Kev Bach's Newspaper Column

At last the weather here in North Wales has finally realised that it is spring after all, even though my heating is still on well into the second week of May. My gran would always say it wasn't spring for her until she had heard the sound of the cuckoo (Before you ask no I haven't heard one).  But I did hear a phrase the other day that took me back to my early childhood growing up on the banks of the Menai Staits in Felinheli, and that phrase was 'spring clean'.  What an event that was at our house.  When I was a lad it was something that was arranged by members of my family to military perfection and for weeks before the actual big clean it was a major talking point between my Mum, Gran and aunties with my Dad pretending he was interested.

The big spring clean in our family was overseen by my Aunty Glenys who every Spring did the rounds.  She'd stay with us for a week and help Mum do the big clean, then move on to other members of my family. Her cleaning skills were to be admired as she cleaned everything.  She would tell Dad that if he stood still too long she would clean him from top to toe.  He used to take the hint and would quite often take me and my sister out for the afternoon, only for us to return to a house that had been transformed.

So with that phrase spring clean in my little head this week I decided to spring clean my life.  I decided to start with my Facebook account, and I unfriended those unknown friends with whom my only contact with is that they send me endless requests to play 'Candy crush saga' 'wonder words' and other games that I have never heard of or have any time or interest to partake in.  I have also ditched a few silly photos from my account, I mean who wants to see every pudding I have eaten since 2008?  Talking of Facebook, I read recently that a million or so  people a week are leaving the social network site after becoming bored with it.  What next I wonder?  A Facebook friends re-united site?  I also decided to spring clean my little man drawer, yes I have one even though I live alone.  From my important little drawer I got rid of 18 Ikea allen keys, 2 plugs without a fuse, numerous radiator bleeding keys, old take away menus of restaurants that have long since closed down and an oddly shaped bit of plastic that looked important but where it came from and what it was for I have no idea.  Next port of call was my car where I finally got that pound coin out from between the hand brake and gear stick. I chucked out numerous old parking tickets wedged between the back of the dashboard and the windscreen.  From my glove compartment I got rid of an old map of Liverpool, a pair of sunglasses with one arm and three unopened Christmas cards from work colleagues.  The car was then cleaned by my girlfriend's two boys with a little help from me.  One word of caution if you are ever having a lie in one Sunday morning and your son or daughter shouts up to you like this, "Dad do you want me to clean your car", say no.  I stress say no, because a friend of mine a year or so back said yes please.  Only to discover that his 9 year old lad and his mate had cleaned his brand new company car with a brillo pad!

Before you ask if I have spring cleaned anything else the answer is no, although I did discuss this with my listeners the other morning, and one girl was going to sort out her medicine cupboard out and she reckoned like many of us I am sure she had well over 20 bottles of half used and out of date medicines there.  If only the chemist was to give us money back on those bottles we would be worth a few bob.  One lady told me she often tries to spring clean her shoe collection but she can't.  Her last count was over 90 pairs and one girl had over 150 handbags.  My favourite call was from a lad who was going to pay for his wife to have her teeth whitened this spring ,in his words she will have teeth like brand new radiators, Kev.

Finally I look forward to entertaining you with my silly jokes and stories this Friday evening May 10th at Aberffraw Village Hall with the duo Monheli and children from Bodorgan School.  You can pay at the door on the evening as the hall is quite large the fun starts at 7.30.  Last time I shared a stage with the kids from Bodorgan School was last Christmas when I appeared as King Herod in their nativity play  ,and a few minutes ago I have just thrown away my homemade crown as I am now in the mood to start spring cleaning my junk room, which is supposed to be my office.