after crashing. But never fear, pride has been restored by Heart listeners. Emi-Lou beat her personal best at Race for Life last week on the common, Helen won ‘Splat the Rat’ with her first go at a fete and Aneka beat her three year old daughter at Hungry Hippos yesterday. Medals all round guys.

It feels like everyone is off on their holidays at the moment and there are certain rituals that you have to go through when you get back. Putting fifty four photos of the people you went with, the food you ate and a beach sunset up on facebook is the first. You must also wear a white top on your return to work. When you see your colleagues for the first time in a fortnight, you will obviously be asked how was your holiday? The answer is always the same, ‘good thanks.’ The following question is always asked too ‘What did you get up to?’  to which there’s normally a mundane reply. But not for my friend Lorelei who went for a lovely relaxing week in North Wales and just happened to have a baby while she was there!

Saturday 5th July 

Last weekend I babysat for my ten year old niece, Courtney and my eight year old nephew, Charlie. After an afternoon on the slip and slide, trying to wear them out ready for bed, we settled down in front of the tele to watch the DVD Charlie had bought with him. It was the newest version of Charlie and the Chocolate factory, starring Johnny Depp. Now, I don’t really know the story, so thank goodness Charlie was totally up to speed with every character’s back story. In fact the commentary was so good, there was no actual reason for me to watch it. When I asked him sarcastically if he’d seen the film before, his reply was “Yeah, I saw it last night!” 

This week I went for my first run in two years and I was made to feel quite special, like I was in the club. I have never realised this, but all runners talk to each other as they go past. Just a simple hello, or a good morning, even if they’re really going for it, puffing and panting, there will always be at least a nod of the head. Other things are acknowledged in pretty much the same way, my co-host on Heart breakfast Rich drives a Fiat 500, they always give a little wave as they go past. Poor old moped riders though, motor bikers will give a nod to other bikers, but never the scooters, they’re apparently not cool enough.

Saturday 28th June

There’s a new craze that's sweeping the nation, every little girl I know has jumped on the bandwagon. Loombands. If you’ve never heard of them, they are tiny little coloured elastic bands that you weave together on a loom to make things like bracelets and hairbands. They’re very much like one of the big things from my childhood, friendship bracelets, where I spent hours plaiting coloured cotton together to make pressies for my mates. But, what was the big thing from when you were a kid? Was it my little pony, Pogs, trolls, or did you try and master the art of yoyo-ing?
 
Where do snails go when it’s warm and sunny? My house, thats where. A snail seems to have gone rogue in my house this week. Every morning I come down the stairs and my eye is caught my a trail of slime glistening in the sunlight. Each time I spot the marks I start to search the living room for the critter, but he must have made the most amazing hiding place for himself. I go under the table, behind the curtains inside little'uns push along car, but he’s obviously too fast for me. I just want to catch up with him, have a bit of a chat, tell him that he’d be happier outside where his mates are.

Saturday 21st June 

So, that's it, the world cup is over for England, unless all the other country's teams dropped out because they couldn’t be bothered. I have a found a new way of watching our national team and used it last weekend for the first match against Italy. As the game was on so late, I was in bed and asleep before it started, but I put it on my Sky+ to watch in the morning. The next day I asked on twitter whether it was worth watching, to which the replay was a big NO!!! Great that's that sorted then. I couldn’t help but watch the Thursday game though but as I have to get uo early, I decided to get into my pyjamas and watch it from my bed. It felt so weird not being in a pub with a drink in my hand and when Rooney scored I wanted to jump around hugging my mates, but with my baby girl asleep in the next room, all I could do was hold my arms aloft and whisper “Yessssss!”

Most people get the blues when they arrive home from a holiday. We all have different ways of getting over it. For my Heart Breakfast co-host Rich, it was booking to go away again, on a crazy weekend to Magaluf. I’m much more easily pleased, I’m as happy as with my tele being on and catching up with all the shows I’ve missed. It really does please me to sit and watch five hours of Coronation street.

Saturday 14th June

Last weekend, I, along with ten girlfriends went off on a trip to Albuferia, Portugal. Half of us were celebrating big birthdays this year and needed a holiday to ease the pain. It became a vacation full of tat. We arrived with suitcases full of things bought from cheap cards shops. Over sized badges, balloons and tiaras were donned one evening and as soon as we hit the bars, we accumulated more tacky pieces from the street traders. Covered in more flashing lights than the dance floor, we thought we looked quite good, but looking back at the photos, that wouldn’t seem to be the case.

I’m not really excited about the world cup, is it just me that seems to have missed out on football fever this time around? Two years ago it was the London Olympics and I went crazy for it. I watched the torch relay come through Southampton, went to the Olympic Park to watch Great Britain in the Hockey and couldn’t take my eyes off the television for a second, I was gripped. I loved the flags that were everywhere and the coming together of a nation. But, when I hear even Alan Shearer saying we’ll be doing well if we even reach the quarter finals, I find it hard to feel enthusiastic. I, of course, hope that England will do great, but maybe after years and years of media pressure, we’ve all become realists?

Saturday 7th June 

I need two things sorted out, both involving plane journeys. The first is arm rest wars. We need this put to bed, when you get to your seat on a flight and sit down, I'm always confused as to whether the arm rest to my left or right is my territory. There is normally a tussle over the seat divider that goes on for at least half the flight, it should be in the terms and conditions when you book with an airline. My second issue is with priority boarding. I understand that you don't want to queue, but why would you want to get on the plane first and then have to wait for the other hundred people to get on. Surely passengers with priority should be able to get on at the last minute?

Saturday 1st June 

Last weekend with an awful weather forecast my brother, his family, me and my daughter headed to Legoland Windsor. Because of the heavy rain that was supposed to be on the way, we took a change of clothes so we’d be dry for the journey home. The day was amazing and stayed dry all day long. The same could not be said for me and the rest of the gang after five minutes in the park. I made the school boy error of going on a water raft ride first. It seemed like a good choice, there was no queue and it was one of the bigger rides. We got totally soaked. After that epic fail I asked our lovely listeners for their rules of the theme park. Here’s what came in, do not eat a Big Breakfast before you go! (For obvious reasons!) When on the log flume, make sure the biggest person goes at the back of the ride so you glide across the water and don’t get wet. And don’t make the same mistake as Megan who went to Thorpe park, don’t wear flip flops on a rollercoaster that goes upside down, they’ll end up in some random bloke’s chips and you’ll end up barefoot for the rest of the day.

As per usual when it’s half term, the rubbish weather turns up. I do remember being a kid in the holidays when I go stuck indoors for the day because it was chucking down. I remember baking cakes with my mum, well, I say baking, they wouldn’t make it into the oven, I would just eat the cake mix. Other activities included making dens out of sofa cushions and tea towels and of course my mum’s favourite, timing us to see if we can beat last weeks time for the hoovering.

Saturday 24th May 

Last Saturday I was on a packed beach, everyone it seems had the same idea as me and went to the seaside for the day. Don’t get me wrong, I love the atmosphere that comes with a lot of people grouped together, but it can get very embarrassing. I had taken my little un down to the water and was running back up the beach chasing her as she giggled away. I hit uneven ground and before I knew it was face planting the sand. On it’s own, not too bad an event to get over, but when your mates start clapping and everyone around them joins in, I just wanted to run back into the sea.

Clapping is a weird thing, it can make you feel really great or really bad. For instance, Claire got a round of applause after chasing a dog all the way around a park trying to retrieve her daughter’s doll from it’s mouth. Good. Nick managed to throw his banana skin in the office bin without having to get up from his seat. Good. But an example of when you would rather not get a clap, Lisa took seven goes at getting into a parking space outside the Co-op and got applause from everyone at the till.

Saturday 17th May 

I remember a time in the distant past when I used to have two working arms. I remember a time when I could move my feet freely around the kitchen. But now one of my limbs is constantly out of use for anything other than carrying my 15 month old daughter. What's the equivalent of tennis elbow? Mothers shoulder? Baby holding bicep? Or bubba back? I'm sure I've got all three! 

Yep my little un wants to be carried all the time, apart from, and this is guaranteed, when I take her on her first flight this week. Oh yeah, she won't want to be anywhere near me then, not when she has to be strapped to me. I'm currently taking things out of my bag so I can fit all the distraction toys in that I want to take for her. Drinks, etch-a-sketch, colouring books, iPads, music, films, books, teddies, toy phones and food. Anything else you can suggest? I have a feeling that it's going to be a very long hour in the air!

Saturday 10th May 

Does anyone else find it a bit weird that an air freshener company has bought out a range that will bring the smells of the outside inside? They’ve apparently recreated the scent from our national parks like the Brecon Beacons and the Peak district and now your living room can have the same aroma. Isn’t it just fresh air? If that’s what you want, just open a window. I do however like the thought of ‘real’ smelling fresheners. I would definitely go for a plug in that would send a whaft of bacon around my bedroom. Or how about a spray of the smell of freshly baked bread in your loo, or everyone’s favourite, the scent of a baby’s head in the kitchen. I think I might ring the company with some suggestions.

In Bristol last weekend they gave one of their streets an amazing makeover, with cars banned, they set up a slip and slide for the length of the hill. The Park Street ‘Park and slide’ was so popular 96,000 people applied to go on it. Well, who wouldn’t want to go on a water slide in the middle of the city? I think we should take the idea on a little bit, instead of cycle lanes, cover them in tarpaulin, send water and fairy liquid down it and you’ve got the most fun journey to work.

Saturday 3rd May

I can’t decide if I feel good or bad about something I did this week, I’ll leave you to make up your own mind up. Driving along the road with my mum and my one year old daughter in the car, we went past a house with a car parked outside which had a trailer attached and it was full of brightly coloured plastic bits that looked like a dismantled kids play house. Then on the top was a toddlers toy car, you know one of the red and yellow ones that’s like a Fred Flintstone car. I totally looked to me like they were getting ready to take it to the tip. Now, I’ve always been told, if you don’t ask you don’t get, so I turned my car around and drove back to the house, knocked on the door and asked the very surprised resident if they were throwing the car out? Half an hour later I was getting the toddlers vehicle out of my car to give it a clean up. My daughter is over the moon with it and only wants to be in her car in the garden now. So, am I just a cheapskate? Or should I get bonus points for recycling?

Saturday 26th April 

Moving house is so so stressful. Last week, the day arrived to shift all my stuff from my flat into my new place. It had already taken me two weeks to pack everything into boxes and bags and there was so much stuff piled in my living room, the removals guys had very worried looks on their faces. Theres always something sent to try you on a testing day like this, the sofa wouldn’t fit in the lift to go down two floors, so they tried to take it down the stairwell and of course it got stuck. It then had to come back up to my flat and go down the back stairs. In total that took about an hour. The rest of my bits and bobs also took hours to load and even longer to unload at the other end. The rest of the day was busy with trying to find places for things to go and trying to keep my tool kit from getting lost. At the end of the day some friends came over to have a nose around my new pad, they brought with them the thing that I reckon christens every new home...Fish and chips. On your first night in a new place there is no other meal to have is there? So thats it I’m in, Sky tv is on and I’ve had a fish supper, I don’t think it could get more homely. Now, where’s the ketchup?

Saturday 19th April

I moved house this week and obviously have been living within a load of boxes for a couple of weeks. It’s always a great time to go through your stuff and chuck out anything that you no longer need or want. I’m amazed at how much I’ve accumulated over the six years and how much you can actually have in a two bed flat. Lets just take one cupboard for example, in there was two baby car seats, a baby walker, six sleeping bags, an iron, a mop, a trike, four bags of coats, a tent and a bin bag’s worth of scarves. Who needs that many scarves? I also found old video tapes, I haven’t had a video player for ten years!

What a wonderful sunny week we’ve had, it really feels like the summer is here. It totally felt like we turned a corner after that awful rain. I also had another sign that the good weather was here, I got bitten by gnat, all around my belly button and on my ankle. There were signals all around too, builder took their tops off, the shop had run out of calipo’s and people start to wear sunglasses that are too big for their face.

Saturday 12th April 

Who have you had to sit next to? A friend of mine, Naomi, took the ferry to the Isle of Wight this week, a very nice trip in the sunshine, but it was spoilt. When having to share a double seat on public transport you always hope for a fairly normal fellow passenger don’t you? The guy sitting next to her was scoffing a curry pot noodle, before 8 o’clock in the morning! Have a think about who you’ve had to sit next to? Was it as bad as Kim who went to sleep on a flight to New York and awoke to a stranger massaging her feet?

What a lovely sight, a donkey walking into the Tesco express in Brockenhurst last week. Was he there to do his weekly shop, or just get a few bits for tea? Those animals in the New Forest are pretty confident, they turn up in a lot of places. Listener Diana came across a couple of ponies sticking their head through a window at a cafe and got back to find one in their tent. But the best I heard about an animal being in a weird place was a ferret that made it’s way on to a dance floor at a house party.

Saturday 5th April

A very awkward situation arose at a party I was at  last Saturday. I was stood at a table with a friend of mine, Sharon, when a man she’d never met came over to us and moved in closer to Sharon. He moved closer and closer, before slipping his arm around her waist and leaning in to whisper in her ear “Is that my beer there?” Sharon was shocked and stepped back, it then became obvious this was a case of mistaken identity when he added, “Oops, sorry, I thought you were my wife!!!” Well, they both have dark, long hair and were both wearing a black dress, but I still reckon he was in for a telling off when he got home. 

We’ve all done the classic one where we wave at someone from a far then they don’t turn out to be the person you thought they were and you have to style it out but running your fingers through your hair, so embarrassing. How about this one though, I don’t think you could recover from this? Listener Crisha said that her husband once  pinched her mums bum. He thought it was his wife bending over to get something out of the freezer when actually it was his mother-in-law wearing his wife’s dressing gown.

Saturday 28th March

Please hear me when I say we are wasting our time girls. You, I’m sure, are the same as me, clothes shopping is an all day mission. I walk into a shop and immediately am drawn to something glittery or a bright colour will catch my eye. I walk over to the dress or whatever it is and there’s something that I’m compelled to do, I have to touch it to see just how soft it is. Then of course, I fight my way to the changing rooms, laden down by the twenty dresses that I want to try on. I have honestly spent an hour in one shop’s dressing room, seeing if I can find that perfect Saturday night outfit. It’s a bit of a reality check to find out that we will on average try on and reject  more than forty thousand items over our lifetime. You see, waste of time.

The no make up selfie has taken over social media this week. Thousands of girls have taken a photo of  themselves in the mirror without any slap on. That’s amazing work ladies and I know how much courage it takes for you to be seen without your lippy on. It literally came out of nowhere and has raised five million for cancer research UK in the last week.  The deal was to take a pic au naturel, then to text beat to a number to donate three pounds to the charity. Some did get it wrong though and mistakenly text bear and have managed to adopt  a polar bear.

Saturday 22nd March

George Osborne stood in the House of Commons on Wednesday and delivered this years budget. Bingo tax was cut, we are able to save more in an ISA and a penny off a pint of beer. I think something very important has fallen by the way side, it hasn’t ever been mentioned in a budget before, but its something that could affect us all. The ‘you’ve been framed’ money has never gone up from £250 for a clip of us falling over or our child eating a lemon. The programme has been on our screens for nearly 25 years, surely the treasury should have a look at this?

Last week the Sunday Times published their list of the best places to live in the United kingdom. I was very proud to see Eastleigh and Fareham made it on to the list and it got me thinking about what’s the best thing about where I live? I would definitely say its the shop next door to my block of flats, Sizzler's kebabs. My co-host on Heart breakfast, Rich Clarke, loves that his neighbour takes his cat for a walk on a lead! But I’m packing my bags and ready to move in with listener Gayle, who is with a minutes walk of a Tesco, an Indian, a Chinese, a fish and chip shop and a kebab house.

Saturday 15th March 

A woman has married a dog! She has been quoted as saying that she “Couldn’t think of anything more I would need from a life partner.” Weird huh?  That’s what I thought, until I started to compare canines with ex’s of mine. How is a dog better than a partner? You can of course keep a pooch on a lead, they’re loyal and faithful. No matter how late you get home, a dog will always be over the moon to see you. If your spaniel gets dirty you just open the back door and put him out in the garden. And finally they will eat anything you put in front of them, with my cooking skills this is a major bonus.

In more animal news, a hostile cat kept its owners and their baby barricaded in a room for hours, after they were to scared of the kitty to come out. The puss is now in therapy for anger management and is said to be doing well at it. We had a snake once, at my parents house, jake, he had to go to snake rehab. He was apparently going through an adolescent stage and was trying to buff up for the girl snake by not eating for a couple of months. I still find it strange to think of animals being on a psychologists couch being asked about their childhood.

Saturday 8th March 

Last weekend saw the annual, “Aren’t we great!” Oscars ceremony. No other business gets the same attention. Whether it be awards for the biggest beetroot, the funniest comedian or the fastest runner, they will always say  it’s whichever industry’s equivalent to the Oscars. The highest accolade I’ve ever received was a certificate from my teacher when I left school for “Loudest contribution to discussion.” Others have received credit for their achievements too, Tess won an award for the shortest drive in a golf tournament. Trev said his Daughter got a gold medal in a beauty comp when she was 3 years old, but she was the only one who turned up. And Clare was top of the table on her school holiday and got the award for most gnat bites.

A survey has revealed an average British adult can’t throw things out. We are a nation of hoarders. Each of us on average is clinging on to over five hundred pounds worth of stuff we no longer use. I think these items will mostly be fads. And I’m ashamed to admit I’m included. I’m just about to move house and am appalled at the stuff I’ve kept over the years. So, come on, own up, how many times did you use that lava lamp before it was put in the loft? And even though you know you’ll never use them again you insist on keeping that CD walkman, you never know, you might like to listen to it when you go out on your roller blades.

Saturday 1st March 

Sat nav is notorious for taking people to place they didn’t want to go. For the most part I’m amazed at the piece of technology which means I don’t have to use my brain or my memory  to get to my destination, but it can go wrong. A dozy cyclist was caught on camera peddling along the hard shoulder of the M25 after his sat nav told him to take that route. You would realise that you were getting on a motorway though wouldn’t you? The big blue boards and the six lanes of fast moving traffic would be a bit of a give away wouldn’t it? It’s a problem lots of  people come across. Heart breakfast listener Julie went through the Blackwall tunnel seven times before she considered the navigation system might be wrong. And Rich’s Mum ended up at Westminster Abbey instead of his house when she punched in the destination of London.

Since having a child my brain power has dwindled. I forgot that I’d put a bowl of curry on the sofa ready for me to eat and managed to sit in it after getting a drink from the kitchen. The chicken korma went all over the back of my dress and didn’t look or smell very pleasant. Most of us should look a little more closely before we take a seat after Lucy sat on a plug and says she never cried so much in her life. But taking the biscuit is Kerry who ended up on an old lady’s lap after she left the toilet door unlocked. She walked in backwards and didn’t realise there was anyone there. Oops!

Saturday 22nd February

Oh my goodness, who would have thought that a ‘puppet show could be so emotive. On Thursday night I went to the beautiful Mayflower theatre to see the West End smash, War Horse. I first heard about it a few years ago when my Dad mentioned that him and my Mum would like to go and see it in London. He started to explain that it’s the story of a horse that gets commandeered into the army to do his bit in the first World War, but rather than have live horses on stage that will obviously not do what you want them to, they have puppets. I’ve got to say, from two minutes into the show I completely forgot that they were puppets manipulated by the actors on stage. The horses twitch, shudder and rear up just like a real life one. The show is totally breath taking, intelligent and emotional, I had to wash my face after the performance ended, I was in a right state after sobbing through at least the last ten minutes.

An Italian cleaner has accidentally destroyed thousands of pounds worth of modern art, when she threw part of an exhibition in the bin. The art installation featured works made out of newspaper, cardboard and even biscuit crumbs, sprinkled across the floor. This poor woman obviously thought a school trip had been through the gallery and had left part of their lunch behind. I’ve thrown stuff away I shouldn’t have, I know that feeling when it feels like your heart has dropped to your boots. I always remember my housemate leaving a bag of washing by the front door to take to the launderette, I honestly thought I was doing her a favour by taking it with my wardrobe clear out stuff to the Charity shop. She didn’t see it that way.

Saturday 15th February

A Jumpsuit is apparently the least sexy thing that a woman can wear. I’ll have to throw mine out then? Why are us girls always told what not to wear? Don’t wear leggings, no spots with stripes, nothing with your bra strap showing. The guys seem to get away with wearing what they want and from looking around I think they could do with a little advice on their outfits. I’d like to start by saying no man looks good in a vest. No matter how good you think your biceps are, put them under a t-shirt sleeve at least. Three quarter length trousers do not, in anyway look good and if you insist on wearing jeans everyday, make sure they’re not of the skinny variety, you’re not a rock star. 

It was my Little girl’s first birthday Last weekend. She had a lovely time at her Nanny and Pop’s house where we had forty friends and family round to celebrate. Can I recommend doing this for your child’s birthday party. Rather than having it at a venue, like a soft play centre, where it will cost you about a tenner a head, or at a community hall where you have to take all the toys, the cake and all the other catering along yourself, have it at the grand parents place. My mum and Dad decorated the house, cooked the food for adults and children and then played with the twenty kids that came too. Job done and all for free.

Saturday 8th February 

Good news for lonely girls, a life size pillow of  heartthrob, Ryan Gosling. Yep, you can snuggle up to the movie star on those cold winter nights. I’ve never been one of those people that Cuddles into a cushion or a cuddly toy and was shocked to hear that my co-host on Heart breakfast, Rich, still has his teddy from when he was little. Bear, lives on his bed, but what do people think when they see this, he’s a grown man. But I couldn’t believe the response that came from listeners that also have their childhood toys. Some people have even handed their thread bare toys down to their own children. But, this is a little weird, listener Lesley still has a cardigan from when she was a baby, still snuggles up to it when she goes to bed.

The lovely, wish she was your gran, Mary Berry from the Great British Bake off, has this week been named Oldie of the year. Weird that you would get an award just for your age, but she is a lovely lady. I got thinking about what would qualify you for this accolade, what makes you an oldie? Is it going for a walk for no real reason, having a good sit down or sleeping on the sofa but swearing blind that you’re only ‘resting your eyes’. Or do you know you’re getting old by the fact that you take tea bags with you on holiday, or when you need glasses for the television remote but still look at it like an alien object.

Saturday 1st February

We had a lot of fun on Heart Breakfast with Rich and Zoe last week doing retro week. Looking back at all those wonderful things from when you were a kid. Like watching Roland Rat in the school holidays, the ‘Accrington Stanley’ milk advert and the fact that everyone wanted a Mr Frosty but no one got one. But I loved the topic of ‘What will kids today never know?’ things like ‘give me three ring when you get home?’ Mobile phones and texts have taken over from this. Copying from the over head projector,  no one under the age of 25 will understand that. Or chasing to the shops every week to buy a copy of smash hits for the lyrics to my favourite songs, there was no Google when I was a teenager! 

I feel really stressed out at the mo, I’m house hunting yet again. This week, has been jam packed with appointments to see houses. I’m literally giving myself ten minutes in each place before running to the next one. So, I was pleased to take one off my list before even making the appointment. It looked like a lovely place, but I was put off when I was given the address and the property was number thirteen. I am pretty superstitious and I know everyone says it’s just a number, but that’s what they said when I booked my wedding for Friday thirteenth. That wedding never happened, it was cancelled a couple of months before I was due to walk down the aisle. So, it’s not lucky for me and there’s no way I’m going to live in a house of that number.

Saturday 24th January 

King of the I’m a celerity jungle, Kian Egan is going to record and release a solo album. Of course, that’s what you do when you win a reality show, you use the publicity to ride the crest of a wave and make pots of money. But, I think there’s another way for Kian to make hay while the sun shines. Dougie from McFly also won I’m a celeb, but he didn’t try to build a pop career on his own, instead McFly and ‘What i go to school for’ band, Busted got together to create a super group. Great idea, proved by the tour they’ve sold out. How about putting Westlife and Boyzone together to create Boylife? Or Westzone? Genius!

Race for life is just amazing. It’s the most wonderful, inspirational, heart warming day. And once again this year Heart has joined forces with Cancer Research UK's Race for Life, and you can join me on Team Heart in Southampton on 6^th  July. Maybe your new year resolution to get fit has disappeared into thin air, well set yourself a goal to do the 5k course with me. You can hot foot it, walk it, last year some girls even hula hooped round it. I’ll be the first to admit I’m not in great shape and so will  be plodding round, just so I can have a chat, maybe even start a sing-along like last year! Get signed up at www.heart.co.uk

Saturday 18th January 

I was very tickled this week about a story where a west midlands couple had booked two return flights to the Caribbean, but were turned away from the airport when they realised that they had in fact booked to fly from Birmingham....Alabama. Mr Jones had no choice but to get his car out of the long stay and drive home. I nearly made a similar mistake after I spotted a cheap buggy online, but I stopped my purchase when I realised that it was for as dolly, not a baby. Tracey’s son was very excited to order his first pair of trainers for his eighteenth birthday, but when they arrived they were a child’s size 7 and not an adults. But, Aaron must have been most disappointed when he ordered a Tottenham shirt, but the sports store had run out and so sent him an arsenal shirt instead 

I am incensed by the car park at the Princess Anne hospital. It is a maternity hospital, so lots of pregnant ladies going in and lots of proud parents coming out with their bundle of joy in car seats. The thing that really gets my goat is that the spaces are so small. You can just about get your car in between the lines, but there is no chance of opening the door to get out. I reckon they want us to get out of the car then push it into a space? The anticipated problem happened this week while I was at an appointment there. It would seem that another car, red in colour, scraped down the side of mine. But I don’t blame the driver, it’s been an accident waiting to happen.

Saturday 11th January

Like many people I’ve been struck down with a cold. Well, I say it’s a cold, I ache to my bones, and I can’t even pick up my hands at some points. I thought it would probably go after a few days when I started to feel rotten the week before Christmas. It’s still here. Give me sympathy; I think this may be man flu. Never have I had a bug for so long. My normal practice is to remedy a virus with a bag of oranges and a lot of sleep, but this hasn’t touched it. With everyone having their own cold remedies, I asked our Heart listeners for suggestions. A very weird list came in, ranging from putting Vicks vapour rub on my feet before going to sleep, to eating pickled onion monster munch. What would that achieve? I suppose you wouldn’t pass the germs on, no one wants to get too close to your breath. 

In true Zoe style I’ve got very over excited and have left myself in schtuck. My daughter will be one year old in a few weeks. Naturally I want to celebrate. I decided to have a little get together at my place. I wrote out an invite on Facebook and started adding names for the message to go to. I was a bit distracted and managed to send it to about fifty people. That wouldn’t be too bad but I’ve asked those fifty if they would like to bring along partners and children too…. Agghhhh! We only live in a two bed flat, there’s not enough room for everyone, if I have ten people round that’s pushing it. I honestly don’t know what to do? Shall I change the venue to a pub? Shall I cancel it? Can I throw a sickie the day before?

Saturday 4th January

There is a new trend amongst couples to go Dutch on the engagement ring. Can I just say I’m a traditionalist when it comes to these things and will not be putting money into a pot for this. I always thought the rules were that the man was to spend the equivalent of a month’s wages on the diamond, but it seems feminism is not dead. There are blokes all over Southampton now kicking themselves that they didn’t wait for this news. It might not be a new idea though. Back in the day when my parents met, my Dad proposed without a ring, they went to the shop to pick one out and my mum paid for it herself.

This could be a revolution to your Saturday night out, imagine not having to queue at the bar for your drinks. Forget having to jostle to the front of a four deep bar to get to the front where the server can’t hear you ordering three vodka and coke’s and takes half an hour to make a two mojitos. You can now order a round from your mobile. What a great idea! You could be finishing your drinks in one place and already ordering the cocktails in the next. This should be used in other places too. I’d love to be able to ring the supermarket en route so they have my shopping ready when I reach the door.

Saturday 21st December 

I have a feeling I might be on Santa’s naughty list this year. I had a trip out to B&Q last weekend, I take my ten month old daughter, Lois there to look at the Christmas lights, it’s way cheaper than a grotto and there’s no queuing involved. As well as bright red reindeer and inflatable Father Christmas’ they have a whole array of singing and dancing animals. There’s the monkey that sings ‘we wish you a merry Christmas’ and the meerkats that dance to ‘Jingle bells’. It took a great deal of time and effort to start all eighty toys so they’d be singing and dancing at the same time, but I managed it. I’m quite proud of myself actually.

My family have been accused of having weird family traditions. I don’ think it’s strange at all that the tele is banned on Christmas day, it means we play games and talk to each other. We’re not allowed to open presents until after dinner, some years it’s dark before we see what Father Christmas has bought us. My mum’s favourite though is to get the carol sheets out after dinner and to sit round the table singing Christmas songs. But if you think that’s weird, how about Nikki’s mum banning mobile phones, or Nettie’s family who auction off the skin from the custard every year. I’m presuming they only do it between themselves; they don’t take the custard skin into town for everyone to get involved.

Saturday 13th December 

I can’t wait until my daughter is old enough to join in with the school Christmas show. My Facebook page is full of proud parents posting pictures of their little darlings dressed as angels or sheep this week. A lot can go wrong though, when school kids take to the stage. Like listener Josie whose little girl Coco, took part in her first nativity this week. The storming performance went like this. One kid burped down the microphone by accident before he said his line, the Virgin Mary picked her nose and ate her bogies throughout. One of the sheep had a wedgie and couldn't leave his bum alone. The goat kept lifting her dress up and pulling the skin on her belly button. Mary couldn't remember Joseph's name so just called him Maurice. Two of the kings dropped their gifts for the baby Jesus and stood on them so they could see their mums and then the Third King mouthed 'mummy watch this' and licked his robe. The head of year teacher was looking very stressed the whole time.
 
I was over the moon this week to see a familiar face on the Royal Variety Performance. I’ve had a Chinese meal in Spain with one of the singers from Monday night’s show. But who I hear you ask? Robbie Williams? No. Olly Murs? Nope. Gary Barlow? No. I actually went for noodles with the opera singer Bryn Terfel. Yep, I’ve met the man who sang with Dame Edna Everage. Everyone’s got a random name drop haven’t they, like Laura who was waved at by the Vengaboys. Kim congratulated Keith Chegwin on the birth of his baby years ago. Amy has regretted for years that she turned down a kiss from Robbie Williams, when Take That were starting out, because he was wearing awful denim dungarees.

Saturday 7th December

We’re all under pressure at this time of the year to be ready for Christmas. That one day a year causes so much hassle. Putting the tree up, fighting through the crowds in the shops and having to spend a whole day wrapping presents. All laborious things that have to be done, none as monotonous as writing your Christmas cards though. Every year I try and get the list down to under one hundred, but I buckle under the pressure and send them to everyone I’ve ever met. Another hurdle for me is trying to remember names to put in the cards. New babies have been born, I can never remember their names, people have got married, I can never remember their new married surname and new boyfriends, and I’ve no chance of remembering those. So, for an hour this week, I had to trawl facebook doing my research.
 
Apparently people who sing are happier with their lives than those who sing alone. I love a good sing song and am often caught out when the microphones go on in the Heart radio studio at the end of a song, but that’s as far as it goes. I have seen the most amazing singers though; the Rock Choir have performed at a few events that I’ve hosted. They are wonderful singers and so happy with it. They must practise so much to get so good, I’d love to have a go, but I wouldn’t want to bring them down my tone deafness. 

We’re all under pressure at this time of the year to be ready for Christmas. That one day a year causes so much hassle. Putting the tree up, fighting through the crowds in the shops and having to spend a whole day wrapping presents. All laborious things that have to be done, none as monotonous as writing your Christmas cards though. Every year I try and get the list down to under one hundred, but I buckle under the pressure and send them to everyone I’ve ever met. Another hurdle for me is trying to remember names to put in the cards. New babies have been born, I can never remember their names, people have got married, I can never remember their new married surname and new boyfriends, and I’ve no chance of remembering those. So, for an hour this week, I had to trawl facebook doing my research.
 
Apparently people who sing are happier with their lives than those who sing alone. I love a good sing song and am often caught out when the microphones go on in the Heart radio studio at the end of a song, but that’s as far as it goes. I have seen the most amazing singers though; the Rock Choir have performed at a few events that I’ve hosted. They are wonderful singers and so happy with it. They must practise so much to get so good, I’d love to have a go, but I wouldn’t want to bring them down my tone deafness.

Saturday 30th November 

I am absolutely guilty of re-gifting. I’m sure that everybody receives presents for a birthday or Christmas that they don’t really want or is not to taste. But rather than leaving that nice bottle of bubble bath to go out of date, I wrap it up nicely and give it to someone else for a special occasion. Everyone’s happy. However, it can fall down if you don’t remember who gave you the gift in the first place. Like when Michael received a lovely office golf putting set from his parents, completely forgot about it for a year then wrapped it up and put it under the tree for his dad. His face was apparently not a picture of happiness when he opened it.  
 
I was very surprised this week to hear that my Heart Breakfast counterpart, Michael Underwood had never heard of a ten bird roast. If you’ve never seen one of these I have an explanation. It’s basically like the Russian dolls, where you find a smaller one inside of each one. You start with something tiny like a pigeon and put that inside a duck, then that goes inside a Pheasant and continues on until you get to a goose or a turkey. It comes from medieval times when they would encase all the birds in a swan. Swans are obviously not used nowadays, I’ve found one online that ends in a goose, but I shan’t be having it for Christmas dinner this year at six hundred and seventy pounds! I’ll stick with a turkey drumstick.

Saturday 23rd November 

What a nice surprise to log on to Facebook and find Lusho Chris staring back at me. I don’t expect you to know who Lusho Chris is, he was my first love. In the year above me at school, I used to follow him around like a puppy from the age of thirteen and wrote his name on my all my books. Seeing as he’d come up as a friend on the social network I got to thinking about whether it’s ever worked out when you’ve got back in touch with your first love? It obviously did when Natalie got back in touch with hers, after seventeen years apart, they’re getting married. Not such good news for Lucy who said her first true love broke her heart …twice! Her advice was to visit the past with extreme caution.

Nothing makes me want to touch something more than a sign saying ‘Do not touch!’ My mate Jolene is exactly the same, while on a tour of Graceland in America, she was stood in Elvis’ living room, where the king’s sofa was roped off. The temptation was too much and she leaned over the barrier to feel the seat where he sat. “Ma’am, please don’t touch the seats!” the tour guide boomed. Told off, good and proper. Listener Lorraine’s husband managed to touch a piece of the Titanic when it was on show in a museum, while she and the kids hid. And I think Kristy might be in trouble when her boyfriend realises she’s touched his box of chocolates in a big way.

Saturday 16th November

I’m trying to sell my flat at the moment and have had a couple of viewing this week. I was interested in what would sell a place and any tips anyone could give me. Like the one that’s been floating around for years, that you should bake bread or have a coffee peculator on as the smell makes it feel like home. I don’t like the smell of coffee or yeast so it wouldn’t sell anything for me. Tips though included putting out fresh flowers and spraying polish on radiators. But I loved Michelle who got in touch with us on Heart Breakfast to tell us not to have a party the night before and forget that people are coming to view your house the next morning, it doesn’t bode well.
 
I spent way too much money this week and I really didn’t mean to. I popped out for some wet wipes, they cost about a pound, but in the half an hour that I was out I managed to spend one hundred and twenty quid on a high chair and a baby walker! I’m not the only one though, Heart listener Karen went out for a Kagool and came back with a boat! Jennie went out to buy a light bulb and came back with a shed…..and a light bulb. And Terri went out for a chicken one Sunday for lunch; everyone was very surprised when she arrived home with a brand new car.

Saturday 8th November  

I had a lovely ego boost, whilst sat waiting for a flight in the departure lounge eating a grab bag of salt and vinegar discos, I got chatted up. The guy had obviously been at the bar for too long, but I’ll take that. It got me thinking if there are any places or situations that are out of bounds? It would seem not, after asking Heart listeners. Sara went to a supermarket to get one of their freshly made pizzas and found the guy’s number on the polystyrene plate with the line ‘Is this too cheesy?’ Sophie was at the household recycling centre when she was approached by a man who wanted to take her out. Weird, but they’ve now got married.

I'm sorry to say, but I find it incredibly funny when my eight month old daughter gets upset. It's not that she's crying that sets me off, it's why the tears have arrived. Strangers give me awful looks, as if to say "don't you love your little girl?" The most recent incident was in the car wash. The jet spray was going around the car and Lois let out an almighty scream and was in floods of tears. I should have gone to console her, but instead I reached for my phone to video the occasion. Only thing is you can't hear her cries over the top of my cackling.

Now you have to understand that Lois is the happiest little un ever, she has a beaming smile for everyone. But she lets you know without a doubt if she doesn't like something. Like getting dressed or having her face wiped. Contrary to the noise that comes out of my daughter, there are no razor blades in her sleeves and no acid on the baby wipe. The other thing that really gets her going is the hand drier. I don't know what it is when I go into a public toilet and I turn it on after getting my paws wet, she hates it. In my mind, it's some sort of alien figure coming to take over the world and her mummy's first.

Saturday 2nd November 

When you look back at your childhood are there some things in the memory bank that make you cringe? For me it has to be the way I thought I was cool at the roller disco when I was eight years old. My mate Debbie and I would get dressed up after school every Friday and head to the sports centre with our roller boots. We would always go armed with a box of tic tacs. On arrival, we would eat the sweets, then head to the toilets to fill the box with water. We thought we were sooo cool after skating a couple of circuits, we would stop and flip the lid of our tic tacs box to take a sip of water. I don’t know why it’s never taken off at running clubs?

This week I became more responsible. I took a red cross course in first aid and got so much out of it. It was primarily about treating babies and children, with the aim of giving me more confidence and less panic if something were to happen to my little one. But actually it does mean that I can use these skills wherever I am and on who ever would need it. It would be a great idea to teach this in schools surely? I’m in my thirties and always thought that you pumped the heart when doing CPR, when in fact its in the middle of the chest. It wouldn’t harm anything to teach this to everyone and would come in very handy.

Saturday 19th October 

Putting an Iphone on a 60 degree wash and then tumble drying it doesn’t do it a lot of good apparently. I can say this from experience. Even though I took advice and put it in a bag of rice for a few days after, it was as dead as a dodo. But it seems it’s not the only thing that’s been washed accidently. Like Alice’s partner’s passport on the morning he was supposed to fly. Or Carol who should have checked her son’s trouser pockets and accidentally wash £20, but dried it and ironed it and it was fine. But taking the biscuit is Kerri who started the wash cycle, then realised her cat had climbed in to the machine. She quickly pressed stop, waited for the water to drain and got her out, she was fine by the way. Let’s be more careful people.

By far the biggest expense in my life is my house. I’m on the hunt at the moment for a bigger place, now I’ve got a little un. But I find it so weird that we would spend so much money on a decision made in minutes. I know that I spend at least an hour looking round a car and kicking the tyres before deciding on a vehicle. Even searching for an outfit for a wedding takes more effort and energy. I reckon it would be a good idea, to try the house out for size for at least a weekend, like a test drive. After all you might not like where the previous owners put the tele and you need to sort things like that out.

Saturday 12th October 

Turns out the royals are just the same as any other family. There may be some noses put out of joint at the end of this month with some of the royal family not invited to Prince George’s christening. Princess Anne, Prince Andrew and Prince Edward won’t be attending the baby boy’s baptism. I had my little girl christened last month and really battled with my conscience over whom to put on the guest list. I started with just immediate family and best friends, but before I knew it I was inviting people so that they wouldn’t get upset when they saw pictures on facebook. The congregation had doubled just because I didn’t want to offend anyone.

Do you remember being totally over excited as a kid and wanting to put your new shoes on straight away, before leaving the shop? I reckon that’s what a guy was recalling in the Levi’s shop last week. He came out of the changing rooms, checked himself in the mirror in his new jeans, deciding that they were the trousers for him. I was hanging around the area waiting to see my mate try some on and was very surprised when this bloke asked the attendant if he could wear them straight away. He was 36, not 6!

Saturday 5th October

What a revelation on Heart Breakfast, from Michael Underwood, Cornflakes are made from sweet corn. Who knew? It doesn’t mention that fact in the title does it? He had the light bulb moment and was over the moon with the news. In other ‘What have you only just discovered that you should have already know’ news, Jo didn’t realise until she was 15 that dinosaurs actually existed, until then she thought they were just fiction. And Alison didn’t realise until she saw his name written down on the Voice that Will.I.Am spelled William.

Ok, yes I am a grown adult, but I’ve never been much of a cook. I normally know when my dinner is ready by the ting that goes off in the kitchen. However, with a 7 month old baby, I’ve made a conscious effort to make some good wholesome food for my daughter. So I bought a casserole dish, a big deal, some chicken and some veg. I’m not one for following instructions, so I didn’t have a recipe in front of me. As far as I can see, my mum chucks all the ingredients in a pan, cooks it and it goes down a treat. Only when I tried to make the dish did I realise that it’s a bit more involved. I forgot to put onion in, but I did put veg in that I like, peppers, broccoli, sweet corn, apparently these are not the best for casseroling. And I knew that flour and water figured somewhere in there, but how much? It’s hard work being a mum, I don’t know how they do it.

Saturday 21st September 

Most interesting thing I’ve found out this week, the Duchess of Cambridge, Kate Middleton, hadn’t originally intended to go to St Andrew’s university, but had a change of heart when it was announced that Prince William would go there to study. It’s all come out of a biography Kate: The Future Queen. This means she’s just like us, contriving a situation with the hope of meeting someone. I’ve done it many times. Going to buy sandwiches in a shop where I fancied the bloke making them, taking up golf lessons and ‘just happening’ to be in the same bar as the guy I was chasing.

So winter feels like it’s well and truly here. I took the big step that makes my heart drop every year, of putting the heating on this week. The knee high boots came out too on Thursday. I’ve only got coats to wear and we’re away. I find it does make for hard work though when I’m packing for a bit of winter sun. I can never imagine any weather other than what surrounds me. When I leave for work at silly o’clock in the morning we’re now in single figures here, but next week I’ll be in Portugal sunning myself in 26 degrees. I find it impossible to work out what to take. And I’ve got to get it all into hand luggage, this is a nightmare. First world problems huh?

Saturday 14th September 

It’s my little un’s christening tomorrow and I’m very nervous. Lois will be seven months old when she goes to the font; she’s bound to start squawking as soon as she’s in the vicar’s arms. Or Lois will wriggle out of his hands and start swimming and splashing in the holy water. My beautiful girl hasn’t yet had the pleasure of going to one of my family’s party’s yet, so she hasn’t experienced something going wrong. Something is bound to scupper the service and the party afterwards. What if it rains and my hair goes bad? What if a guest turns up in the same outfit as me….and looks better? What if Best Fry don’t make enough sausage and chips?

I hate waste but sometimes my eyes are bigger than my belly. I was out at the harvester for my cousin’s 18^th birthday family meal. There’s too much choice, I love the steak, but then I love the ribs and if Mum orders the chicken and prawns I’m going to want what’s on her plate. So I went for the meat feast of steak and ribs, problem was I couldn’t finish it. I am right to ask for a doggie bag aren’t I, even though it’s slightly embarrassing to take your leftovers home? But, I was very surprised to find that my co-host on Heart Breakfast, Michael Underwood takes it even further, by asking to take the half empty bottle of wine home.

Saturday 7th September

Some people take it too far with their pets. In a census someone even listed a dog that had a profession - looking after the house. It's just ridiculous, or is it? If you actually think about it pets do have very specific roles, even if its just to cheer you up after a hard day at work. If you had to give your animals a job title, what would you go for? Would you name your tabby cat your therapist? Is your golden retriever the head doorman of the house? Or is your shitzu actually your personal trainer as you have to take him out for a walk twice a day?

I had another attack of the 'Bad mum' last weekend. Me and my six month old  daughter headed to Bournemouth beach for the air festival. Obviously I have to be organised, sun hat, check, factor fifty sun cream, check, change of clothes, check, formula milk.....no check. Oops. In the middle of a very long, hot day, I was scrambling around the changing bag trying to find an emergency carton that I was sure I'd put in the week before, but no sign. So I had to improvise, at dinner time, my little Lois had to get by on half a tin of egg custard and a bottle of water. Guilt ridden doesn't even describe it.

Saturday 31st August 

If you ask the question “What would you like for your birthday?” nine times out of ten the answer is “Dunno?” It’s always best to get someone what they need than get a load of tat. Pop star Demi Lavato got a weird gift for hers, a goat. Must have been a nightmare trying to wrap it. It’s not the weirdest though; Jane bought her dad a tub of rat poison for Christmas once as that was what he wanted. And Sharon received an exhaust pipe for her motorbike one Christmas. I bet she couldn’t guess what that was when it was under the tree.

Peter Jackson is hailed as an amazing film director after he made the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, so its great that he’s going to direct an episode of Dr Who. You’d think they’d have to pay a lot of money to get him to do it, but no, you’d be wrong. All he wants for making the show is a dalek. It’s not uncommon to be paid in something other than cash. Dan was paid in milk for helping a farmer to change a tractor tyre, Sam gets paid in sky sports channels for cleaning and Rachael gets free riding lessons for cutting the hair of a show jumper (she cuts the hair of the woman, not the horse)!

Saturday 24th August 

I love my mates, but I love their naivety even more. This week my friend Jenny announced that the gossip going around had really “Opened a can of fish!” She wouldn’t have it that the saying actually goes “Opened a can of worms!” After asking for others that had been said wrong on Heart Breakfast, I was rolling around on the floor in fits of giggles, with classics like “I went as white as a sheep!” and “If the cat fits!” I had to stitch my sides up though when I heard about charlotte who after an important meeting was asked how it went, to which her reply was “Not very well, he kept going off on a tandem!”

At 6 months old my little darling should have some sort of routine. My life has very little routine, so what do you do? The other mums I know religiously bathe their kids give them a bottle and settle them into bed by 7pm. I've realised tonight that the reason my little girl stays up until 10pm is because I'd be bored without her as a single mother, it’s just us in the flat. There's nothing I want to watch on the tele and I can't be bothered with the washing up, so we play and chat and sing. Or we'll be out at a friend’s place, where I'm trying to kid myself into thinking that I still have a life.

Saturday 17th August 

There’s a video doing the rounds at the moment, of a Nan that got it very wrong. She was in the welcoming line of people as a bride and groom left the church after getting married. The older lady had a handful of confetti and a glass of Pimms in the other. As the happy couple approached, the pensioner got a bit confused and threw the drink rather than the confetti over the bride’s gown. You can just feel the sharp in take of breath from the other guests. But we wouldn’t have nanas any different would we? Like my own grandmother who was convinced her brother had sold his house through Going Places, the travel agent. I’d love to meet Annette’s Nan who asked for cutlery in McDonalds. But Kirsty’s Nan takes the biscuit; she went down the M27 on her mobility scooter.

Which code should a developer use to turn a web page red? If you can answer this question you are a geek. Michael was posing some of the geek test questions to me on the show this week. I could barely understand the questions, let alone answer them. I can barely turn my computer on and send an email, I’m a complete technophobe. So I came up with my own geek test of 3 questions. 1. Do you wear a tank top? 2. Can you name the last 5 Dr Who’s? 3. Do you have more virtual friends than mates in real life? Nerds in a nutshell.

Saturday 10th August  

James Blunt has Accidently leaked his new song to thousands of people, by pressing send before checking who would receive the message that was only meant for his publicist. We’ve all done it, pressed the key then desperately scrambled around trying to get the message back as your heart sinks. I’ve certainly done it, about a year ago; I was 12 weeks pregnant and had just been for my first scan. Somehow I managed to email Erika in the office the picture of my growing baby, who shot me a very shocked look as no one at work knew. Dan sent a text to his new boss and accidently put three kisses on it before sending. Bet that wasn’t awkward on Monday morning?

If you have a pet you must spend a massive chunk of your time apologising for them. Case in point this week. I popped to the park with a mate of mine and my baby in her buggy as it was a sunny day. On the way we bought some nibbles for a half hearted picnic. Sat with a big bag of crisps open between us, we were pretty startled as a big dog came bounding towards us. I presumed he’d just veer off around us, but no, he wanted those bacon frazzles and hovered them up in just over a second, then ran off. He was quickly followed by his owner, who couldn’t be more apologetic, offering to buy us another bag. Could have been worse though, listener Dawn had to say sorry many times after taking her boxer dog, Norman, to West Wittering beach where he peed on a mans posh wicker picnic basket. The man called the police!

Saturday 3rd August 

It’s funny when you see someone else do it, but when you fall over it’s the most embarrassing thing ever isn’t it? Wearing flip flops in the rain the other day was not only a weather faux pas, but it meant the supermarket floor became even more slippery and resulted in me letting out a scream as my face headed towards the door, when my feet went from beneath me. As I tried to recover myself and style it out I realised that everyone with in spitting distance was staring and laughing at me. I would have laughed my head off though if I’d seen listener Lisa take this fall though. Her heel got caught at the top of flight of stairs, the shoe stayed, she didn’t. As she tumbled down the steps her skirt went above her head. She tried to steady herself by grabbing a man as she went and managed to take the sixty year old’s elasticated trousers to the floor!

Its holiday season and I know how stressful it can be to pack for your time away. Trying to remember everything to take and then desperately attempting to shut the suitcase with fifty four pairs of shoes in there for a long weekend away. But apparently one in four of us forget to take our toothbrush. No great shakes, you can pick one up at the airport or in a shop when you arrive in the result. I’ve forgotten something quite crucial before, while away with my parents, I wondered what I was going to do with no undies. Luckily, it was my mum’s birthday and she got some lovely underwear sets, so I stole them before she got to wear them.

Saturday 27th July

My co-host on Heart Breakfast, Michael Underwood has been getting his knickers in a twist about being called a nice guy. Even when he broke his leg on Dancing on Ice, he apologised to the ice. I’ve seen him stood holding the door to a shop open for about an hour because he’s too nice to walk away and get on with what he has to do. But he thinks that being described as nice is a bit vanilla. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being nice. I’ve been out with a few bad boys and yes, it is exciting for a little while, but eventually I want someone who is kind and respects me. The wrong guys are for the time while you’re growing up; the nice ones are for settling down with.
 
So, he’s finally arrived, Prince George of Cambridge. I was really hoping for Wills and Kate to add a nod to her father in the name so he’d be Prince George Michael, but alas no. Ever helpful on Heart Breakfast we came up with some top tips for bringing up boys for the proud parents. 1. Always make sure their winkle is pointing downwards when changing their nappy. 2. For when he’s a little older, place a ping pong ball in the toilet so he can aim at it. 3. Don’t give them scissors; they might cut off a girl’s ponytail. 4. Be ready for visits to A & E and 5. Keep footballs away from windows, with 760 windows in Buckingham Palace, it could cost the Queen a small fortune.

Saturday 6th July

Like most people, I watched the Glastonbury coverage on the television, I've been lots of times but this year looked like one of the best. The bands were astounding, but I was embarrassed. No, I wasn't hiding my face when I saw the Rolling Stones (I'm off to see them in Hyde Park tonight) perform, because they looked like wax works that had started to melt. Incidentally, my mate commented that they looked really old, "That's because they are really old!" was my reply. No, I felt embarrassed watching the other artists, at home, with my Mum and Dad, because of all the swearing. I don't want to sound like I'm old before my time, but it was every other word. I never noticed all the effing and jeffing until I was with my folks. I was just waiting for the comment to come from them about how it's not needed. And I have to say I agree with them.
 
With a four month old daughter, Lois, and a grey few days in Newquay this week, I've decided that our next holiday will be abroad. But that throws up so many headaches for me. It's not as simple as packing the car up with four tonnes of her toys, clothes and food, oh no, am I really supposed to get it all in one suitcase? The other bother I have is having her photos done for her passport. At four months she cant sit up by herself, let alone pose in the booth. I always remember my Mum sending me at eight years old and my six year old brother to the photo booth. We didn't realise that the seat adjusted up and down and had photos taken of just our foreheads.

Saturday 29th June

I had a ‘moment’ with a guy in Tesco this week; it sounds like a bad romcom. We were both stood looking at sandwiches in the fridge and reached for the same one; it was chicken and sweet corn if you were wondering. As we did this we both apologised and said that the other could have it. Our eyes locked and there was that moment of electricity. But, I’m afraid I let him walk out of the shop and will probably never see him again. My mind did start to dream about him though, about how our wedding would be, what our children would look like etc. But no one has ever got together from such a situation apart from listener Gaz who met his girlfriend in a garage when he offered her some liquorice. Oh and Tracey who was asked out by the security guard while she was in Asda. Oh and Tyronne who met a girlfriend at traffic lights, well he was at them, she was in a restaurant next to them. They caught each others eyes, he drove off, but phoned restaurant, asked to speak to the pretty girl at the window, still together now.  
 
I have purchased the funniest piece of kit, a baby bouncer for my four month old daughter. It hadn’t even crossed my mind until I spotted them in Kiddiecare. My little Lois is into everything and loves to be involved in what’s going on, if someone has popped in for a cuppa, she wants to be where she can have a nose. I got the door bouncer so that she could see from where she was, but totally laughed my head off when I put Lois in it for the first time. The confusion of being stood up with out me holding her and it turning her to face in the other direction was too much, I had tears of laughter rolling down my face.

Saturday 22nd June

It’s a huge responsibility naming your child. For nine months you’ve um-ed and arr-ed between five different names for your bundle of joy. You have to test the name against rude rhyming words so they don’t get teased and check that their initials don’t spell out something strange. I’d been through all this when I chose a name for my daughter in February and went for Lois. What I didn’t plan for though was the new Superman film being out four months after she was born. I now have visions of Lois joining school along with lots of other little girls called Lois after Superman’s girlfriend, ahhh ruined. Possibly not as bad as Listener Lisa who called her daughter Keira just before the Pirates of the Caribbean film came out, starring Keira Knightly, and to make matters worse, their surname is Knight!

Coronation Street is my favourite soap on tele, but I think they’ve missed a trick. The cobbled streets of Corrie are supposed to be a traditional northern road, I get that, but why when the Rovers burnt down, did they rebuild it in exactly the same way? If you had a pub that had dated décor would you not see it as a lovely blank canvas to paint a different picture on? Rather than an old style pub with little snug benches and the dart board in exactly the same place? And while I’m at it, why have they rebuilt the bar with three times as much space behind it as in front of it, surely they need the punters in buying drinks to pay for all the work they’ve had done?

Saturday 14th June

I was so excited this week to be at the launch of the Royal Princess Cruise ship. It was an honour to be there with so many celebrities, Christopher Biggins, Des O’Connor and Sir Bruce Forsyth to see the Duchess of Cambridge, smash the bottle of bubbly on the side of the ship. Kate looked stunning at eight months pregnant, in a Hobbs Dalmatian print coat. Just one hour after the Duchess was seen in the jacket at Southampton’s Ocean terminal, the £169 coat had sold out on the Hobbs website. You’ve got to be savvy to buy them up and then put them on eBay for almost double the price right? But they are selling. Who’s buying them? I, for one know that I could never pull it off as well as our future queen.
 
Last week we had some lovely weather, this week not so good. But I am quite pleased that we are back to grey skies for two reasons. The first is to do with my neighbour, when it’s sunny he likes to sit out on his balcony, nothing wrong with catching a few rays in the afternoon. But to accompany him outside he likes to turn up his music really loud so he can hear it above the noise of the traffic that passes our flats. However, if I’m indoors I can feel the bass through the floorboards! And it’s always the same song, Hotel California; it’s that loud I bet they can hear it in California! The other is not so nice and it’s a problem I’ve had for my entire life, the heat makes my feet sweat and they stink. They smell so bad that my mum makes me put them in a bowl of water whenever I take my footwear off.

Saturday 7th June

I’m incredibly proud of my parents and I was so excited to see them on the television this week. They both celebrated their sixtieth birthdays in the last year and so were invited to the Queen’s sixtieth Coronation Celebration at Westminster Abbey. They dressed up in their finery and looked amazing with their pink accessories, Mum with a cerise fascinator and Dad with a matching tie. I found it really weird that I was at home watching out for them on the TV, when I’d seen them in person the day before. Then I felt really anxious as the thought crossed my mind that they might do something to stand out from the crowd, start waving at the camera, like they were at a rugby match. Thankfully they didn’t, they were caught on camera singing their little hearts out and had a wonderful time.
 
My mum has always embarrassed me; I remember being about fifteen when she actually came into a youth club disco and asked the DJ to say could I meet her at the door. I wanted the ground to swallow me up. My daughter, Lois, may only be three months old, but I think I have managed to embarrass her already? I took her for only her second swimming trip to David Lloyd, and dressed her in her new swimming costume. It just didn’t look right, it was down by her waist, so I did what I could, tying up the straps to hold it up a bit more, but her chest was still exposed. It was only after we’d played in the pool for half an hour and had got back to the changing rooms that I realised her costume was on back to front, doubt if she’ll forgive me for that one.

Saturday 1st June

Are there rules about how old or young you have to be to wear a leotard? Lots of people going on about Jenifer Lopez’ outfit, worn for her appearance on Britain’s Got Talent. The same thing happened to Madonna when she wore the pink number in her Hung up video. But what’s the problem? They maybe in their forties and fifties but they look amazing and obviously spend hours every day in the gym toning their bodies. If I looked like they do I’d go to Tesco to do my weekly shop wearing the same. I just hope the weather is good enough for Miss J-Lo to wear the same get up at our gig Heart in the Park on July 14th.
 
The new museum for the Mary Rose opened this week in Portsmouth Historic Dockyard. Much the same as any other child from the South Coast, I remember going to see it as a kid on a school trip. And I would class it as one of my more favoured school trips. I do however remember what I thought was a bad school trip to Stonehenge. At twelve years old you can’t really appreciate it; to me it was a rainy day in a field looking at a few rocks. I think schools must have to put you through this sort of thing when I hear that listeners Michelle went to a grave yard, Saviene went to a beetroot factory but Nick takes the biscuit with his story of a coach trip to a post-box!

Saturday 25th May

Looks like the weather is getting better, but learn a lesson from my Mum. While she was a hairdresser, she pulled a sickie on what she knew would be a particularly sunny day. Unfortunately she got caught out by getting burnt in the sun and going back to the salon the next day with an incredibly red face. There’s so much chance of getting found out and getting into an awkward position like Kelly who pulled a sickie then went shopping, but bumped into her manager. And there was no getting away from what Paul from Totton did, after he went jet ski-ing on his ‘sick’ day and ended up in a photo on the front of a newspaper!
 
Imagine waking up in the baking Spanish sun everyday, that’s what I did when I lived over there for a summer, because for a couple of months I lived on a mate’s balcony. Doesn’t sound so lovely now does it? But yes, my boyfriend at the time and I had a mattress, a sheet and a pillow on the balcony, but still managed to sleep in the scorching heat. Some people can just sleep anywhere, like Michelle who fell asleep in a nightclub and was woken up by the bouncer. But Dan takes the trophy for weirdest place to fall asleep, while he was in the Navy, after a particularly heavy night he managed to catch a few zeds on top of a missile launcher in the middle of the South China Sea.

Saturday 18th May

The Great Gatsby Premiered at the Cannes film festival this week and got me thinking about rules for the cinema, like a six foot man is not allowed to sit in front of someone who’s only five foot four (That’s me by the way). Popcorn should only be eaten during noisy bits of the film and no slurpy kissing, it turns the rest of us off.
 
We all have our habits, I even go through food phases where I eat the same thing for a while, the latest being chicken stir fry for lunch everyday for a fortnight. But that’s nothing after we heard from Claire who has eaten the same lunch, Ryvita, cream cheese and a Twix for ten years! OMG must be so boring! Graham though takes it to a whole new level, he has ordered the same curry from the same curry house every Friday for so long that he doesn’t even have to ring up and order it. He only gets in touch with the Indian restaurant twice a year to say that he won’t need the Friday night dinner because he’ll be away on holiday! Genius!
 
Just put your hand in your pocket and see what you find. Chances are there’s some cash, some keys and maybe an old ticket stub? Certainly nothing like Heart listener Tyler carries, he has a little pouch with paracetamol, cotton buds and a mini toothbrush! He’s come fully prepared. That’s more than I carry in my massive hippo bag, but not quite as strange as our producer James who carries nail clippers and will use them at any stage of the day.

Saturday 11th May

To become a doctor or an accountant, you need to go through lots of training and years of exams and study time. So why there are not any lessons in being a parent, there’s not even a manual and yet it’s the most complex challenge I’ve ever taken on. There should be a school that you can go to at least for a couple of days before your little bundle of joy arrives. Lessons would include PE, lifting moving weights to build up your arm muscles, metalwork, how to build or put anything  together that’s put in front of you, like the pram parasol I struggled with this week that didn’t keep my 3 month old daughter in the shade for more than 20 seconds. And finally I could really do with an emotional lesson in spotting the different cries; does Lois want a bottle, a nappy change or just a cuddle?

I found out on the show this week that Michael's mum used to make him and his sisters be quiet as kids otherwise "they'd wake the baby next door". There was no baby. What lies did your parents tell you? Amy's mum told her the ice cream van playing the music meant it had run out of ice cream… Lou's mum told her Penguin bars were made of real penguins, just so she could eat them all for herself. Nothing wrong with that at all! And with your help we compiled Heart Breakfast's Official Rules of Food this week… the big ones to remember are; vinegar goes on chips before the salt, never bite a Pringle in half, eat around the edges of a Jaffa Cake first and at number one… ALWAYS eat a Kit Kat finger-by-finger, never bite across all four.

Saturday 4th May

I always knew that having a baby would be hard work, but I didn’t realise how much time it would take up. It used to take me half an hour to get ready and get out the door. I now have to allow around two hours for this seemingly easy task. It has made me leave things like the cleaning and the washing up to build up. It has also made me incredibly lazy, proved by the fact that last week I bought a new kettle rather than de-scale the old one. But Heart listeners have made me feel better by being lazy too. Like Ally who threw out her plates after Christmas dinner because she couldn’t be bothered to wash them and Simon who rang the pub he was in to order a round of drinks because he couldn’t be bothered to go to the bar. And Jolene who makes her friend drive close to the bin after food to put her rubbish in, just so she doesn’t have to move.
 
I don’t know how postcodes get dished out, I also don’t know how Sat Nav’s work, but what I can tell you is that my postcode and sat nav don’t work together. I live in West End but after giving the details to my mate Julie, her Sat Nav took her to Totton, nothing wrong with Totton, it’s just not where I live! There are always stories of sat nav taking you in the wrong direction, Heart listener Tammy’s took her to the cemetery instead of her Dad’s house and John’s wanted him to go through or over a river. Sat Nav, don’t trust it, it’s out to get us all.

Saturday 27th April

Have you ever passed something off as your own? Everybody’s done it right? Whether it be a little bit of homework, house decorating or doing your make-up really well. Hands up I’ve done it. This week in fact. I still meet up with my antenatal class girls, who’ve taken to meeting at each others houses for lunch each week. Being the domestic goddesses they are, most arrive with some sort of baked goods. I’ve got to say, I do love Heidi’s chocolate brownies and Ali’s lemon drizzle cake, but I can’t compete. Not wanting to arrive empty handed I took along a bag of cookies that my cousin had made and totally passed them off as my own. I think I got away with it until someone asked for the recipe.
 
I’ve learnt lots about my new co-host, Michael Underwood, on Heart Breakfast this week. I learned that he proposed to his now wife Angellica in New York, in a church at Christmas Midnight mass, after trying to find the ‘right’ time for twenty four hours. I also learned that he has managed to set fire to heatproof oven gloves, and will get up in the middle of the night to run around and panic about a power cut that he wouldn’t have known about if he’d stayed asleep. Apparently he wanted to test the new torch he’d bought. I’m worried.

Saturday 20th April

I’m so excited to be starting the new Heart breakfast show with my new mate, Michael Underwood. No he’s not a rugby player or a cricketer and yes he is the guy that broke his leg on Dancing on Ice. He’s such a lovely guy, very funny. Can’t wait to hear all about his wife Angellica Bell and their surprise wedding in New York. Turns out Michael reckons he knows lots of amazing facts, we’ll see? We also share a birthday, does that mean we are effectively going to be the same person, or will we differ, will anyone care? It’s gonna be one hell of a party, I know that much.
 
Life has changed beyond all recognition since I last posted a column in here. Ten weeks ago I was trying to write my column in between contractions at the Princess Anne hospital, whilst giving birth to my daughter, Lois. I failed as everything went too quickly, sorry about that, I really did try. It all happened rather suddenly on a Thursday night. I’d been to a gig in Bournemouth to see my favourite, Plan B and had only been at home for an hour, when my waters broke and I had to make my way to the hospital, I’ve got to say the staff there were brilliant. Turns out that I was watching Ben Drew, Plan B, on the day that I found out that I was pregnant too.

Saturday 2nd February

I was devastated this week. Whilst watching Tuesday's episode of Eastenders, I spotted a garment from my wardrobe. I would love to say that the snakeskin skirt was being worn by one of the Albert Square teens, like Lucy Beale and it made me feel like a bit of a trend setter. But it wasn’t, instead the offending item will now be burnt after being sported by Cora, Tanya’s Mum, a grandma. Seems as I’m not the only one who’s been wronged by the soap either. Heart listener, Abbie was mortified to see Kat Slater walking down the aisle in the same dress as she was to be married in, in a month’s time. And Emma who text us to say “I was wearing the same top as Heather Trott from Enders once! It came off and went straight in the bin!”

I really thought that we had some romantic guys on the south coast. I very often see blokes walking along the road with flowers in their arms, hopefully for their girlfriends or wives. I have been on a date with a man who wouldn't let me walk in the road side of the pavement; I thought it was very sweet. But it seems that all that lovely-dovey stuff disappears when it comes to marriage proposals. Well it did for Heart listener Rosie, whose husband to be proposed in the doorway of Millets. And for Dan's mate Mark who just handed a ring in a box to his girlfriend and simply said "You win!"

Saturday 26th January

We’ve all been caught short somewhere, not many quite so public as Jason Puncheon this week though. He left the pitch during the Southampton v Everton game at St Mary’s on Monday night. Most of us can sneak off and sneak back after a trip to the toilet, but he had thousands singing about what he had been up to when he returned to the pitch. I’ve regularly popped into a pub to use the facilities, but the worst was when I was so busting to go, I had to get off a train and shoot out of the station, meaning that my friends were still on the train searching for me, while I was miles behind. When you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go, eh Jason?
 
Adele may have let slip the name of her baby boy. After keeping the secret since he was born in October, she revealed after her performance at the Golden Globes, that she refers to him as ‘Little peanut’ However, later the ‘Someone like you’ singer was spotted out shopping in Los Angeles for little'un’s clothes, wearing a necklace that said Angelo. Could this be the name her and her fiancé chose for their son or are they throwing us off the scent? And what is the reason for keeping it a secret? Is she, like me, worried that if she tells anyone then there will be fourteen boys in the school class because the parents have copied the name?

Saturday 19th January

Last week on Sunday Brunch on the band Lawson were told that they didn’t have enough time to let them cook anything. So, we thought we’d give them the chance this week when they came to our studios. We asked them to have a competition between themselves to see who could decorate the cake the best. I thought they were actually really artistic, you can see for yourself on the breakfast pages. We also learnt that their new song ‘Learn to Love Again’ is about getting back with an ex and putting all the effort required in. And the gorgeous Adam from the band will be my son/daughter’s Godfather, don’t think he knows how heavily I’m going to lean on him nor that he will have to take care of my child for 12 weekends a year, it’s his duty isn’t it?
 
More than 600,000 people left Facebook last month alone. Has it lost its grip on social networking? Have we moved on to twitter? Or the next big thing? I don’t think it’s for any of these reasons; it’s surely more to do with the rubbish from people’s lives that they post, with the thought that if it’s interesting to them then it must be interesting to you. But I reckon we’re way past that, I’m likely to de-friend someone who puts up too many photos of the dinners they are just about to eat,  status updates on how much they love their boyfriend, or pics of kids doing anything. A school friend of mine, last week posted a photo of her 7 year old son in the dentists chair, having a filling, she’s now gone from my friends list.

Saturday 12th January

So the big celebrity romance is apparently over, Haylor are no more. Taylor Swift and One Direction's Harry Styles have called time on their two month relationship. They have visited the lakes, turned up at each others gigs and even holidayed together over the New year. This is apparently where the cracks started to show, spending so much time together, harry found his girlfriend demanding and said she was naggy. I wonder if she's just like us and got straight on to the phone to her mates for them to tell her "He wasn't good enough for you!" as Miss Swift sobs on the line? Did she post a cryptic tweet that had her followers confused about what was going on? Or if Harry's mates took him down the pub and just plied him with beer and shots to get by? Did he get straight on Facebook to change his relationship status to single?
 
Every parent has had to pay their child to do something at some point, right? But I think my mate Julie has taken it to a whole new level. When round at hers for a cuppa, her eight year old son was bored and looking for something to do. He started negotiating money to do chores, but I don't think he will be the new Alan Sugar, after he was paid just one pound to hoover the carpets, upstairs and down, in the three bedroomed house and the inside of the car! He's still doing better though than the Heart listeners like Gary, who was paid 50p to go and pick fresh mushrooms for his dads fry up each morning. Or Charlotte who got just 10p to tickle her dads back for half an hour. Even though my baby hasn't been born yet, I'm already planning what I will have my little'un do for me.

Saturday 5th January

I realised this week that I really am my mothers daughter. While i was staying with my parents, my mum had lost her voice, dad thought next Christmas had come early. But mum struggled through sounding like a teenage boy going through puberty. On answering the phone, everyone on the other end thought it was my dad, which I found hilarious! Now the reason I say I'm like her is because I used to lose my voice once a week, the reason behind it being the same for both of us, over use!

There's one thing on the world that I hate more than anything else and that's cheese. I know that horrible yellow stuff has some real staunch fans, but I just don't like it. Why would anybody eat it? It's gone off that's the point of it, but u wouldn't eat anything else that was gone off would you? Milk, no, bread, no, meat, no, so why cheese? And why do people have such an obsession with getting me to try it? I've managed quite well my whole life without the smelly food, I don't want to try it now.

The last time I had such a 'life has changed' Christmas was when I was fourteen years old. I opened my presents on Christmas Day, it was all clothes and smellies. Don't get me wrong I loved it all, even my nan had picked me something fashionable from Miss Selfridge. But it was a change year because it was the first year that I didn't receive toys, games or dollies. This year was very similar in that I got loads of stuff for my baby that's due at the end of February. A baby sling, a rocker and many blankets, all felt a bit weird but all needed and it saves me buying it.