'I've uninvited my mum from my wedding because she refuses to give me money'

4 February 2022, 14:03

The man shared his dilemma to Reddit (stock image)
The man shared his dilemma to Reddit (stock image). Picture: Getty
Polly Foreman

By Polly Foreman

A man has opened up about his decision to not invite his mum to his wedding.

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Planning the perfect guest list for your wedding can be a stressful experience, and it can often lead to some awkward conversations over who has - and hasn't - made the cut.

Two people you'd usually expect to be there is the mothers of the bride and groom, but one husband-to-be recently shared that he decided not to invite his mum because she didn't want to give him money.

In a controversial Reddit post, the anonymous man explained that he felt he was being treated from his sisters.

He wrote "AITA for uninviting my mom from my wedding because she got me a different gift than my sibling?"

The groom added that the gift in question was a large sum of money, and that his mum planned to offer the same amount to his other sister.

The man made the decision to ban his mother from his wedding (stock image)
The man made the decision to ban his mother from his wedding (stock image). Picture: Getty

He said that she was refusing to give him the same gift because of his future wife's financial situation.

"I want to preface with it is about the money and it is also not about the money. It is hurtful to be treated differently, and I know Reddit believes that no one owes anyone anything, but I feel like a mom does owe her kids' fair treatment.

"I am getting married in May to the love of my life. I don't think my mom is a huge fan, but at least she isn't one of those crazy moms that try to break us up. There was one incident between them but beyond that, the relationship has been mutually civil.

"I am very lucky and my parents paid for all of my schooling including my masters. My mom seems to think that is the norm, but I understand most parents can't do that and I am very fortunate. My fiancée didn't have that opportunity and she worked part-time and took out loans. She currently has 80K in students loans but is working her a** off to pay them back. My dad doesn't think I should marry her while she has them, but I made it very clear that isn't up for discussion."

He added "When my sister got married my dad paid for the wedding and my mom gave her a cash gift. I don't want to get into exact numbers but it was extremely generous and probably more than the down payment of a house."I have another sister who is getting married in September and I found out that my mom promised her the same amount of cash but not me. I was p***ed because I believed at the time she was doing it because she dislikes my fiancée.

"I confronted her and let her know if she was going to exclude my fiancée or be hurtful just because she doesn't like her, there will be consequences. My mom said it wasn't about not liking her. It was about the student loans. My mom explained that both of my BILs have no debt, so the money was to start a future, but she knows if she gives me the money it will go to the loan (true) and she feels she shouldn't be responsible for someone's else's kids college education."

He added that he told his mum that clearing the debt would be the best thing for their future, but that their parents disagreed.

The man continued: "My mom said she feels bad but I shouldn't punish her over a gift. I didn't say much at the time, but I thought long and hard and decided I don't want her at the wedding.

"She doesn't like my fiancée. She doesn't care about my future as much as my sisters. She is playing favorites with her kids. I texted her my decision and she never replied.

"My sisters now say they aren't coming to the wedding and my father is furious and demanding I re-invite her. My fiancée actually teared up because she feels so supported, and this does hurt but that has to be my priority."

Reddit users were divided by the post, with one writing: "You can invite or disinvite whoever you like for whatever arbitrary reason you chose, but do so knowing that in this case you have no real argument against everyone thinking you're wrong.

"Yes, paying off the loans is an investment in your future, too. But think of it this way. If your sisters' marriages collapse, they get a 'refund' on that investment (part of a house or equivalent value even if it's in joint names), with which they can comfortably recover and start again. What do you get back from the loan repayment if you and your soon to be wife split up? It's still an investment, yes, but it's an unsecured investment, with risk of full loss rather than half. In the event of a split, your partner would get the full benefit of the gift, and you none, as opposed to half and half.

"There's a lot of logic in what she's thinking, none of which is based on liking or disliking your fiancée or playing favourites."

Another added: "I can't blame him for noticing they're being treated differently, they are. Dad even says they shouldn't get married until the debt is paid off. There seems to be some amount of class prejudice at play."